Thursday, 29 April 2010
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What is the Biggest Mistake You've Made in Past Relationships?
Last night I asked my boyfriend what was the biggest mistake he made in his past relationships. Then today I started thinking of all the mistakes that I've made. Here's what I've learned.
1. You can't change someone.
2. You can't make someone love you, nor can you make them care about you.
3. Communication is key. If you're unable to communicate with someone or they're not willing to communicate with you, problems will go unresolved. Ultimately leading to the failure of the relationship.
4. Don't (constantly) ignore your happiness just to make the other person happy, because you will end up resenting them.
5. Don't make the relationship your number one priority especially when the other person isn't doing the same.
6. Don't ignore the little signs. The signs letting you know that the relationship won't work, he's controlling or abusive, etc. Those little signs will turn into bigger signs and bigger problems.
7. Never forget who you are. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stop being you.What have you learned from your past relationships?
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About the Author
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- From: SimplyNita@xanga
- About Me: I'm a 21 year old girl who's trying to figure out my life and find my happiness. I enjoy photography, crafting, designing, fashion, reading, writing, listening to music, hanging out and just being creative and productive.
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Comments (84)
With one ex in particular, my biggest mistake was not ending the relationship after the first week or so.
Number One. I just wanted him to stop acting so immature and childish. He is incorrigible or was, I don't know he coud be dead. It was three years ago.
The biggest mistake III ever made? Ugh... I dated someone who was 10 years older than me and TECHNICALLY (although I didn't quite know at the time) was actually engaged to someone. (This girl lived in a different state and didn't break it off with him, but he had called her and there was a man there, on the phone telling him that they were having sex)
This guy was essentially a 30 year old 5 year old. I was wayyyy more mature than him and he ended up being totally abusive.
My mom sort of "brought us" together (not of course knowing what would happen) and it was all downhill from there. He became manipulative and started telling me that he'd kill himself if I didn't stay with him... UGH it was a nightmare. I tried to get out for 8 months, finally, he started pushing for sex (which is understandable, but I didn't even really like the guy and he was manipulating me) and I just ended it a few months later. It was awful, and left huge holes of distrust, and scarring. To this day I have problems in some areas... ergh...
Mine has been a reoccuring theme in my past relationships (and even my current one): have a life outside of your SO. I tend to get clingy and needy, always wanting affection. While he should try at least, I know I need to step back at times and have outside interests.
My biggest mistake is changing for someone. Letting what they say change my opinion and my way of life. Trying to help someone find a job even though they made it seem like a burden on them that I was using my own gas money and my own free time to try to make their life a bit better, as well as our life together. Trying to get a boy to act like a man is a pretty big mistake as well, even if they are 19/20 years old.
I think I've been through about every domestic issue possible, so I get bored in relationships. I don't communicate, and I don't keep the fire go. Plus, there is no incentive in dating me but to fuck me, so that takes a lot out of it because the issues that go with that type of relationship are known, so I avoid them and the justification doesn't work the same way.
I already know the outcome, so it's no fun, like everything else.
I've even got my forethought pinned to dream the next day almost to the second.
I learned to not hold onto something that's not there and that the person you trust most can betray you.
4 and 7, definitely.
don't lose your friends because you're in a relationship...your friends probably came first...keep them number one...or at least rotate between your relationship and your friends.
Actually caring for the other person....
Also, horribly guilty for 5.
Biggest mistake was that I cheated with my friends girlfriend. it ruined our friendship. Although, she had told me that she was only dating him because she felt sorry for him-and she ended up being a tramp. So in hind-sight i feel like it was a good thing for him (even though that was not my original intention) That's just my sad attempt to justify my actions.
I still predict he will come around and we can buddy up again. either way, im taking it as lesson learned.
The biggest mistake I did was allowing my then-husband not to go for counseling and let him go on with a divorce. Once there is a child involved, I believe the couple should try hard to make things work. I thought I was the luckiest woman on earth with a wonderful husband. Now my daughter, though 20, is suffering the effects of a father who she feels abandoned her.
don't expect too much no matter how nice they are towards you.. kindness and thoughtfulness don't always go hand in hand..
4and 6 describes why my last relationship ended, but even if deep down i knew this was true i didnt want to admit it. love does shitty things to you.
apparently trying to fix a problem in a relationship is something I should regret since it happened in two relationships...but, I do not regret it or think of them as mistakes because, they thankfully ended! Especially since both girls were cheating on me.
I'd say trying to keep an emotionally detached attitude. I didn't think I was hurting myself at the time, but the effects after the (text message) break up were ridiculous.
~ Don't cheat (or if you do, and you know it was a mistake/regret, don't tell them)...
~ If a guy doesn't know if he wants to be with you, and something stupid is holding him back, ditch him. Don't wait for someone if they're not "sure."
My biggest mistake I made was telling him that I cheated on him, but it was also the best thing I ever done so I can't really say its a mistake. It was like being reborn again, if one could feel such a thing. To no longer live a lie and start over with truth.
My three biggest mistakes I've made in past relationships were holding on to it when it wasn't working out, taking our my personal anger/frustration on them, and not being physically there enough, since apparently being emotionally there all the time doesn't count for anything.
my biggest mistake was deceiving myself and making them seem better than they actually were. one of my relationships, in particular, lasted for about two years. i should have ended it much sooner and dumped his ass before he had the chance to become such a dick.
Biggest mistake was not leaving when I should of but staying and hoping that he'll change for the better.
There are a couple of things. Just as you can't make anyone care, you also cannot make yourself not care.
And just go with the flow. Don't try too hard to force things to go in any one direction. If you're happy, don't fuck with it.
If your friends think there's something wrong, chances are there is. At least, if they think it's important enough to mention.
I think the biggest mistake i made in a past relationship was ignoring the signs that all he wanted was sex. i was just too in love with him to notice or admit it. i will never be so ignorant in a relationship again. ever.
Biggest mistake was letting him control me. Always listening to him that we can still be together and give him more chances. I let me basically dictate a huge part of my life with friends.
Even though he was the sweetest person and super kind hearted, in a relationship everyone changes.
Biggest mistake was wasting my time with someone who was a cheater, treated me like shit, and was a compulsive liar. Â I put his happiness first, lent him hundreds of dollars which i never saw again, and always defended him even though he used drugs, was homeless and jobless, and took advantage of his friends.
basically, my biggest mistake was being naive.
I've learned to trust my intuition. If I get the feeling he's not into me, my instincts have been right every time