Monday, 26 April 2010
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Aching Love
Have you ever felt like you belonged with someone no matter what they put you through?
Well I have I fell in love and I have never regretted my time with him. The only time he truly hurt me was when he broke my heart. Before him I was alone all the time I didn't have a life; people controlled me and I did horrible things to myself and made horrible choices.
I never smiled or laughed or had any desires or dreams. After him I smiled and laughed. I had desires again I had dreams and goals. I had the perfect life in my opinion and I never wanted it to change. When he left I was in so much shock I just went numb and nothing mattered.
I thought I could go back to how it use to be and that boy would just be a memory. But soon I came back to my senses. I cried more then I have ever cried, I was so sad and depressed. I had the worst craving in my heart and it's not for a person. I had a craving for happiness and laughter.
I crave to have dreams, desires, and goals again. The kind I had experienced with him. I craved him, and I still do. I crave his touch, how he would hold me when I was upset and whisper that it would be okay.
I crave his comfort and support, his love and laughter, his jokes and dreams of us and the promises we made. I miss his kisses, hugs, cuddles. I crave his voice, his smile, his eyes, his personality. I crave his happiness, I crave him. But he doesn't want me anymore, at least that's what I think but I always hope that I'm wrong. What keeps me going is that hoping that he will be mine again. Hoping and dreaming those promises will come true.
Hopefully this it isn't for good and no one will replace him. I want to be with him, no one else can have my love as my partner, my equal, my other half.
He is my best friend and the only one that cares anymore. I love him so much. I finally realized he wants me to be happy again and follow my dreams and goals and I will. I'm going to try and do everything. I have always wanted my greatest goal to come true. There is so much more to say but I can't write it all down.
Have you ever felt this way?
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About the Author
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- From: ivefoundtheone@xanga
- Name: Tay
- About Me: I'm taken, by a wonderful guy named Devan. I'm a sophomore at Foothill High, I'm 15 years old. I'm a bookworm, and music also movies, anime, and art also poetry. ^^ Um, anything else just ask me.
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Comments (21)
I think everybody's felt at least a little bit of this way at one time or another.
Life does go on, though. Even though it feels like it, it's not the end of the world.
yes i have :) and its amazing. x
No.
I am going through exactly for the last 6 years. Just like you, I am hoping he'll come back.
I think at one point I did. He brought me back my happiness.. my dreams.. my desires.. my goals to live again but I also realized, he was just there to make me realized that I could be happy again and he left. I am happy now with or without anyone. :)
I don't wait for anyone. I don't depend on anyone to make me happy anymore. If that person truly does care and want to be with me, he will be with me regardless.
nope
Yeah, my recent ex. We dated for 2 years with only one minor (1 week) break up within the first... four months... pretty early on and then dated straight on from there.
Then hey, look a 4 month break up. UGH! horrible time for me... then we got back together after he claimed he was stupid and did love me. We dated for another 10 months before breaking up again... although he said he thought we worked and belonged together too, promised to never give up on us again. He promised a lot...
He given me so much and has broken me so much too. And yet, I feel as though I would belong with him, or that we would fit perfectly if he'd just grow up already. We were so good for such a long time, until drama worked its way in (and immaturity, we started at 15 and now we're 18 and 19)
I feel like a lot of this is circumstance and poor choices on our parts. I do wish he would come back and stop changing into someone I hardly know... but we need to live our lives. Especially if he still cares and wants you to be happy... at least he still cares.
It feels like he tried to erase me after 3 years together. *sigh*
i think this is beautifully and very candidly written. =] i know just how you feel. i guess it goes to show that no matter how young or how old, we can feel love and longing in powerful ways.
It's pretty pathetic to depend on someone so greatly.
But I'm there right now.
I'm exactly there.
<33
yes, I have felt that way and I still think about and miss him dearly.
yes, I used to physically ache and long for a boy that i thought i was in love with, I was like that for a year before i finally got over him. the funny thing was, it took me giving my virginity to him in a sort of one night stand to get over him. but i don't regret a thing.
you need to let him go and figure out who you are.
You werent anyone and then when you met him you were suddenly someone???.......you are giving him that much credit? Do you not have any pride in yourself or any self LOVE??
Its so hard to believe that it is so easy to just forget all your dreams and goals in life. Just because a silly b o y left you.
Im sorry, but that is truly sad.
go find something that you love. Take this opportunity to see that you dont need him to have GOALS. Do it for yourself. LIVE. Its YOUR life.
Yes, a partner should enhance your life and help you be a better person but not completely take over. Seems like you were and still are obsessed.
@pumpkin_19 - 6 YRS MY GOODNESS...I couldn't do that for six years.
But definitly I am going through that and I didn't have words for it. I must say I will copy this and save it for me to read over and over again til he comes back. I was someone before, but not a happpy someone. Actualy I thought I was happy, but after he left, nothing made me happy as much as it did before..not even my Oreos or candy. I can't wait til he returns because he will return, becuase we belong together.
You're 15. Live your life for yourself. I thought I truly loved people back then. I felt the same way for a guy then, I've been in the same situation twice. But I realized that there are things YOU must do for YOURSELF in order to keep going. You can't hang your entire future on hoping for love from a stubborn teenage boy. He will hurt you more and more if you hang on. He will want to experiment with other people, other girls, his tastes will change in the blink of an eye.
Leave him be, grab your girlfriends and enjoy the rest of highschool. I did that and yes, it was difficult. Yes, it was hard, however you have to learn to accept things as they are and not remain stuck in the same cycle of hurt.
The second time I was in your situation, I still hadn't found myself. This led to my ex using me and getting what he wanted over and over because I was blinded by the same feelings you had. That was over a year ago and I've changed since then. I know who I am now. And, believe it or not, even though the whole situation sunk me into the deepest hole of self-pity I've ever been in, all of this led to me meeting the love of my life. We're both solid people and things will always be this way.
Go with the flow. Let it knock you down. When you're ready, pick yourself back up and march ahead with confidence. Live for yourself, do things for you. Don't just move forward thinking you're only doing it for him...because ultimately, in doing that, you're going backward.
If your future involves him, he will come back into your life. If it so happens that he isn't meant to be in your life, he won't come back. Let your life pan out and stop sitting around waiting for it to get better, hoping that he'll come to. If he's your age, it will take him a LONG time, if he ever comes around.
@Heartzmusick@xanga - sometimes, when i think about the past 6 years of my life, i feel like i have wasted it. Maybe because I could have tried opening my heart to somebody else but it's just not easy. Oh well, it's not too late to move on.
Have you told him how you feel?
yes. YES. yes..... man...
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I felt exactly the same way but in my case she is the one who left 6 years ago...Find the reason the real one that made him leave, fix it from your side coz any problems comes from both sides you'll never be the only one respnsible, just fix your part and he should do the same, let him know every single word you said in this post...He should know, actualy he's the most one who should know your true deep feelings. And good luck...
yep, but the feeling goes away. Time heals
I feel this way right now. Good luck with your situation