Friday, 23 April 2010
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A Young Woman's Peeve
I am 19. I am engaged to a guy just a little older then me. I met him through his cousin. I only talked to him on AIM and myspace for a few months before he asked me out and I met him at a local mall where we saw a movie with his cousin and my former gal friend.I knew from talking to him over the past few months that I was attracted to him. After meeting him though I knew there was something about him I really liked.
We started dating, and 3 years later we got engaged.Now here's where my peeve comes into play. I hate when people make remarks about my engagement.
"You're too young to know what love is."
"You haven't lived."
"You need the chance to explore your other options."I totally disagree. I know what love is, and I've known what it was just a few months after him and I got together. Just because someone isn't mature enough to know the difference between love and infatuation, doesn't mean that I don't know the difference.
Some people grow up faster then others. Some are ready to settle down sooner without feeling the need to explore. Everyone is different.
I have grown beside him. I came to know myself better. With him I learned where my values, morals, and ethics stand. I've matured even more with him.
We are still two separate people who have different views on things and we've brought out each others personal opinions and can respect that.To sum it all up, I think that people just need to respect each others decisions and know that everyone has the right to make their own choices, whether you agree with it or not.
What do you think?
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About the Author
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- From: lisajenelle@xanga
- Name: lisajenelle
- About Me: I'm 20. Got married April 30, 2011. Love photography, outdoors, and free time. Going to school for Human Social Services Corrections and Criminal Justice. Just trying to enjoy life.
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Comments (56)
While I'm sure your questions are common... the fact that you voice them showcases your own insecurity. Who cares what people think? If you're truly sold on this guy ... if he's truly the one you want to be with ... let the rest go. He'll be the one with you when everything else has faded... and that should be all that matters.
People will always be judgmental about everything. Congrats on your engagement.:)
I agree. My hubby was 19 and I was 20 when we got hitched. It isn't about age, it's about maturity. I just told people who said anything negative "I'm sorry that your marriage is shit, but I don't think you should put those negative aspects onto other people who are beginning a beautiful life together. Fuck you and goodbye." Then I just walked away. Or something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't realize there was a legal age limit to love someone!" Trust me, the negativity and BS doesn't stop coming from people no matter how long you're married. It'll be three years (and two kids) for us in October and we still get crap from people!
Maybe the other people are just acknowledging that fact that only a teeny tiny percent of people married in their teens and lower 20s actually last, and they're worried for you? (I can personally name 5 couples I've known in the same situation that are no more, and they seemed like perfect matches.) Plus, biologically, your brain hasn't even finished developing into your set adult personality, and won't be for at least another half-decade.
Idk, you sound defensive and insecure about it. Or it could just be you being upset about the negativity.
Regardless, good luck. Hopefully you beat the odds, for your own sake and the sake of your fiancee (not to 'prove others wrong'). What other people say shouldn't matter so much.
@Passionflwr86@xanga - Yes, he is the only one who matters, but that doesn't mean that the negative people aren't annoying or frustrating to the point that you just want to bitchslap them!!! I've been there, done that, and I can say that sometimes the negativity from other people can get you down sometimes. And when that happens, there is nothing wrong with venting to other people. That's one reason a lot of us use Xanga! I vent! And she has a right to do the same if it helps her feel better! :)
@SparklingFaery@xanga - I just have to say, it's been scientifically proven that you change in many ways in each decade of your life. It's not like you turn into a different person when you go from 20 to 30. What's important is whether or not you can go through those changes together, and mature together, instead of just growing apart.
OP; grats on the engagement. My fiance and I have been engaged for about a year and a half and are planning on marry in a year or two. I'm 17, he's 19. And we've been together for 3 years today. :)
Just ignore it. People are so judgmental about
everything..but congrats ^_^
People are judgmental about a lot of things. I was 23 when I got married, and I still got those comments. I was 25 when my first child was born and I was still "too young" in the minds of a lot of my friends/acquaintances (despite the fact that a high school friend got married at 20 and had her first child when she was 22 years old). Age is just a number, baby. :)
And I know the questions are annoying, but all I can say is that they will change as you get older.... all you can do is prove them wrong.
People assuming all young people are too dumb to know better, I hate that.
I got married when I was twenty and I still get the same responses from people. That I'm too young, I should have explored dating other people, I should just focus on school...yadda yadda.
I think that people tell us that because maybe they married young and things didn't turn out well for them. So they assume that will happen to the rest of us. You know if you are in love with this person are not and thats all that matters.
Whenever someone tells me a remark like that I just say "Yes, I still have alot of growing to do but I want him to do it with me." But in my head I'm really just telling them to fuck off. ;)
Congrats on finding love. :)
I think you can be in love at a young age. When people claim young people can't be in love, I think they're really more concerned that young people haven't had a chance to work out every possible conflict with their SO and that they haven't learned everything about him or herself yet.
Really, I think it depends on the people. A lot of emotional development and personal discovery happens between the beginning of high school and college graduation, but it happens at a different pace for everyone. Some people are mature enough to know what they want/need at 15. Others need until they're 25 or later to really come to terms with who they are.It's just life. Don't regret what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt those around you.I'm 19, boyfriend just turned 20 and we are set for life. We met playing DnD and found each other on Myspace later. As long as your careful, it's a great way to meet up and meet people. He's thinking of getting me a promise ring soon and we've been together for 8 months. :] Of course we get negativity too, but I think a lot of it is jealousy and skeptism with so many failed relationships out there. We have changed even during that time...every thing that happens or changes with him, we always grow stronger. When you meet the one, you know.
Congrats, I know you will have a great life ahead of you! :]
you're too young.
When I was 19 I thought I loved my then BF, I would have married him if he asked me...thank God he never did it because now I see all the things I would have missed. He become alcoholic and tried several drugs and we had a horrible break up. A few weeks ago a friend told me that he abused his ex-girlfriend (the one he started dating when we broke up) and other stuff I never knew about him. We were together for 5 years and the things people tells me about him has nothing to do with the guy I knew.
So yeah, I think you are too young, that dating a guy for 3 years in your teens doesnt mean that you know him well and that if you two love each other so much, you can wait until you're older and get married later.
I'm also 19 and going to get engaged.
People will always be judgemental;wether you're 19 or 29. When you know,you know and all that matters is that you two are on the same page and understand what you will have to face in order to be together(financially). Adults will always try to "do their part" when it comes to putting in their two cents.
@Gorrific@xanga - It's also been proven that when you are younger, from birth to mid-20s, that you will undergo way more changes, and more significant changes, than at any other point in your life. The differences between a 16 and 18 year old, an 19 year old and 22 year old, and a 23 year old and a 30 year old are vast. Who you are when you're 22 and graduating college vs. who you are after 5 years of grad school or working is QUITE different.
@Maria - Right on! You never know... My neighbor has been dating the same guy for 5 years (and she's 21, he's 22 or 23), they had their wedding planned for awhile, date set, everything, and they just split up after a very sudden out-of-left-field explosion. The guy is seeing someone new now. :\ And a good friend of mine dated the same guy since sophomore year of high school, after growing up down the street from each other their whole lives, and when they were 22 and getting ready to graduate and planning their lives together, they broke up. Apparently, they didn't realize until 7 years later that they wanted different things out of life that they never knew they wanted. It would be terrible to promise a lifetime with someone, then wake up one day and realize you don't really know the other person anymore, or you don't know yourself. And usually, you don't notice the small changes until they build into something big... 2, 5, 7, 12, 30 years later. But then again, most divorces occur between the 2nd and 7th year of marriage anyway. It's better to find out sooner than later!
To whoever said people will doubt your readiness for marriage whether you are 19 or 29, only if there's good reason to! Personally, I've never met anyone who has objected to someone marrying at 25-29 unless the person they were marrying was just so obviously wrong for them and discouraged the relationship long before marriage was ever brought up. By 29 or 30, if people are still doubting your decision-making skills, they're probably not the kind of people you want to be around.
I've met somebody who was 17 and married. A model. She seemed pretty happy to me.
Congratulations on getting engaged, and I wish you both the best of luck. =]
I had my first love when I was 16. When you know that you're in love, you know. No one else can tell if you're in love or not. Btw, my brother and sister-in-law only dated for four months and they got married. It's now nine years later..
She was 16 and he was 19.
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Live your life however you choose. It shouldn't matter if you choose to get married early or later in life. Even if it doesn't end in happily ever after, that's what life is, experience and all that matters is you're mutually happy with the decision and love/cherish each other! :)
You obviously have spent enough time with him to realize this decision, I mean some people get married after months, so you're obviously not making an immature decision. You're both adults, so there shouldn't be an issue. I don't see how not getting married--which is I guess what people who think it's stupid would prefer you to do, thinks that would be you living your life to it's fullest. That would just be miserable for you, since you obviously want to get married. Sometimes people don't think before they speak. Enjoy your life and decisions :)I married when I was 19, and I didn't give a damn about the negative comments. If it bothers you, you'll just have to decide which you want more.
You want to be with him, or sit and let people what you can and cant feel at such a "young age".
Personally, I loved him more than I cared what anyone thought.
It's that simple.
But I understand most people do rush into things too fast, but to each his own.
Good luck.
I know exactly how you feel, and I hated when people would comment on our age, etc. too. I started dating my now husband when we were both seniors in high school. He was 19 and I was about to turn 18. We were both of each others first boyfriend/girlfriend. We got engaged after just a few months of "going out." Thankfully, we didn't have much opposition from our close friends and family. They all realized that we were truly in love and perfect for each other. We had an almost 2 year engagement and got married 2 weeks after my 20th birthday; he was 21. We will have been married for two years this June, and in just a few days it will have been 4 years that we have been a couple. We are both still so happy and in love. I wouldn't change a thing. Like you said, we have grown together, and I never would have wanted to waste my time "exploring options."
Congratulations on your engagement! Don't let people tell you that you are too young to be in love and get married. Don't let them convince you that it will never work out, because it can if you are willing to put the time, effort, and commitment into the relationship, which it sounds like you are. :)
Aaaaaaaagreed.
I got engaged and married at 18. Everyone's story is different, so obviously there's no reason anyone should assume you haven't "lived" or even WANT to "live". And as for the age thing, it's nuts. That topic makes me want to chuck a brick through a window. Like I said, EVERYONE'S STORY IS DIFFERENT. Which means something that's right for one person more than likely won't be right for another person. Just follow your heart and do what you think is best for you. [: