Friday, 23 April 2010
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He Peed the Bed!
Since I haven't dated in a while, I didn't have anything to write about. I figured I would relay a true life story that me and my girls tell almost every Friday night for shits and giggles.
At three-thirty-something in the morning I got a phone call from my girl Z. I made three guesses before I pressed the green button:
She needs to be picked up from some random place. She had great sex and needs to brag about it. She had horrible sex and needs to talk about it.
I picked up. "Grrrrrrrrrrllll..." Z whispered into the phone. "It was good, huh?" I said rolling my eyes and thinking back to the last time I had great sex. sigh
Z: What?!
Me: Why are you whispering?
Z: He peed the bed. I'm whispering because he's right next to me.
Me: WHAT! Who... wait... WHAT!?
Z: Remember that guy I told you about? He works at the Swim Bar. Well, I invited him over, we did it and I think he peed the bed. I thought it was OUR wet spot but it was really wet so...
Me: So you're laying next to him in the urine as a sign of solidarity? KICK HIS ASS OUT!I should tell you that Z is the most non-confrontational person in the world. She apologizes for people bumping into her. She's ...soft. I knew why she called me. She did not have the cojones to wake him up and kick him out. She didn't need to say anything more. I told her to put the phone to his ear and make sure it's on speaker phone and loud.
This is the part where me and my girls die laughing...
Me: GET THE F*** UP YOU NASTY MOTHERF*****! WHO THE HELL WETS THE BED?. NASTY ASS. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT.
I'm not sure at what point he woke up but Z said he sprung up out of the bed "with his big floppy dick" and tried to put his clothes on but slipped. On his own piss. Meanwhile I'm also getting dressed to get over to her place and yelling into the phone "I BETTER NOT SEE YOU WHEN I GET THERE!".
By the time I got there he was gone. Which is what I wanted. I really didn't want to see him. I was embarrassed for him. I drove slow and went around the block twice.
I went up to Z's apartment and she looked like she was in shock. Her eyes were red and she was just standing in her room looking at her bed. Standing next to her, I could smell the distinctive smell. I looked at her and said "Why are you still wearing his piss?" We both laughed.
She showered and we watched tv and drank Coronas until Target was open. I bought her new sheets. Since then, Z slept on her couch, my bed, and a friend's air mattress until she was able to afford a new bed.
Ever had to kick a man/woman out of your bed/house? If so why?
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- From: Vanagloria@xanga
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Comments (44)
No, to the question, but LOL to the story. Wow, just... WOW!
Is she sure? IDK, that seems crazy. Sometimes there are a lot of, um, secretions during sex that seem like urine but aren't. If it really was piss I'd be beyond disgusted. But that's what she gets for being a whore, I guess.
Nope, I haven't. But a friend of mine seriously had her (now) ex-boyfriend shit his pants in the back of her car.
@frozencherries@xanga - I don't think being a whore gets you pissed on. Well, probably sometimes, but I think they would charge a lot extra for that. At least, I hope they would.
ROFLMAO. Oh wow. I almost feel sorry for the poor guy. =P
@frozencherries@xanga - Piss has a distinct smell. And maybe it was such a big spot that there was NO WAY it could be anything BUT piss. LOL!
LOL this was hilarious
you're a good friend :)
but no i've never really invited anyone over except for boyfriends...and they would n ever do anything like that
omg EW HAHAHAHA.
lol
Whomp!!! That's crazy...
hahaha! aw, I feel bad for him though.
That's f*cked up, way to be mature about it! How old are you again..?
Did they have drinks? That could easily explain his lack of bladder control..
TOO. FUNNY.
LOL@ the picture. I honestly didn't think Datingish would post this
@MH - I get what you are saying but they weren't blackout drunk or drunk enough where peeing the bed would be OK. Being a mature woman...I can wake up and go potty. I remember learning that when I was little and my mom being completely psyched about it.
I figured it was a wet spot but pee has a very distinctive smell .. being a new yorker and someone that has worked in the hospital for years I can tell pee.
right after our son was born my husband accidentally wet the bed. we had been up for about 4 days with a colicky newborn and neither of us had gotten any sleep..... so we laid down when little man finally nodded off and the next thing i know i roll over into a wet spot. i thought our kiddos diaper leaked, but when i figured out he ws dry, and i was dry i knew it had to be the hubbs. we both had a good laugh about it.[ after i freaked out about having his pee on me] and we changed the sheets and went on with life. shit happens.
oh, he has also bled in my eye while having sex. like right into my eye. thats why i choose to be on top now... if he has another nosebleed while we are doing it at least it wont get in my eye again
@frozencherries@xanga - woah overly judgemental much?
This reminds me of a person that I hung out with a while back.
One morning, I woke up to my clothes being all wet...and I'm like WTF.
It turns out this dude had peed all over me while he was sleeping during the night. I was sleeping next to him....and he's 29 probably 30 now, still wets the bed.
And he really thought he had a chance with me? Haha.
He always wets the bed because he drinks too much, I was too nice to hang out with him a second time.
This is hilarious! I was in tears laughing. :D
Funny post. I was once kicked out mid-sex by a girl. I actually wrote a post about it:
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/2009/09/john-motson-date.html
Nope and thank god for that! I did have a guy pee next to my side of the bed because he thought he got up and went to the bathroom but all he did was walk around the bed and not out the door...
Hahahaha! Sounds like a Tucker Max story for those of you that read "I hope they serve beer in hell" In fact I think it was one of his stories! lol! But if it happened to me I'd be traumatized. Although I'm already pretty traumatized walking in on my college gay roommate....
HA HA HA
HAHAHAHAHA. This story made me smile. Well, that was a complete turn off :)))))
@livingdeadgirl1428@xanga - Whoa? Nosebleeds during sex??? Please explain, this sounds interesting!