Wednesday, 21 April 2010
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He Wants Me to Be More Possessive
Long story short, I was discussing the concepts of jealousy and possessiveness in a relationship with my long-term boyfriend today, and we agreed that those two emotions/practices are rather unnecessary in a relationship, etc. ..That was the initial conclusion we came to, and one which he agreed with.
However, add another hour or two and some jokes about a certain Britney Spears song into the mix, and he later admits that he would "not mind" if I were possessive of him. (I never have been in the past, and I'm not at all a person prone to feeling jealousy). But when he coaxed it out of me that I would -hypothetically- be a tad bit more possessive-like than jealous, the follow responses were exchanged:
Me: "I don't mean that I'd ever be possessive or controlling in 'that way.' Not even in the sense that I'd literally just 'want you to be mine'."
Him: "Ah, you're already in control though I'm afraid.. You do have a certain power over me."
Me: "..What? Oh, but that's certainly a more mild 'control' that just comes with loving anyone..where two people have 'control' over one another in the sense that they wouldn't do stupid things to hurt them."
Him: "But you're not just a person. I know you're going to find this ridiculous, but well, you're like a goddess to me. So I don't mind if you're possessive, because I'm just yours either way."
Me: "Ok, that's sweet, but possessiveness is only flattering to a certain extent.."
Him: "I'm yours to the full extent, in every sense of the word."
Me: "But I don't want you to think it'd ever be as if I'd try to control you, or anything.."
Him: "But you could. If you wanted to, you could. You can make me do anything you want. You obviously have control over my faithfulness, but over what you want me to do too."Is he insane? Is this normal in love? Is it an overture to S&M? Is he just doing what people should do when in love, when they know their partner wouldn't take advantage of them?
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About the Author
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- From: wien7@xanga
- About Me: I like Vienna, literature (Kafka, Dostoevsky, Proust, Tolstoy, Sartre, etc) neuroscience and psychology journals before bed, sleeping for hours, melancholia, monsoons, dreaming, the ocean, and you.
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Comments (26)
That's hot, and very romantic.
Depending on how much you love him in return, maybe borderline creepy.
Not S&M, that would be more or less taking advantage of him, even if he allows it. Perhaps he tells you these things because it's somewhat true, but you've proven that you WOULDN'T do that... and he loves you.
If you did start being overly possessive and restraining, I'm sure he'd change his tune.
lol grammar fail.
@rxc2009y@xanga - BAHAHA Yes. That was the first thing I noticed too.
Go datingish for putting the title in Engrish.
gag
WHAT?? what are you complaining about???? confused really. a man confesses his love and you think hes insane lol
its natural when you love someone for them to have a certain control over you. as long as you dont use it in a bad way or abuse that.
The conversation was a little bit creepy to read. He doesn't sound like a typical man which I guess is a good and bad thing. At least you know he's giving you permission to be possessive and that if one day you were to become controlling, just save this conversation and be like "You told me I could."
omg. grammar check.
lol i wish my bf will say the same thing as well but he doesn't
so always end up im wrong : (
Oh well ~ heheh to me it a congrat to u :)
Thank you to the Datingish team for putting this up, and kindly note I was not the one who made the grammar mistake. Not that it ... even matters? Sor all of you ..aspiring English teachers/smart alecks, don't be annoying. "Ooh an 's' is missing and 20 other people already pointed it out. I'm going to do it too!"
I know i have some power over my bf but i don't use it..
it's just wrong..but what are you guys talking about? what horrible grammar fail is there?
i wish my bf would say that to me!! lol!
i am always told that i am TOO possesive!
Maybe he's afraid. Afraid you're going to go away and wants you by his side. I am not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
The title reminds of the stereotypical: "Me love long time." But I sure fail at grammar so who am I to poke fun?
I want to be possessed maybe...lol. But I'm not courageous enough to say anything like that to my boyfriend. It's rather that, I need to be led, and would gladly follow his lead. XD
Anyway, it sounds like he's really dedicated and truly loves you. Take it as a compliment =D
@a_metamorphosis@xanga - point exactly.
I had to read this because I thought maybe you meant aggressive. Other than that this makes me ask with the highly confused, "What?!"
you should be thankful.
he secretly wants you to spontaneously grab him roughly by his waist until he is about to fall but you securely hold onto him like those dancing with the stars couples, and then kiss him
except you're leading the way which the man usually does. he trusts you to do that.
If he depends on you to make decisions for everything, yes, it's creepy. But if not, then I guess it's him over expressing himself which is okay.
i think you have to find the balance... ive tried being laid back and completely non-possessive and the guy thinks im really just not interested at all... and overly-possessive... well that just gets annoying after awhile..
I think there is a difference between being possessive and displaying your true affection for someone
Haha funny, my guy and I were talking about this same exact topic today. My guy admits to being possessive but not to being jealous. I'm fine with that, as long as it's not to the point of it practically being a mental illness.
I understand where you're coming from...I've had a similar conversation. I don't want that kind of control...it just scares me quite honestly.
he just wants to feel wanted.
i like the love control...i like knowing that my boyfriend can/will protect me if i need it. i like knowing he's the one i come home to. i like knowing that i'm the one he wants to see when gets home from work. i like knowing he's my biggest support system and external motivator.
but other than that...i don't want to be controlled. i don't want to be told what to do or what not to do, or who to see or whatever. been there, done that...i mean, i'll try something new if he asks me to, but when it comes to things i realllly don't want to do for moral or death-avoidance reasons, then i put my foot down.
@Brittany - I agree.
I think it's love, and he's saying it in every way he can, he's telling you he's yours to the point that you could hurt him and he'd let you, and I think he's also telling you that he wouldn't mind in fact be turned on by you using him a little, and I think the underlaying idea behind that would be he wants to prove that what he's saying is true to you.
Because sounds like he's in love with you 100% baby girl.
Both of my SOs felt like I had a power over them, and both handled it differently. My first one fell in deep love and is still hoping we'll get back together. My second one found reasons to break up with me and is now dating someone with a weaker personality.