My best friend got married about 1 year and a half ago. Since then, every time we make plans to hang out her husband shows up too. Not that it's a problem, he's awesome, but I feel like there is this misconception that couples have to hang out as couples, and often can only be friends with other couples.
My boyfriend and I are planning a vacation in June and after about 2 weeks of planning, he asks "maybe we could invite K and S?"
K being my best friend, and S being her husband, who my boyfriend was friends with in college. My first thought?
That'd be fun, and it'll be nice, because it'll be even. 2 couples. 4 people. No awkwardness. No third wheels.
I think though, it doesn't have to be like that. When you become part of a couple you don't have to sacrifice your single friends, or make them feel out of place around you. My boyfriend and I hang out with single people all the time. We just stop acting like a couple. We won't hold hands or talk
just to each other, or do anything that might make the other person feel out of place. That's where K and S have it all wrong. They sit on the other side of the table from a single person, holding hands, smooching, all that. Really? Give it a rest.
My boyfriend often asks about my sister and brother-in-law. I told him how they were going to visit some friends, and his response was, "I bet they're all couples. Because couples can only hang out with couples." I argued him on that, saying that my sister has her friends and my brother-in-law has his friends, and they have friends who are couples, and they all hang out together, regardless of relationship statuses. However, I agreed and said that sometimes it's difficult to do the same things as you used to do with those single friends...
I'm not saying it
has to be difficult, I think it should be something you can work around. Why should being in a couple suddenly change your relationship with all your other friends?
What are your thoughts on couple friends?
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Comments (37)
It's awkward really. Unless you are just with one half of the couple, then its okay. sometimes.
I"m like you. Me and my boyfriend break our holding hands or other couple-y acts when we're with our friends, just to spare them the awkwardness. We hang out because we're all friends, not a couple + friends. Some other couples don't do that, but luckily we're all friends and we get along just fine.
I think the better question is, why is it that every time you want to hang out with your friends you have to bring your honey?
Definitly awkward. I have friends who have BFs but the guy isnt there 24/7 but he does check in on her just to see what we're up to. I guess they think just because i'm single and hanging out with an attached friend, i'm obviously out looking for guys which makes their bf uncomfortable when he can't hawk her. Maybe thats why guys tag along. Another thing i find awkward is the friend who voluntarily(sp?) makes herself the 3rd wheel. When i did actually have a bf i was never EVER alone with him cause i had no car and had to depend on E to bring me everywhere including to a boy's place. The guy lived about 10min from her sisters so you'd think ok just drop me off and you leave but noooo. She wanted to stay over and not just in one room. She went where ever we were. Once me and my guy were in bed watching a movie and she came in there and like cuddled behind me under the covers... It was a 3 some i totally didnt want. I think i need a car..
Hmm. I don't really feel that way. I don't feel the need to sacrifice our affection for the sake of a friend who's there, and apparently, none of my friends feel the need to sacrifice that either. My fiance is gone a lot of the day, so I have ample time to hang out with my own friends, and they're usually coupled up and I guess technically, I'm the third wheel. But they have no shame. They're all over each other! I'm not going to begrudge them their affection for my supposed comfort.
that's not true really..but usually i hang with my boyfriend because he does have a car and i don't xD but sometimes i do go off on my own. and he does too..but it's fine like that...xD
you can still hang out with your friends without your bf..
that is probably why my friends shout out PDA PDA PDA when we just hold hands, is it that awkward for single friends to see PDA ?
*shrugs* Doesn't bother me that much.
When I'm hanging out with my husband and our friends are there, I, personally, don't get all lovey dovey with him whether we're hanging out with couple friends or single friends. I would, however, give him a peck on the lips, hug him, tell him I love him because we're married and I shouldn't have to completely refrain myself from showing my affection towards him. Groping each other or just being all over each other is unecessary when we're out and can be saved when we're at home in the privacy of our own bedroom. Besides, you're there to hang out altogether so why any couple would be all over each other makes no sense to me.
I use to think that way about couples only hanging with other couples and I vowed NEVER to become "that couple". But then later on, I found out it was the other way around. My single friends only wanted to hang out with single people and didn't bother to call me out thinking that I was and will always be a Plus 1 from now on. Which clearly wasn't the case.
So what I would do in your shoes is to talk to your friend about the need for some girl time and leave the SO at home if that's the case.Hate it. Hate it hate it hate it. I'm the single friend, and I REFUSE to hang out with just a friend and their SO. Third-wheel is painfully awkward; it makes me want to punch glass. It's especially painful when they do get couple-y, and it's like "why am I here?" Then I get aware of the empty seat next to me, and then I start drifting into self-degrading thoughts... Then again, this is just me.
Maybe I actually have more of an issue with the third-wheel rather than single friends vs. couple friends. In a group setting, it's just fine. But don't bring your single friend along with JUST you and your SO, unless all parties seriously okay with this.
@petitenoirtenue@xanga - Agreed. Having this issue with one friend, actually... He threw a bitchfit because I said I don't want to hang out with him if his girlfriend always had to be there. I never agreed to a package deal. -__-
I have a friend who is newly affianced, and hanging out with the two of them together is awkward. What is worse, she can never have a night with just girls hanging out, he always shows up sooner or later, often at her insistence. Then they proceed to do all sorts of couple-y lovey dovey things. Needless to say, I don't hang out with her very much. I'm just waiting for the day she says we don't hang out enough, so I can rip her affianced behind a new one.
Whenever I have a significant other, I always try to keep PDA as nonexistant as possible to keep everyone comfortable. And I hang out with friends completely by myself sometimes, thank you very much.
I am one of three single people I know and I wouldn't mind if my coupled friends were codependent and glued to their partners. The only reason it makes me sick is because my friends are no longer separated entities. They have become the dreaded "WE."
Some friends, I don't care for their boyfriends - others I don't mind, others I even like, but it makes no difference to me. I don't want to hang out with Jimmy & Scott & Frank & Mike & Chris & Billy, ect ect ect. I want to hang out with you, not your other half.
But because my friends can never seem to drop the dudes, not even for a night, I really have cut down hanging out with these people because I refuse to be the odd person out. St. Patrick's day, I went out with 2 of my g/fs... by the end of the night, both their boytoys showed up, as well as another couple. I was the odd 7TH person out. Not cool and I refuse to do that crap every again.
Leave the boy at home or you are no longer welcome. That's my resolution for 2010.
i think is annoying! hugging/kissing in front ur face... errr...
get a room...
we all used to be single then one by one, each got married or got into a relationship...it pretty much wither down to me being the only single person in the group...when you're the only single person in a group of 15...it's not fun at all...
GAWH! Couple friends. I have a few friends who are currently engaged and a few others with boyfriends/girlfriends and I don't think that once you have an SO you have to give up your own social life. YES, be smart and don't go mess around with other people but geez, give one another some space to hang out with single friends. SINGLE FRIENDS NEED LOVE TOO! DXX In my case, I have friends that are into introducing their SOs so they at least know who is who when their mate goes to hang out with them.
Maybe I'm too open minded but if I have a distraction I don't even mind if my friends are railing one another in my presence. In fact, this has happened to me before.... It was kinda funny actually.
I'm in the middle here. It's almost always going to be awkward for the third person, no matter what. I know that even if my boyfriend and I weren't kissing or making out, my friend, whoever it is, would still feel uncomfortable.
But like someone else said, I'm not going to sacrifice my affection for my friend's supposed comfort. I don't mean, like, making out or kissing or banging each other. But if I'm out with my boyfriend, I'm going to hold his hand, and if that bothers you, then.. sucks for you.
I'm in a long distance relationship, so he doesn't hang out much with me anyway.
I feel like, as long as you know what IS appropriate and you know what ISN'T when you're with a group of people, then it's okay. Just don't go overboard and act like the people you're with, AREN'T there...? Haha.
I have plenty of couple friends and single friends and I honestly am able to hang out with both groups. Sure, jokes about being the "3rd wheel" or the "5th wheel" or even the "13th wheel" come up, but hey the couples are my friends, and I'm friends with both people so why wouldn't I want to hang out with them.
The best mix in one of the groups I hang out with is when we have both couples and singles together...and the singles aren't all just guys, so its not as bad as it would be being the only single one in the room.
Meh. I would hang out with my friend and her boyfriend all the time, and they'd hold hands and kiss. It didnt bother me at all.
What I find more difficult to reconcile is childless people and parents as friends. The two just seem to be on different planes of existence.
@Hermeown@xanga - That is so annoying! I hate it when my friends behave like that. I refer to them as 'units.' when this behavior begins. I'm sorry your friend wasn't very understanding. :(
as long as the couple isn't like, excessive with their PDA, who cares? i hang out with my friends who are couples alone, and me and my bf's single friends do things with us all the time! me and my boyfriend usually do to things with our friends together, but people usually want both of us around anyway ^_^
I go friend mode with my boyfriend when my other friends are around. It's so funny because both of us hardly talk whenever we're in a group. I don't know, it's like automatic for us since we both share the same circle of friends. Doesn't bother any of us.