Sounds like me and my ex, cept my ex would be Justin in this case.  Yet when we broke up, everyone got her side of the story and calls me the emotional abusive jerk.  It's really hard to get people to see they are in abusive relationships, especially if they think they are in love.  Usually it takes until the infatuation fades, or the abuse just gets too far.  Just telling your friend her bf is a jerk will probably never work, she'll just feel bad for him and start defending him.  It's a pretty horrible situation to be in.

Though I'm not happy that you used the name Justin to portray a jerk here hehe.

Go to my blogging site. Search through it until you see a post titled the truth about black & blue. My other site is AphoticxIllusion.

trust me.. dont even bother..

they wont see it, they will juz fink ur annoying

It's like trying to get an anorexic to eat. 
You can try, but until THEY WANT TO, it's not going to happen.
It's quite unfortunate.

I have a friend that's pretty much the exact same, except she and this guy (whose name happens to be Justin, actually <___< ) hang around, and she hangs off of him, and he just uses her.  It KILLS me to see this, and he's all cuddly with her (even though apparently he has a girlfriend?).  She buys things for him, and will do anything he asks, and she can be talking to you, but as soon as he shows up, she will completely ignore you.  *siiiiiiiigh* UGH.

It would be so much easier if it was physical abuse because then there is at least a bruise.

At least you're a good enough friend to notice the emotional abuse. However, how do you know it's because she doesn't want to be alone? The line between affection and actual emotional abuse can easily be skewed.

Your friend's story reminds me of my bathmate's boyfriend. They've been dating on and off for a year and they always argue, when together. I have not heard his side (she's naturally very sexy looking, not just naturally beautiful, so she attracts a lot of guys, without even flirting with them), but he's very jealous, and always thinks she is cheating when she just just says hi or shares notes with another guy. What's worse is that they are engaged. They recently broke up because he shook her and then they got back together a week later and retained that engaged status, because they are so sure they are soul-mates!

Of course, the thing with abuse is this whole circle. The abuser does/says something terrible to you, the victim feels down, the victim becomes suspicious of the relationship (and may take action), the abuser pulls back and turns the tables/shows affection, the victim remembers the good times and gets back with the abuser, where the cycle starts again. If anything, your friend is caught up in this cycle, which is so hard to get out of.

@Neko_Akuryou@xanga - I know its because she doesnt want to be alone because shes told me she is scared she is going to end up a crazy cat lady.  She doesnt like sleeping alone at night (I end up sleeping on the futon with her when they are in their "off" stage) and she fails to see the multitude of GOOD guys out there that are attracted to her.  

You don't.
Trust me she already knows.  She'll end the relationship when she has had enough, but it is something she has to do on her own.

you need to pray for your friend because the bondage she is in is more than emotional, it's spiritual and mental. She has bought into the lie that the only person that will love her is the douchebag she is with and that she will never find someone who would love her right. you see a lot of times what makes people stay in relationships like that is because they think they have invested too much to just walk away especially if they have slept with the person. The abuser knowing that there is attachment, constantly throws in their face the idea that the victim is throwing away what they have built together and then blames the victim for the destruction of the relationship. when the victim comes back, they go through the same cycle of abuse again. I was in a relationship with this guy on and off for about four years and it was constant drama. and to make it worse, there was always some stupid ex available to make him feel better about what he was doing. He rotated among his exes like we were a buffet and like a bunch of dumb girls, we would hate on each other and fight over someone who was blatantly abusing all of us. we were too proud and foolish, trying to prove to one another that we were the girl that he really cared for. we didn't understand that he didn't really care for either of us. we didn't understand that the issue was his character not who can be ok with the most amount of abuse and lies, we didn't understand that we were encouraging the cycle of abuse and betrayal he was doing to each of us. so when i finally stopped talking to this dude i changed my number and everything to make sure he didn't get in touch with me....lo and behold, he got my number and in late fall started calling me under a restricted number leaving creepy music voice messages on my phone, songs that we liked together and i was like WTH?! so i changed my number again. abusive people don't get the message until you are consistent in staying away from them. but that dude was mad manipulative and emotionally draining. i stopped trying to be the girl that "claims" him because i finally realized that i deserved better and I COULD DO BETTER. i had so many people praying for me and it was by the grace of God that i healed from that relationship because four years of that kinda crap will make you an abusive person as well. a lot of girls who keep finding themselves in unhealthy relationships over and over and over again do so because they don't give themselves enough time to heal so they keep making the same mistake. when you have a history of unhealthy relationships you start to exhibit the patterns and abuse done to you to other people and other relationships you enter. when your friend gets out of that relationship, she going to need you and other people to help her stay away from him because of the pull of familiarity and the lie that maybe he will change if she shows herself committed. nah, if you let someone who treats you like trash know that you will stay no matter what, they will never treat you any different.

Yup, hate to say it, but there is nothing you really CAN do. Until she is ready to finally open her eyes and walk away, you can talk until your face is blue and it's not going to have any effect. Been there, done that. My "friend" (and I say "friend" because I'm not really sure that we are anymore) has horrible taste in men. Her current boyfriend who she's been with for...about 3 years (off and on) is a TOTAL moocher and nothing but a lazy bum. This guy has nothing going for him. He is ugly inside and out. Long story short, when they broke up and I found out she was still allowing him to mooch off her, I flipped out and called her a doormat (among other things). And you know what? They still got back together.

What you do next is up to you, as people have conflicting feelings. Some will tell you to stick by her side, as she will need emotional support--especially if it does get really bad and she needs someone to turn to. Others, like myself, will decide that enough is enough, and pretty much cut her out of their life. You reach a point where you can't deal with the bullshit anymore, and you don't want to hear about it anymore. When you watch a very close friend do the same stupid thing over and over, it's just emotionally draining. I have stuck to my guns thus far--when our group of friends have get togethers and they invite *her* and her boyfriend, I refuse to come. It may sound childish to some people, but I refuse to be around her boyfriend. I feel that when my friends allow him to come around, they only encourage her behavior (even though they all agree this guy is a douchebag).

Sorry to say there is no easy answer for this one. If you think you can hang in there and continue to support her, I would. Otherwise, go your separate ways. It's only going to end when she wants it to. Good luck!

Wow this sounds exactly like something my best friend would say about me & my boyfriend. It's so much easier to sit there & think of how stupid us girls are for staying with a guy who treats us like complete shit & yet we go back every single time expecting him to change & stay changed, but they always go back to their old ways. I used to be that strong, independent girl who didn't need a man in her life. I was perfectly happy with where i was at, & with the people I had in my life. I was always to go to friend when my friends had any problems because according to them I always gave the best advice. I never could understand why the hell a girl would put up with an asshole when all he did was cause her pain, why wouldn't she just move on and find someone better the worlds full of guys! All these thoughts ran through my head & yet i still couldn't find the answer, until it happened to me.

Ive been on & off with my current boyfriend for about a year now. Looking back on our relationship the first few months were amazing but the middle was strictly HELL. What i went through with him & how much i put on the line just for him blows my mind thinking of it now. I was the happy, outgoing, friendly, hyper girl who everyone loved and had a fun time with until i met him, & i lost half of who i was. I pushed my family away for him as well as my friends. Everything that was once important to me slowly I started to push away, because all my attention was focusing on him. He played so many mind games with me, & emotionally abused me. I knew all of this. I finally had the courage to break it off, the first time I ever ended it. & i was perfectly fine after i did it, it felt like a relief. I felt happy, once again. That was until he started texting me & saying how he was sorry he knew he messed up & he was going to change. I eventually caved in, but told him i needed him to prove it to me. After a couple of weeks we were dating again. All had been good the first few months & then we were right back to square one. I was even more emotionally into him this time, & i knew had that hope that he would change because he easily did it for a couple of months. I broke it off two more times after this, & the last & final straw was when he lied to me & went to a party with some girl & in the morning i wake up to pictures on facebook of him all over her. & then i find out hes also been hanging out with some other girl. This is was it for me. I bawled my eyes out & after i was done i hated him. I blocked his number & that was it. We both started dating different people, but i just wasnt able to be emotionally into my relationship with the guy i was with because honestly it was more of a rebound & it wasnt fair to either of us, so i ended that. After my abusive boyfriend heard that i was single again, he got a new number & called me that night. He had talked to one of my friends about this & she convinced me he was changed & to give it another try. We talked for 4 hours &  we both realized that we were both still in love with each other. & i knew he was capable of changing so i was ready to give it another shot. This is what keeps the girls like me, & all the other girls in abusive relationships in them. We feel like that we put so much time and effort into this & we don't want it all to go to waste, its that hope that they will change that will always keep us hanging on to them. They also manipulate us by playing mind games, making us think that they are the only ones for us.

Like i said in the year that we have been together i have gone through so much with him that would take me hours to write. But i can honestly say that once i stopped caring so much, & no longer keep things in me that bother me, he has finally changed his ways. It took a whole year to him to do it, but right now our relationship is better than ever before. We've been together for the longest ever without breaking up. We continue to have some problems, but its nothing serious & nothing that can't easily be resolved, after all no relationship is perfect. Knock on wood it stays this way. After going through all the things i went through i've grown a lot stronger & learned so much not only about relationships but also about myself. Another thing is, us girls aren't perfect either. We do things that drive guys crazy, & that we also need to change. There is always room for improvement on both parts. I made an agreement with myself with this relationship & i told myself that if it doesn't improve by this summer he would be completely out of my life, but it has.

I know it doesn't sound right for people to stay in abusive relationships, but i can't say it will never get better because i have seen both sides. My friends experiences as well as my own. It all depends on the person, & how willing they are to change & how long they can stick to it. Honestly i've made soo many people dislike him because i always go & vent to them about any problems we are having & quite frankly they're sick of having to hear the same thing over & over again & giving me advice on what to do & me completely ignoring it. & i don't blame them for feeling this way. The best thing you can do is continue to be there for her. Maybe show her this, let her read all the comments & have her decide what is best for her. But remember no matter what the decision will be all her. If she decides to stay in this, & continues to get hurt, its her own fault. But if she gets out of it, you will need to be there for her even more than ever before. I hope everything works out for the best!

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a few months. It wasn't the controlling kind; it was more the kind where I didn't really matter to him but he continued to string me along even when I would try to tell him that maybe we shouldn't be together. I spent the last six months of that relationship hating myself, and being told that I was annoying and being treated like a child. Did I realize this? No, because I wanted it to work so badly. The worst part was, a lot of my friends didn't even see it, but the friends that did could tell how miserable I was. I wish that more people had told me to end it because when he ended up breaking up with me, I had become so ridiculously attached that it was the worst breakup ever. Friends don't like to interfere because it makes them feel like it's not their place but if it's an obviously unhealthy relationship, someone needs to step up and say something, even if the friend won't listen.

I have a friend going through the same thing right now. The sad thing is she's always been here helping ME deal with the damage from my abuser!!!!