Monday, 12 April 2010
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Are We More Than Sex?
Sometimes we get caught up in the heat of the moment, and let things get off to a firey start. Sex happens. But what happens what sex happens, and relationships don't?
It can be a challenge to decipher between "casual sex" and courting. In this day and age, sex doesn't constitute what it used to. It is perfectly acceptable (and actually rather common) for couples to engage in sex before establishing a commitment. You think it's bad being stuck between a rock and a hard place - try being stuck between your partner and his mattress. This sex sandwich - if you will - is expiring and now you find yourself questioning what this will amount to (indigestion..for sure).
In this kind of situation, clues can be vital. Chances are, if he's texting you daily and inviting you over for more than a night of erotic pleasure (followed by a high five or pat on the back), there may be more to it than just sex. Dare I say he may even like you? *Gasp* But unfortunately, with guys.. you never know.
It's best to discuss your dating destination as a duo and know for sure where you are sailing before your ship sinks. As these things progress it is natural for us to hold on in high hope that something may develop. Sadly, without prompt conversion in the subject of "where we stand" you'll remain exactly where you are; on your back, on his bed.
Have you ever wondered if it was more than just sex, but you weren't sure?
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- From: thebreakupblog@xanga
- About Me: No break-up is alike. A frequently updated blog on break-ups, dating, and relationships. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. Some real life stories and experiences, much comedy and sarcasm.
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Comments (41)
No. That sounds pretty horrible. You should know beforehand it's just sex, or you know, do the "unpopular thing" and know there's a commitment before you spread your legs. If you can't talk about that, I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't be having sex with that person. But that's just me.
I knew it was more than sex... mostly because when the "is this just sex" is going on in a relationship, the partner is usually fixated on personal pleasure and "how can I give enough to make sure I can get some more of this the day after tomorrow". Hell, I haven't even physically had sex with this guy yet ... so I guess I can't really say.
I'll get back to ya
haha!
wait. does phone sex count?
This is why I'm waiting til I'm married. There should be no question about "more than sex" by then lol!
Yep. Just recently actually. Weve been friends for going on 5 years now, he sent me signals when we were around each other that he wanted someone like me. Then his girlfriend broke up with him, he came here distraught, didnt know what he wanted, and I gave in. He then realized he didnt actually want me because Im just like him. Figures.
It's why I don't do one nighters and casual sex. I prefer long term relationships since I cherish the commitment and companionship more.
hmm good thing I have never been in this situation before...
I say stop having casual sex with guys... I mean that's pretty much all they are gonna want from you once you start. Try it the other, more normal way next time. Actually get to know the guy, date, be in a committed relationship, and then have sex. k? k good.
This entry couldn't have come at a better time for me right now... haha.
Yep. The day my current boyfriend and I hooked up. I had liked him for a long time, even though I had a boyfriend, and I had some pretty strong feelings that he liked me as well, especially considering how much he wanted to hang out with me and be there for me once my boyfriend at the time and I broke up. He had a girlfriend, but cheated on her with me, and decided to break up with her. We didn't start dating for about 3 weeks though. Judge all you want, it sounds sketchy I know, but this is the happiest relationship I've ever had. Casual sex is always risky though. Usually not a good idea to do that with someone you have feelings for.
My husband and I had a "one night stand" type of situation, then we started dating. Now we've been married over four years.
casual sex is what it is.. if you wanted a relationship you should have made that clear in the beginning. and if it is just casual sex and one of you start to get feelings for the other than you either attempt to date.. or break it off.
Just think before you do.
I've never wondered if it was just sex or more because I don't believe in casual sex. Cuts out a lot of that questioning and cuts out the riffraff who are only in it for sex.
Once I'm in a relationship and I'm comfortable enough to have sex, then it's on! Otherwise, I don't need the confusion.
i know one of my fd was engaged in this situation..
shes so dumb...-____-''
everyone told her, he just wanna sex.. but she thought he was more...
sigh*
I'm often sure what it is about. in my unfortunate encounters, 9 times out of 10 they mainly want sex. even the guy that I was gaga over in a long distance relationship for a couple of months disappointed me when I found out he just saw me as a booty call. I'm not the type to hook up either. I think I need to maybe look less attractive and not flirt so much
You know, I'd like to think that the pre-emptive moments before sex says a lot about what kind of a situation you're getting yourself into in the first place. I mean, lets be honest, we can all smell a one night stand coming from a mile away. So i mean, whatever... we all want a moment of fun and danger.. sure... but what I dont get, is how you can get into a situation where the lines between sex and relationship are just unsure. Yeah, there's the one night stands, the fuck buddies, the friends with benefits, and the relationships... but who gets themselves into a situation where the lines are that skewed that you honest to god, dont know? Aside from just wanting to get some, or to release the tension that needs to be released every now and again, what other reason would you have to just go and hop in bed with someone? To get someone to like you? I dunno.. that seems kinda counterproductive. Maybe flagrant sex outside of any given relationship is just... sex for sex sake... and furthermore, I would go as far as to say that the people who find themselves asking if this is sex or something more probably dont have much room to be frustrated about it.. i mean... no one force them to get in bed.... otherwise, this blog would be titled "Are we more than just rape?"
I think it's really important for each person to know solidly for themselves what they want in a relationship at a given time. If you are having sex with a guy hoping that it will lead to more...not so great and idea, because if/when it doesn't...major pain.
Here is my rule of thumb, don't ever have sex, EVER, with anyone (SO included) if you are not comfortable with it just being what it is. If you have any serious reservation about it, or if you are in a new relationship and really don't know if you and the other are in the same mental space, and that sort of thing matters to you...don't do it.
Don't ever do it hoping it 'means' something more than an episode of fun. Even between me and my long term partner...sex is just sex. Yeah, we have the whole relationship thing, and that's great, but sex is NOT loaded with a ton of hidden agendas, secret messages, promises...it's just an awesome romp. We have so much fun because we do have that trust in one another, so it doesn't have to be a big soul melding experience. We can relax and enjoy it because not every thrust is fraught with meaning.
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I guess this would be acceptable if both parties are just in it for the sex with no intentions to pursue a romantic relationship and in that case it might be just a one night stand or perhaps a FWB relationship. I always thinks it's best to lay down the rules before getting involved intimately. You definitely don't want to have sex with someone who is interested in more than just sex while you just want to have fun. That can get really messy and awkward.
story of my last relationship.
my ex and i didnt start off like that but it quickly led to risky situations that then led to it. All within the span of a little over a month, but needless to say, we wanted more from it but in the end it jus tdidnt happen.
Last week we started talking again but got back into the habits. As the end of the post said, I had to clarify with her what her intentions were. If it was just temporary or if we had another shot. We didn't so I saved myself from a bigger hurt later on.
So yesss its a great idea to ask where you stand, if youre a guy or a girl
@materialactress@xanga - you are so true girl haha :]
i guess some people still live in a different age where casual sex doesn't happen for them. but i'm not going to say its the right thing to do. but i'm not going to say its the wrong thing to do either.
@XoAsianBabioX@xanga - I thought you were that one that wanted sex and HE is the one that wanted a relationship? lol
i would never have sex with someone i wasn't absolutely sure i loved, so no, i can't say i've ever been in this situation.