Saturday, 10 April 2010
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Love Triangle: What Should I Do?
Okay, this is something different from everything else or maybe it just sound the same as all the love stories that you've heard. I can't figure out what is happening in this relationship triangle. Here is the story:During this relationship, I was kinda cut off with my friends so all I had was my bofriend. The major problem was that we disagreed with each other and I had a hard time dealing with his emotional swings. We had been dating for almost 3 years and the problems were never solved.
After I graduated, I traveled to my hometown to visit my relatives and there was an opportunity for me to work there. I know we love each other a lot but I thought the problems between us would never end, so I made a decision to break up with him.
I said tons of really cruel things to him just so he could move on easily but it wasn't easy for me either.
I was so depressed but I also believe long distance relationships never work (personal opinion). So I stopped talking to him. After 4 months, I found out on Facebook that he is dating another girl since February 9th already. I totally broke down.
I started talking to him again, (yes, I know, I made that decision and I shouldn't be the one to blame him). After 1 month, she moved in with him because of financial problems.
He knows that I'm not over him at all and he told me he still loves me but he also doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend. So we kept our little secret online. We chat a lot on emails because it's hard for him to talk to me on the phone or on MSN.
Seems like the old days that we always send each other love emails. He also tries not to put pictures of them together on Facebook or anything else.
I took 2 weeks off to come back for vacation and he always tried to find free time for me. We kissed, we cuddled, we talked, and we walked on the beach. He skipped work just for me. I cried a lot during these 2 weeks. I didn't get why he was cheating on his girlfriend and also why he was not willing to break up with her.
He asked me, "Okay, if I break up with her, and then? Will you come back for me?" I don't know how to answer that. I can't come back for another 2 years. I need to achieve whatever I need to do before coming back. He is not willing to wait. He needs someone to be there for him as well but on the other hand he loves me the most.
I have one more day left until I fly back to my hometown. I hate the way that I'm actually the 3rd person in the relationship now. This just totally feels like a bad dream to me.
Datingish readers, do you think I should stop talking to him? What do you think I should do? Please help me.
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Comments (21)
You should stop it. Period. You're being selfish, and so is he. If it didn't work before, and it isn't working now, and you aren't ready, then what the fuck are you doing exactly? You should've never encouraged the cheating in the first place. All of this just reeks of immaturity and selfishness. My answer is: You need to grow the fuck up.
i agree with this dude.
@Schristian@xanga - harsh, but very very true. words needed to be said.
You need to break it off because he's CHEATING on his girlfriend with you -- imagine how she feels?
If he wants to be with you, he'll break it off with her. Right now, he's just playing you both.
Yeahhh. I understand you're pretty emotional and that means you're not using your logic. Remove your emotions and use your logic...does ANY of this make sense to you? Because really, all you're doing is making things more painful than they have to be. If you can't be with him, then let him go. There's no sense in torturing yourself as well as him. But don't expect in 2 years when you have time for him that he won't be in love with someone else. Which I think is what you're afraid of....you're afraid of losing him completely. Well, that might not be a bad thing, ya know.
What the fuck? Seriously? You need to stop. You're crying over him cheating on his girlfriend, yet you're LETTING HIM DO IT. And he doesn't sound like such a winner either. If he's willing to cheat on her with you, what makes you think he's not going to cheat on YOU if you get back together? And why are you doing this with him if you're not even sure you're going to get back together with him?
Just stop talking to him.
I agree with Schristian. Neither one of you are ready for a relationship. You both need to grow up.
Look,no one becomes "the other woman" because of her emotional stability. Letting yourself be in that place is a sign that you are
notfeeling okay. Look at the first part of the blog, you were cut off from your friends and you couldn't handle this guys mood swings when you were together. He was not good for you. He isn't good for you now. It sounds like you're not being your usual self with him now that you're broken up, either.
It's gonna suck, but you've got to get away. Block his facebook, ignore his emails. Guys who were not good for you while you were together don't suddenly become good for you when you're apart.
You're a confused human being. You're kind of like me. Ha ha but i don't do this. I think your situation is pretty interesting. I don't think you need advice. You, yourself knows that it's wrong so that's why you blog on here. Nothing we say will make you change your mind. It's up to you really to decide to breakup or get back with him. I'm assuming that you're an adult. Just make your own choice and don't regret it okay? :)
@Schristian@xanga - totally agreed...
Someone needs to tell the girlfriend so she can dump this guy. I can't stand cheaters...arrgh!
You're a moron. Not only are you selfish but you're a coward, unwilling to be honest with him about your feelings. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that you have no freaking idea what you're doing.
You want advice? How's this - stop interfering with his life and tell him to move on. He can do so much better than you. You know what you are doing is wrong.
I was in a similar situation to yours. My ex got together with his girlfriend and then moved in with her, a month after we broke up, whilst maintaining contact with me. She never knew, and had she done she would have banned him from doing so. I still loved him and wanted him back so I selfishly maintained our friendship just incase there was a chance to get back together. Finally, it came. He called me one day saying that they'd split and that he wanted me back. Two days later he got back together with her. I asked myself why, when he wasn't in love with her, he was in love with me, when he said that she wasn't his soulmate, but I was. I know why, because he and I had a history, and it didn't work, so why would it work again? And because we don't live in the same country, and we already had done long distance for 17 months. He wanted a girlfriend that was there 24/7 and I couldn't give him that. I won't be able to for another two years.
Through counselling I have learnt that I am not good for him and he is not good for me. Eventually, when we have both healed we will both realise that we are happier and better off without one another. I've been with other people since, and he has a new girlfriend, which made me realise that we can't have still loved one another that much. The feelings must have died, even if only a little, because how else could you be with someone else?
Let him go. It's best for you and it's best for him. Part of why you want him back is because he's with someone else. Subconsciously you're probably wondering how he could have got with someone else first when you're the one who broke up with him. If it didn't work out in the first place what's to say that it will work out this time? If he'd rather have someone with him that he doesn't love, then be with the one he loves, then obviously he doesn't love you that much. It hurts, but I had to realise that. And I'm okay.
@sexyscorpions@xanga - Well put.
@Schristian@xanga - Ouch. True, but still harsh, :P.
@Schristian@xanga - I agree. Grow up. You are not even in this relationship for one thing, no third person. You're helping him cheat, first or not, you're still the other woman. Get on with your life... if he wants just you, he'll break up with her. If you want him and the only way to be with him is to be there, you'll be there... otherwise, if what you're doing where you are is more important, you should keep doing it, go home. Sorry, that's just the truth.
I think you should stop. It is being selfish, honestly. It didn't work before, it can't work now, so it won't in the future either. It's also never a good idea to help someone cheat. What is this achieving? He's only been with this girl a couple months, of course he's not going to love her now as much as he did you. He didn't allow much time before moving on, obviously. It sounds more like you are hindering their relationship because you still have feelings for him. This is why it is selfish. You just need to move on, and find someone better anyway. Someone who keeps you from your friends? Not healthy.
I don't know why you would put yourself in that situation when you broke up with him because 1) you both never solved your "issues" in the relationship and 2) you personally don't believe that LDR don't work.
Stop whoring yourself around and move on with your life and he should do the same. But then again, you two make the perfect match. Someone just need to tell the girlfriend to leave that loser of yours and find someone better.
Move on. There is someone better out theid for you.
have a threesome.
hes obviously looking for a relationship your not ready to really commit to.
you both have two different priorities; if you're focused on your work; then stick to that.
let him be happy with her. and move on!
It's easy to want what you gave up. Be strong and let him go for good.
How about he moved to where you live? Anyway, though this all seems so complex to me. I think if he really wanted you, he wouldn't have you as the other girl on the side. That's very disrespectful....