I don't think casually dating several people is bad. I actually love the idea. Why try to figure out if one person you're seeing is relationship-worthy if you can date many and choose the best one?
Of course, as long as the person you're dating knows that you're a casual dater and doesn't think you are exclusive. Also, when I say "date" I mean going out to dinner, watching a movie, having a picnic, etc. Not sleeping with 4 different people in the same week.
However, what puzzles me are open relationships. So things may be a little complicated with the person you're seeing and depending on whatever situation you're in, you both agree that an open relationship is the best for you because you don't want to ultimately cut off all ties.
Okay, that part I get too. But then what if a person is in a relationship for four years and decides to have an open relationship?
I know this girl who was happily in love with her boyfriend from high school. Even though they went to different colleges they agreed to stay together. They would visit each other and take pictures together and kiss and do all sorts of lovey-dovey things.
Then, one of my friends fell completely head over heels for her. He would always listen to what she had to say, hang out with her one on one, and catered to whatever she needed.
Although he was being an idiot for attempting to woo a girl who was already in an extremely serious relationship, none of us really thought anything would happen because she seemed to committed. Until she started leading him on.
They would spend several hours at night cuddling, they would get drunk and flirt excessively, they would even kiss. On group outings they stuck together and acted like a couple.
Confused by her feelings (and probably guilty of being such a coquette), she confessed how she was feeling to her boyfriend. Devastated but not wanting to let her go, he begged for an open relationship. She continued to lead on other guys who pursued her, physically and emotionally. Whenever she was asked about her relationship status, she would talk as if she didn't have one.
What's wrong with this picture? Here is one person who is so in love with his girlfriend and would do anything for her. Yet, she is being unfair to him and all of the other guys pursuing her. She makes herself partially available yet not quite fully, and the boy gives her all his attention and energy yet he doesn't get even half of it in return.
Do you think this is fair? How do you feel about open relationships? Would you ever be in one?
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Comments (28)
This is completely unfair. I know a girl who does this. Completely totally, annoyingly, ridiculously unfair. Bitch.
No, I would not. Not in a million years.
I don't agree with open relationships. If you want someone, be with them. Period. If you don't, don't. If you can't decide, break off everything, and get your shit together before entering a committed relationship.
I'm far too insecure for something like that. It would ruin what self-esteem I have.
Open relationships are the future. I know more and more people who are doing it, and the older I get, the more the idea of a monogomous, wife and two kids situation turns me off.
Check out my dating disasters:
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
It isn't fair. I hate the idea. I also hate being led on and left to hang and left in a cycle between those two states until I realise and walk away.
My cousin is gay and him and his boyfriend have an open relationship. It's weird because they always talk about making out and being attracted to other guys in front of each other but yet they still love and sleep with each other. I would never be able to deal with it - I get jealous way to easy. That boyfriend needs to stop settling with her and her flightiness.
If this is a long-distance relationship, you don't really know what he's doing now that the relationship is open. You kind of just assume he's giving his all to her, but he could be out pluggin a new chick every night. Plus, he asked for an open relationship. I don't care the circumstances he asked for one in, he knows what an open relationship is and what it means to the dynamic of the relationship. Everything she's doing is allowed under the confines of an open relationship, so she's not being unfair to him. If he wanted it to be an open relationship for the wrong reasons, then that's his fault.
I don't have a problem with open relationships. I've never been able to think of a good reason why cheating is considered so immoral. I'd like to say it's because you made an implicit promise to no fuck anyone else, but I think there's something even more behind it that I can't figure out. Otherwise, open relationships wouldn't be as taboo as they are. But I don't see a problem with open relationship, and part of that is due to the fact that I believe you can love someone and mess around with other people. Hell, I also believe that you can be in love with more than one person at once. All open relationships do is drop that insecurity of thinking you're being cheated on and letting you just enjoy your time together.
Fuck open relationships. Never. I, for one, am in a very serious relationship right now. I love him. And love, for me, takes on a spiritual aspect that I couldn't have with more than one person. And sleeping with other people, giving into physical impulses when you have someone right there that should mean everything to you...why?! If you don't want to be with me, don't be with me, simple as that. But if I'm you're one and only, if you love me, you LOVE me. And that is that.
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - You hit it square on.
The guy is also in an open relationship and is probably flirting around too. Assuming that he is, is she still being unfair? Not really. In fact, that's basically the definition of an open relationship and frankly, given that there's a distance between them, an open relationship is probably best.
I believe an open relationship can work so long as both people are in total agreement with it which of course is basically the grounds for any situation. These two people aren't married or even engaged. Yeah, they've together awhile, but if they really truly love each other that much, this open relationship won't last that long. Either that or one of realizes that there are better options. Either way, it's for the best.
this kinda thing happens all the time...
It works for uncommitted people. It's another way for them to cheat on each other without saying that they're "technically cheating". They want both the cake and the ice cream...
i don't see how that's any different/worse than dating several people at once.
and obviously if she's turning to other (more attentive) men, she's not getting what she needs or wants at home in some way.
While ideally, open relationships should be formed under calm circumstances, with complete unpressured, consent from both partners, yes, he wanted an open relationship, and he knows what that entails. Usually, an open relationship means that the original couple shares the strongest bond, while the other partners they may bring in will probably come and go. So, really, it sounds like they're just putting a label on their relationship so they can both sleep around and still 'have' each other at the end of this college experience. Which is fine. Whatever they need to do. But usually open relationships are decided on by both partners, and not in a time of crisis, and that partnership is honored during the entire process of bringing in more people.
I wish I could help you out, but I know too many guys who let themselves be treated that way and I don't know how to help them understand they need to get out. the best you might be able to hope for is for these guys to realize on their own that she is a waste of time.
totally unfair, and so noooooot fair, i hate open relationships and will never be in one
Just goes to show. When are sluts and whores.
been there. done that. bought the t-shirt and the heartache that followed! i was in a relationship and had my heart broken. finally thought i could move on. found someone who treated me right, kinda smothering, said he lvoed me and spoiled me rotten. i couldnt take it. i wasnt ready to be in lvoe and i told him that. then he wanted me allllllllll the time. and would get mad bc i wouldnt have sex with him. i told him, just bc im ur girlfriend doesnt mean im gonna fuck u, esp after 2 weeks! wth?! so what happens? the ex comes back into the picture. i try n break up with boyfriend and he wont let me. begs for an open relationship to keep me around. so fine. thats what we do. and the ex? he has a girlfriend. so what do we do? end up hooking up and starting to rekindle what we once had. he left his girlfriend. my open relationship ended. and now? im hurting bc the ex who promised me the world... and i thought we were working on rebuilding something... wants to fuck around still... but lvoe me and marry me when hes ready. seriously? i dont think so. i thought i wanted to date around but... maybe i was wrong. i wont go back to the bf that i jus left bc... he annoys the fuck outta me. but sometimes... were just not ready for what we think we are.
idk. open relationships are ok... but... you REALLY have to be ok with it. and letting the other person do what they want with whom they want. and if u cant handle it... dont do it. why havent i said goodbye to the ex that came back? because we have fucking yankee tix for next weekend. but after next weekend... its peace out cubscout. i deserve better... even tho i want to be with him forever... i cant wait forever. i shouldnt have to. even tho his parents love us. and everyone loves us. and we have plans pretty much until the end of summer... it really sucks. but... oh well.
cant keep lookin in the rearview right?
Whatever. If the guys are okay with it, it's their choice.
You know, if her 1st boyfriend is willing to accept the status quo, then he is the one who has to deal with her behavior. Eventually he will either set some boundaries or decide that she isn't the one for him. It looks like she has some growing up to do and maybe she needs to break up with her main boyfriend. Are we really that aghast at her behavior or that jealous that we can't have our cake and eat it too? Just saying..... And really, what would we tolerate from the one we loved if we were willing to hold on to them at any cost? As for me, I would have to let him go if the situation were reversed. Perhaps her boyfriend has other women on the side too and this is the way he can assuage his feelings of guilt. Who knows?
I really don't think I'd ever be okay with an open relationship. no matter what, I would want a relationship in which my significant other belong to only me.
when people say that they don't see anything wrong with a relationship in which people cheat on each other, it's just because you're conforming to society. it doesn't matter how little monogamy remains in the world; just because everyone does something that's wrong, it doesn't make the thing okay. eventually, I'm sure that society will deem it okay for girls to walk around shirtless even if we think that's disgusting right now. it's just a matter of whether or not you constantly conform to society instead of forming your own views on things.
I'm not saying that everyone should have my values of remaining faithful to your significant other and especially your spouse, but if you did at one point have those values, I would find it sad if society changed your view on that just because it seems as though everyone cheats on each other. but if you never had these values in the first place, then that's another issue.
it's definitely not fair because she's not being honest to him and not telling him the truth while he's giving her the time and the day.
these type of relationships are just not for me. way too complicated.
I think open relationships would work for long distance relationships if both the people in the relationship abstained from sex. An open sexual relationship is what makes the whole deal a slutty mind game. If you're with somebody that lives far away and going on dates with other guys for fun and to see if you're more compatible with anyone else it's not a ridiculous idea. I could never do it, but it works for some people as long as it's not some huge dating orgy.
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - Props.
Open relationships aren't generally a last-ditch effort by one or the other to stay together if it means he/she'll be heartbroken all the time. Either he's doing some flirting, etc on his end, or this isn't going to last long.
These sorts of things work best if there is just one thing that one partner isn't getting: sex, or cuddling, whatever. They find people who can satiate just those things, and then go home to their partner for everything else. In my opinion, anyway. As long as both partners agree and are aware of how everyone's feeling, there's no reason why it couldn't work. Long distance relationships are hard on everyone involved, so as long as everything's in the clear, I say have at it.
I think it's very unfair and slutty. I would never be in an open relationship.