Thursday, 08 April 2010
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Is It Wrong To Date Your Ex's Best Friend?
I met this guy a while ago, when school started. We kind of hit it off, and there was a definite spark, but it had one issue. He wasn't ready for a monogamous relationship.
We still flirted after that, held hands and did all the things that couples do, but he would never ask me out. When we finally did go out, we had been a fling for a few months. When he finally decided to go out with me, I felt extremely happy, until we had a conversation about it. He said it probably wouldn't last, after all we're only in high school and those relationships never last, but he went on about how we could still be friends after it was over. I really didn't want to hear him talk about it, even if it is the truth. But he made it seem like he still didn't want to be in a relationship. I was finally ready to end it.
During this whole charade I had slowly gained a really good relationship with his best friend, and we have a lot in common. When the relationship ended we started talking about how we were a good match. I really like him, but I'm still unsure if this is okay.
If the guy you were with doesn't seem to care about you, is it okay if you go out with his best friend? Or is this breaking some unspoken rule?
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- From: alice_eigailia@xanga
- About Me: I'm an open-minded soul. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own decisions in life, and I'm not against abortion, homosexuality or bisexuality (as I am bisexual) or even hederosexuality. I have nothing against Atheists, Christians, Wiccans, Mormons, Buddhists, or any other type of religion, they all need to be accepted. Labels and people who discriminate absolutely infuriate me, because I really don't have it in me to hate anyone. I am a poet, but mostly just a writer. Prose poems are my favorite. On this blog I do not have a name, race, or age, for I write here for therapeutic reasons only.
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Comments (66)
Been there, done that.
It worked out well after the initial awkwardness.
Would you want him to date YOUR best friend..?
Well... yeah. That's wrong. How would you feel if he dated your best friend?
if things never got serious between you and him, then there isn't much to worry about. if you really like this guy and think it's worth it, then go forth with it. from what I see, it isn't a big deal since you and your ex weren't really serious.
If you really like him and he really likes you then you shouldn't let anything stand in your way, even the fact that you use to date his best friend. I mean there was obviously a reason why it didn't work out with your ex and why you and him started talking.
im in the exact oppisite situation.
i was the best friend, allthough i wasnt her best friend.
they only went out for 3 months.
i lost 4 friends because of it.
idk.
ask the friend who your diggin how he feels about it and how he thinks your ex would react
i mean your previous relationship didn't sound very serious and its too bad for him that he didn't even seem to want things to work out.
go for the gold. be happy.
Since he wasn't an actual boyfriend, and if the friend wants to date you, why not?
Well, I dated my best friend's ex, which is the situation described from his perspective.
It went terrible. We got in a fight and didn't talk for 9 months. But the guy's gone now and we're friends again, haha.As long as you're doing it for the right reasons, and not to hurt your ex, then sure.
Check out my dating disasters:
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
From what you said, it doesn't sound like you and the first guy ever dated. So, I'm not sure why you would even use "ex" to describe him. Also, if that is the case you are not breaking any unwritten rule. However, if you and the first guy actually dated, then I would suggest you not to go through with it.
THERE IS NO UNSPOKEN RULE. the supposed unspoken rule is stupid. if you're over the first guy and the first guy is over you, then why shouldn't you go for his best friend? the first guy doesn't have a claim over you. go for it.
The only way I would ever do it was if I really thought the relationship with the friend was going somewhere. It wouldn't matter if the ex and I weren't very serious. I would still have to talk to both guys to make sure it was OK. I wouldn't want to come between two friends.
I wouldn't date an ex's best friend or anyone in my circle of friends. it is just my personal line that I don't cross. maybe talk to your ex about it to see if he minds.
I try to stay away from the friend thing... but guys don't follow the same rules as girls (should) do. I can't count how many times I broke up with a boyfriend and within a day or so, his friend's were calling me and trying to get with me. With girls, I think it's a definite NO NO... it just creates so much animosity and hurt feelings, it's not even worth it.
I honestly think that it is.
Someone recently said to me, "That's the most idiot thing I've ever heard! You're all adults right?" ... Well, IMO, if you ARE all adults, you can keep to finding someone that's not directly in the circle of people you've dated. I mean, honestly, how does it make you feel if someone does it to you?
Also, WHY? If you wanted the best friend, why didn't you GET the best friend first?
The only time that I think that it works is when all parties agree that there's no problem with it.
Fuck that.
You and the bestfriend have more in common. Go with him. The first guy wasn't ready, oh well too bad, he slipped up. Go with the bestfriend, I mean ... the guy you were talking to can't even get that mad..you were never officially together so it's whatever :)
You're probably not gonna end up with his best friend, I can tell you that right now. I've made a post a while ago asking if people have ever ended up with their ex's best friend when they started dating them...very few worked out and most broke up.
I would just find someone outside of the circle.
@tobeyouronlylove@xanga - agreed, completely.
don't do it. it's gonna be a disaster.
if you do it, next thing you know... the guy now wants the relationship (because we're ass hole like that)
love triangle and it can get really ugly
Yes! Just like it's wrong to date your best friend's ex
Having been the ex in this situation, I would say that it depends on how much your potential date values his friendship with your ex. I mean, I was pissed at my ex for dating my best friend, but I was definitely more pissed at her. I don't think it really affected him that much though. It was more of a friend problem than an ex problem. If you two break up and are no longer friends (you and the ex, that is), then technically, you're not morally obligated to treat each other nicely. There's really not much left to lose between the two of you.
I think it's more a question of whether or not the two guys can work it out. I'd definitely tell his friend to talk to him about it first. Just to know where everyone stands. He might be totally cool with it. Or he can do what my friend's friend did and say that they're cool with it, but secretly hate it until it's over >.<
I was in the same situation a few years ago.... Honestly, it shouldn't be a problem. But apparently it is a problem. It's known that you don't go for a friends ex. I lost a really good friend since childhood because I slept with his ex... So, it's something you shouldn't get into...
For me it has landed me in a big mess that I still have not sorted out.
I did that it was all cool - cause after the break up me and him didnt care about each other time to move on