Thursday, 08 April 2010
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Relation.ship (File Format Not Supported)
Think of us all as computers, or phones. What happens when a file you want in your phone is not supported? If the file's format is not supported, you get no file. That file to me is the RELATIONSHIP file.Here's the skinny. It's great to have a boyfriend. All hugs and kisses and I love yous. In other words, it's fulfilling, it's comfortable...dammit it's fun. Unfortunately the novelty wears off and having a companion like that is just a bit BORING, moreover, it's TAXING. It's hard f*cking work.
For me, my relationships follow a pattern. First the initial courting, then the actual asking out that makes us boy and girlfriend. After that is the "high" period of very aggressive coupling; the feelings are strong and it's all butterflies and puppy dogs. Then comes the, "are you guys ACTUALLY still dating" time when I am in essence still with the person but the novelty of the relationship has worn off. No matter how much I like him.
My theory is that I am just not that bothered to make people happy sometimes. I don't want to have the responsibility of keeping people happy, not out of malice or anything really, just the desire to have my own fucking feelings as the main focus. Relationships repel me. I want nothing to do with them. It may be the lazy bitch in me or just the want for perennial singleness but they really don't work.
What do you think? Could you be bothered to be a "taken" person or would you rather not have the responsibility?
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- From: Sandi_V@xanga
- Name: Sandi_V
- About Me: Salutations all, I am Sandi and this is my blog. I am 16 and this is a chronicle of my adolescent life, filled with frills and other things, Welcome. I love to read and write and am forever in a book or under the hypnotic power of my iPod.I am really a big dork, I love nerding out. Music is really big for me. I love certain bands and dammit if you put them down you contend with me! I'm a major metal head, A7X and MCR rock my playlist. I tend to be quiet when I meet new people but have this thing where I talk like non stop when a person and I have something in common I have been called overly mature and I don't deny it. I try better myself in all ways and am painfully inattentive, hopefully no one plays on that... talk to me Hit me up on Twitter yo (sandivengeance)
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Comments (29)
True,true when the sparkle is gone, most of the time so am I, sometimes there needs to be something more exciting in the whole relationship to keep me glued to the person, because after the kiss-your-face-off, and oh-I'm-so-happy-with-you period has gone all there's left is nothing. Someday I hope that there will be love left after that; only when I look around me, I'm pretty much discouraged than amazed by the couples around me...
I don't find being in a committed relationship to be a "bother." Of course the novelty is going to wear off, but then comes the REALLY good stuff. Like, having someone who knows your favorite candy or favorite drink from Starbucks and brings it to you in the exact moment that you need a surge of caffeine. Being known, and knowing someone and having someone is awesome. Being someone's someone and having someone in return is far better than the fleeting butterflies.
if you think the relationship is a chore? It's best to bail...
@phonotactic@xanga - Exactly. Being someone's someone long-term is a great feeling. Just have to be with the right person.
As a computer engineer, I'm a little too perplexed by the nonsensical analogy to leave a serious comment. :(
I feel that way too sometimes. That's why upon my lasr re-entry into the dating game I've decided that since I'm not looking for a SO at the moment, already have a future baby daddy, so I've been dating multiple people. There's less of a reliable on my part to keep them stable. We have our own lives, our own interests, some of which we share and some we don't. For me this is the way to get out of the relationship funk and if I lose interest with one of them it's a lot less drama when you break it off as their life does not revolve around you!
if you're only in a relationship for yourself, you're just not ready for a relationship. when you learn to love others without expecting anything back, you're probably ready for a relationship.
if ur not ready, ur not ready.
as simple as that:)
thats the way you r:)
In my situation, I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the novelty wearing off, but I certainly see the point you're making. I know that I'm just not ready for a relationship. I'm not ready for the commitment and the responsiblity. Its too much drama and requires too much thought. So I'd much rather be by myself than fooling around and hurting people.
I mean, I don't usually think of a relationship as a burden...or a job...like I have to keep someone happy...or something......
It is true a lot of the time....well all the time....the butterflies and glitter will fade.....but I think it can still be interesting and enjoyable...and good...with the right person...a lot of the time ppl aren't dating ppl who are right for them...or they are just dating ppl...I think that's when things fade...and you're not able to take the relationship to a different level...a different form of love....
I think if you're too "lazy" to be in a relationship, then don't. That way, you'll be doing both parties a favor. There's nothing wrong with that... at least your not wasting each others time.
at least you realize that you don't want a relationship
Sounds like you are just immature and selfish. Learning to think of other people before yourself is not suffocating, it's just part of being a decent human being, let alone a good girlfriend or boyfriend.
You are 16- Of course you fucking feel this way.
Some people aren't cut out for long-term relationships until later in their lives. Until then, have fun, and whatever doesn't work for you just doesn't work. I'm glad you take the responsibility of that upon yourself, though.
@soulfuric@lovelyish - lol you're harsh.
Hmm. I don't usually feel anything like that! Of course, I'm 18 and I've only had 3 boyfriends since I was 14. I felt that way about the first relationship, which was for 3 weeks. The second was 1 1/2 years, and the third I'm pretty much still in, almost 2 years later.
After a while I just get attached and I am a very loyal person, even if distance is involved. It sucks sometimes but most of the time I just feel like it's so worth it. Maybe I'm just more of the wife type hahaha.
Maybe you're just not ready for one, which is fine if you're 16. Just go with whatever you want and feel, eventually you'll figure it out and it'll all be fine.
I'm currently having the same problem.
I don't want a relationship that's all about novelty either.
@soulfuric@lovelyish - This is pretty ridiculous. Are you saying she should get into a relationship with someone only to make them happy and not herself? A relationship isn't only about you, but it's not worth it to do it if it's not going to make you happy. That's why you leave a person that cheated on you, even though they still love you. If you weren't thinking about yourself, then you would stay with the other person to make them happy. Of course thinking about others before yourself is important, but you still have to think about yourself.
We could even frame this another way. If you don't feel good about the relationship you're getting into, then what chance is there of it actually going well? And if you're dooming the relationship before it even starts, then isn't that unfair to the other person in the relationship who may have higher expectations for it? So if she's not ready for a relationship, it doesn't make her immature and selfish not to get into one. The real selfish people are the ones that aren't ready for a relationship at all, but get into one because it feels good, regardless of the harsh consequences that come from that situation. This girl is just more self-aware, and realizes a relationship isn't for her. Relationships aren't right for everyone at every point in their life, and the fact that a relationship isn't right for her doesn't make her immature.
I like to make people happy and I like learning about people and myself. As long as you know what you want, it's all good so for future reference, you won't lead anybody on and nobody gets hurt. Well, I hope so at least.
@kawasaki_saiyan@xanga - AGREED TOTALLY
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - She stated that it was too much "responsibility" to consider other people's feelings, and that she desired to have her own feelings as the "main focus" of the relationship. That is an entirely selfish motive. Obviously you should not persist in a relationship you are not happy with, but you cannot expect your SO to cater to your needs while you fail to reciprocate. Relationships are about exchange.
And I agree with you that people are not ready for relationships at certain points in their lives, because they need to grow up and be comfortable with themselves first. That is the definition of immaturity.
Put in work only if it's worth it.
*sigh*
if I ever had to date someone like you... ugh I have enough problems without that kind of person. 
no offense, but you just admitted you quit on relationships once it gets boring