Wednesday, 07 April 2010
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Does Holding Hands Count as Cheating?
Is holding hands with someone who is not your SO considered cheating? Now, I know you may be chuckle and wonder if I just came out of second-grade or something, but hear me out.A few years ago, I met a guy named Paul. We hit it off really well, the chemistry was obvious to everyone around us. But, I was taken, and so was he. Yet, we both knew there was something going on between us, even if we couldn’t act on it.
Fast forward a few years. I visit Paul in Cincinnati and he’s still dating the same girl, Jade. I inquire about her politely, ask how serious they are, etc. He’s clearly in love with her. However, in the course of my brief visit, we end up walking around a park underneath the starry sky and somehow end up holding hands for the rest of the night.
A similar experience happened to me lately. A guy whom I know is very dedicated to his girlfriend nonetheless will occasionally rub my shoulders or pick me up to hug me. One night, we even ended up holding hands for a while. I know he could just be flirty, but I never see him do this to other girl friends of his.
I would never want to be a homewrecker or mistress, and I definitely was not the one to make the first move in either of these cases. But, I do want to know if you would consider this to be cheating. Also, gentlemen, if you have some perspective to offer me on why it is that guys would hold hands with me but profess to liking another girl, I’d appreciate it.
Would you consider holding hands cheating? I know hand-holding can be innocuous and good friends can hold hands with one another (just look at other countries, where that practice is much more common), but how about in this case? If there is clear romantic/sexual chemistry, then is hand-holding really that innocent? It felt very intimate to me…
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Comments (137)
depends on if your significant other is comfortable with it or not.
I don't know if I would consider it cheating, but I would find it suspicious, particularly if there was romantic attraction or chemistry there on top of it. It would bother me, but I don't think it's a big enough action to get the label of "cheating."
If you don't want your dude to hold hands with another chick, then don't do it yourself.
END OF STORY.
well, i give girls hugs all the time.
but back rubs...hm...i dont like it when girls give me back rubs, and i wont give a girl a back rub ( unless shes my gf ) or unless they've had a really rough day, and they a good friend of mine
and yes i would be really bothered if my girlfriend held hands with some other guy. do whatch-yoooo waanntt hahahaha
good luck! nice post =P
@haloed@xanga - YEA!! this has been my logic for awhile. works awesome ^^
@haloed@xanga - yeah, seriously. If this girl even has to question it, she probably knows its wrong in one form or another. It may not technically be "cheating" but it's something that if discovered, would cause a loss of trust, just the same.
@ELIZerson@xanga - well if my boyfriend held the hands of another girl I'd f*$#%ing flip out and knock the bitch out and drag his ass away. You just don't do it to someone who's taken.
@SamBarger@xanga - yeah... I don't think hugs are a problem. I hug my guy friends all the time. Back rubs are different... I only give/receive those from my girls and my boyfriend :)
@haloed@xanga - Ooooh I agree haha I'd prob do the same thing. I just think people are trying to justify it by saying it's not technically cheating but I know it'd cause the same problems as "technical cheating"
I think it depends on the circumstances and the meaning behind it. I've held hands walking around with my close girlfriends, however, there is the fact we are the same gender which makes people automatically assume it's not romantic, so we've never really had any issues with any of our boyfriends being upset with it XP. In theory, I see nothing wrong with it, nor as it being cheating, As Long As, there is no real romantic meaning behind it--you'd have to ask the guys whether it was, in your case.
Personally though, I would Avoid doing it, because it Can be taken the wrong way, and it seems you don't wanna upset anyone. If I found out my boyfriend was walking around holding hands with some other girl, I would be thrown off ((until he explained it))--but then, he's not the kind of person to randomly hold hands with a close friend, he tends to reserve that just to romantic relationships. Maybe the guys who held hands with you are more inclined to show that kind of affection to close friends. You really would have to ask them XD
Either way, hope I helped, Good Luck :)
@haloed@xanga - I very much concur.
Basically my version is: Don't do something that you wouldn't want your SO to do to you
Take care!
I personally wouldn't be okay with it. And if any girl was disrespectful enough to do that with my boyfriend I would not want her around anymore. Because honestly, regardless of who acted first, what you did was disrespectful to the girlfriends.
I suppose as long as the hand-holding isn't the way you'd hold hands with a SO...it isn't cheating. I've held hands jokingly with people, as friends, but there aren't any romantic feelings behind it.
@haloed@xanga - Exactly! Really, cheating is different for everyone - my rule of thumb: if you wouldn't do it in front of your SO, DON'T. If it'd make you uncomfortable if your SO did it, DON'T. Then, you shouldn't have any problems.
I've held hands with female friends, but rarely male friends while taken. Now, the only reason I'll hold a guy friend's hand is the fact that I have trouble walking, so often need someone to steady me. But trust me, that's farrr from romantic, lol.
To me, if I saw a man and a woman holding hands, I and I'm sure many others would assume that they are an item. Holding hands to me is a very initimate gesture and one I would not do if the other person was not my SO.
I would understand if he greeted you with a hug or kiss on the cheek if he just saw you but if you're walking around holding hands all night, there must be more than just a friendship because I don't hold hands with any of my guy friends and I don't think they would care to hold my hand either. What's wrong with just walking side by side and enjoying each other's company?
I depends what is in your head and your heart when you're holding hands. But regardless of this, how would you feel if you saw your SO holding hands wit another?
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@radicalsounds@xanga - same here, lol, and usually I only get a "hug" when I'm falling down drunk. Not often though :D
Um, I'd be pretty angry if my boyfriend held hands with another girl. I think holding hands is a sign of intimacy, but if your boyfriend is comfortable with it ...
Think about this: you have an SO you care deeply for. You see him (in my case, it's a him, but it works either way) holding hands with some bitch. You feel disgusted, no?
Because that's how I would look at it.
If you wouldn't want your SO doing it or you wouldn't do it in front of your SO, you shouldn't be doing it period.
Considering our own culture, it is considered an intimate thing (i.e. a guy and girl holding hands are assumed to be an item, not friends).
I wouldn't call it 'cheating' but it's still not RIGHT. :/ I'd be upset if my boyfriend held hands with other girls. That's something I'd want to do between the both of us, only.
yes, and seems like you do too from what you are saying hahaha.
Talk about it with your SO
But in my opinion, if hand holding is done in a suggestive manner, ie one that makes it seem you're a couple is borderline.
it's not cheating, but it's shady. if it feels wrong, it probably is.
If this post was worth writing about, then it has to feel wrong somehow, at least on a subconsciously level.