Tuesday, 06 April 2010
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Can You Love Someone Who You're Better Off Without?
I was thinking about my ex the other day who was my first love. I know I was in love with him, we were crazy about each other and best friends. We don’t talk much anymore, let alone be friends, period. We broke up about four months ago and we’ve both moved on.
But I was just wondering, is it possible to have loved/been in love with someone you’re better off without? Does that make any sense? My life is less stressful now and I feel like I have so much more freedom without jealousy of a boyfriend in the way. But then again, isn’t the person you’re in love with supposed to make life better for you?
It just sounds like an oxymoron to me. But it makes sense from experience, you know? So my question is, does it make sense to have honest love for someone that you realize you’re better off without?
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Comments (59)
Yes, completely and totally possible.
But, in my case anyways, the relationship and the falling in love happened when we were better off together, if that makes sense. I fell in love with a super sweet boy, and just because we didn't work out and we're probably better off alone, it wasn't always like that. I just had already fallen in love by the time we realized we were better off apart, and you can't just shut off love like a switch. Unfortunately.yeah for sure that makes sense. You can love someone that you are better off without. However you tend to fall out of love with that person so I guess it works out.
Love usually doesn't make sense. But in my opinion, as long as it doesn't shatter you at the end, it's better to love and experience that relationship, than it would have been to never have entered it at all.
I think if your better off with out them u may have loved them just not it love but i have no idea im in the same boat as you are and cant figure out why i am happier then i have been in years so you figure any more out let me know
@Shy___Away@xanga - I agree with a lot that you said. Sometimes though, when a relationship ends and you were in love, you can feel shattered, and eventually get yourself through it, and wind up a much stronger and happier person in the end. That's what happened to me :)
Sorry for the awful run-on sentence. lol
Same thing goes for me actually. I fell in love with my boyfriend in my first serious relationship, but the entire time, I knew that I would be better off without him. However, just because your life is better without them doesn't necessarily mean that you didn't love them. Even now, just thinking about it, I know that my love for him was real and I don't even know if I can love anyone else the same way ever again. Love is simply a feeling that cannot be controlled. It's like saying a girl falls in love with a complete asshole, and is always crying over him. Obviously she's better off without him, but if she's so affected by him to the point where she cries excessively and gets depressed over him, then she probably loves him too.
When my fourth boyfriend and I broke up after about 2.5 years together, I was happier than I had been in a long time because all the stress of our relationship melted away. I don't think it negated any feelings I had had for him and I don't think it negates the fact that I still feel a brotherly kind of love for him, but the two of us are definitely better off not being together.
yes.
Yes, I do, even though I am WAY better off without him. I still love and miss him though, but it's the past, and I have to move forward.
Yes and that's very sad.
Its very much possible and in lots of cases, continues when it would have been better to have parted ways. However, relationships are not easy either, you cant expect a relationship to make life easier for you, it has to be a joint effort - you shouldnt expect someone else to make life better for you.
For those that say "yes", I say to get over it.
People who seriously believe that heroin-shooting, un-shaved, college-drop out is your "soul mate", you seriously need help.
it is always possible to fall in love with someone you're better off without that's why it's called dating. You date for a bit then figure out its not working then move on. Marriage is when you find the one....supposedly.
"sad thing is you can love someone and still be wrong for them" -elivs presley.
I sometimes think that you tend to love someone that you're better off without even more. It just seems like a tendency of human nature; to pine for/go after something we can't or shouldn't have.
YES! ABSOLUTELY!
I love my ex dearly, and to some extent no matter how small I probably always will, but my life is so much better without his lying, cheating and playing around.
YOu can be better off without someone that you truly love. And it probably hurts so much because you love(d) them. However, at the point when you realize you are better off without them you have to take care of yourself first. You are your ONLY advocate in life. Others may lookout for you but in the end of the day YOU have YOU so you have to make sure there is a healthy you left. :) Good luck .I'm trying to get over my crazy ex who was bad for me. the other thing is we tend to remember only the good things or the person we "thought" he/she was.
Wow, story of my life right there. Seriously is... x__X" Except, well, we aren't on speaking terms AT ALL, for the time being. Haha. But anyway. The way I see it..
You loved the person you fell in love with. Not who they've become. So yeah, you can still love them though you are better off without them. Because you love that part of them that just isn't there anymore...? Heh. That might be just me though.I think it is entirely possible to love someone even though you might be better off without them. For example, I love my most recent ex. I have a feeling that I always will, too, despite all of the things he put me through. But I know that I am much better off without him because of that. When you love someone, you always, always will.
I'm sorta encountering this right now. There's a dude I know will break my heart but we been messing around and no way am I going to stop soon. He's perfect for me. He thinks I'm hot even though I know for sure I'm not really. Don't get me wrong. I don't have low self esteem or anything. lol And this isn't about me so here's my comment:
Yes, You can love someone who's no good for you. I'm glad you've moved on and hope you find someone better than the last one.
yes. you can easily love a lot of things about a person, but disregard the negative qualities that make it eventually a certainty that you can't stay with them, for your own peace of mind (or sanity, or self-respect, or whatever..).
Sometimes you love someone that you shouldn't really be with. I was in love with my ex who really wasn't good for me. We had a good relationship but it took me a while to realise that there were underlying things that weren't too good. He was controlling, but the relationship was also too intense. My life was so much more complicated when he and I were together. I think that love sometimes becomes too much to bare, and sometimes it takes over, and the people that you are end up being forgotten. I have so much time for myself now.
Yes it does. I was also in a relationship full of jealously, and once I broke it off I felt my freedom. I still loved him (not enought for me to get back with him), but I was way better off without him in my life.
I don't know if it's exactly the person who we fall in love with all the time. Sometimes, we love what they do for us and how that person makes us feel. We get caught up in the ebb and flow of the relationship, but that doesn't mean it's the best situation for us. I've loved a person a few times where it was worse for us to be together than apart. It just happens. You can't shut out a connection. All you can do is appreciate the fact that you can love someone and you enjoyed your time together. Then you move on. You grow as a person. You start finding a person who you can love and who provides a healthy relationship for you.
I recently went through the same thing, in just about the same time period. I was with her for a year, head over heels for this girl, we had some communication problems, but who doesn't and then she drops the bomb on me that she, more or less, wants the ability to cheat. It was unexpected, I was going to propose to her this year - I was willing to work on the relationship, wanted to but she didn't.
Guess that doesn't really answer your question, just had to vent it!