Sunday, 04 April 2010
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The Bloom of a New Relationship: When is it Too Much?
When two people begin dating, of course they want to spend as much as possible with each other and if they're not with each other, then they're using technology to stay in touch. My roommate would nag at me when I would spend all my time texting the guy I was "talking" to, always calling me out for being rude and not being completely "there." Now, it appears that it might have been jealousy or some thing along those lines.My dear roommate has recently started dating this guy who was our mutual friend for a few months. They began talking more often and progressively started texting and hanging out quite often. By this time, I had cut down with the excessive texting by a lot, while her's grew. Of course I never called her out on it because I understand how it is when you're dating someone. However, it's gone way beyond excessive texting. It's excessive EVERYTHING.
They spend every free second with each other. He's over here all the time. Every time I turn around, he's here. I would say the only time he goes home is to shower, but he doesn't even do that anymore. I see him ten times more than I see the guy I'm dating.
I just find it ironic how she pestered me so much and now she's a lot worse than me. Today, she told me she was jealous of one of his close girl friends, who is also a friend of ours. Once I told her that she shouldn't even worry because he focuses all his time and attention on her, she said it still wasn't enough.
I understand the implications that are required in a new relationship, but, at a certain point, you have to wonder when does it become too much? I know I'm not the best with being in a fully-committed relationship and I may not understand why so many couples find it necessary to spend every second of everyday with each other, so this is why I turn to the Datingish community. Do you agree that there is a limit to how much time you spend in a new relationship or do you think "love," for lack of a better term, has no bounds?
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About the Author
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- From: perfectlyimperfect
- Name: perfectlyimperfect
- About Me: I blog anonymously about my love life and my perspectives on romance so that I have a comfortable place to express everything I'm feeling. Sometimes I blog about things that I can't talk to my friends about and other times there are things I feel that people should generally consider when dealing with matters of romance. I've recently been submitting my blogs to datingish and it's nice to see other people's perspectives. Keep them coming ;]
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Comments (30)
Gross. I only see my guy about once a week. Sure, I'd love to spend a bit more time with him but I think an important part of being in a relationship is actually being away from them, and not even constantly texting them. It's a level of maturity someone needs. You can be attached, but for God's sake do not throw your independance out the window.
I couldn't see someone 24/7. I'm not even sure I could see someone every single day right now. I would probably get really annoying, self-conscious about being annoying, then bitchy. And I fully, 100% realize this.
But things like this obviously depend on the people in question. If both parties are cool with constantly being around each other, then go for it.
I dont think there's a limit but spending every waking moment with each other makes the thrill die down faster & leaves nothing to look forward to. It's like eating a box of gourmet chocolates. IF you eat them all in one sitting, you'll be sick. It's best to savor them over time.
They're going to get bored of each other quickly, don't worry. I feel like when a relationship is developing, it's more important to wow the girl. So, perhaps once a week take her out somewhere cool. Then let the week go until she gets bored and lonely again. Then wow her again. If he wows her too much from the beginning, then he'll run out of ideas too quickly, and become boring.
Moderation is key.
it's unhealthy to see someone that often. they're going to get tired of each other, and it'll probably get messy.
Let her learn on her own. She'll get what's coming.
I live like 30 seconds from my guy and I hardly ever see him.When we first started hanging out for the first two weeks, we would see each other four times a week, but then realized it was not a good idea.We didn't even to have to say anything to each other, we just knew, so we now only hang out once or twice a week which I'm fine with because when we were hanging out that much, I felt our chemistry started to fade.
Save seeing someone everyday for when you're married.
i love that part, in the beginning. i'd never tell anyone to give it up, since i wouldn't want to either.
I think there's a limit. Your friend sounds a little needy. Eventually their gonna get sick of each other. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Too much distance lets the hearts drift away and not enough distance makes you just plain sick of each other. They should enjoy their own lives so they can have something to talk about when they do get together.
it’s not good to have a relationship where you constantly base
your actions on what the other person needs with the thought you will be
together forever, that is what marriage is for. I'm not saying be
inconsiderate, there is a big difference between being inconsiderate and
independent. I’m saying keep your wits and goals about you, It’s
actually a key to a good relationship.
It's too much when the girl starts complaining when I go back to my place after I've cum (okay, maybe I'm joking a bit); it's too much when we start arguing over which side of the bed each of us is sleeping on (I have ALWAYS slep on the right side); it's too much when I don't see my friends alone any more; and it's too much when people stop inviting you to things on your own. I dread the day when every invite I get is addressed to me and another.
Check out my dating disasters:
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Your friend is just a needy person. She pestered you, simply b/c she wanted your attention, and placed that needy nature under the guise of you spending too much time with your S.O. Indirectly, she was saying, "You don't spend enough time with ME; I'm jealous of HIM."
Eh, I guess that works for some people.
My boyfriend and I live together, but we're apart when we're at work, school, or with friends. That's enough for me.
I only get to spend time with my SO every two or three months now. When my SO and I were close by, we still had our alone time regardless.
Anywho, my theory purposes that the longevity of a relationship is inversely proportional to the amount of time spent together...so if i'm correct, your friend's relationship won't last very long if her and her new boyfriend spend every waking minute with each other. I could be wrong because there always other factors to it.
Time apart is just as important as time together. However, if you plan on maybe marrying that person one day, you do have to be willing to see and interact with them everyday...for the rest of your life.
i probably see my boyfriend, everyday but now we just seem to be fighting a lot and im the one starting all the fights, maybe it is because we spend too much time together?
I think it's dumb when people say that an important part of the relationship is being apart from the other. That has nothing to do with being in a relationship! Being apart is good for yourself, not for the relationship. Don't confuse the two.
That being said, in this particular case, it sounds like it's going to fizzle quick, but I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with being together 24/7. There's something wrong with being insecure about the relationship, but being together because you genuinely enjoy each others' company can never go wrong.
My boyfriend and I spent all of our time together at first... like... it JUST started dying down after about six months (and spring break where we were together for 10 days straight, 24/7). I really liked it, and I know he liked it, but it sets you up for some high expectations later, and I do worry that he's gotten bored. My bf and I got into a semi-argument last week because I said he wasn't calling me as much or inviting me over as much, and he got upset because he said that just because he didn't call me all the time doesn't mean he doesn't love me. Of course the only reason it bothered me is because at FIRST we spent ALL of our time together... If we only ever saw each other a few times a week to begin with, I wouldn't have thought anything of it...
Depends on the individual. While I love spending time with my gf, I love being alone too. So too much time with one another starts to get annoying. I need my time to just sit in a room by myself and be happy hehe.
There's an extreme to everything. Spending every waking moment with a person is unhealthy.
I have a friend who, once she started dating her boyfriend, spent 24/7 with him. I literally mean 24/7. Now he's in marine boot camp. She's been going crazy without him. All she does is sit at home writing on Facebook how much she misses him, or gives links to marine videos she finds on YouTube. When she does go out when it's not school, she's with her boyfriend's friends AND family. They haven't even been dating a year.
I'm happy for them, but when you make your whole life a person, what's going happen to you when the person leaves? Things can get ugly with the person. Enjoy love, but be careful and know when it becomes obsessive.
Every couple has a different amount of attention they like to spend with each other. It mainly depends on the two in the couple. For me, I like to spend time with SO whenever I can (when we are actually within the same area because we're in an LDR) whereas a close friend of mine gets annoyed when her boyfriend calls her more than once a week. People often make the comment "Funny how when someone gets a new bf/gf that no one else around them exist." But certainly, they would go around and do that when they are in the situation. It is true that you need to find a balance, but for each their own.
I'm pretty sure what she wants is someone to pay attention to her and dedicate all their care and time to her.
She's confusing love with absolute devotion, and there is a difference. In order to love someone, you have to love yourself too, and that includes having some time alone to yourself.What are you people talking about? What happens when you get married? Hello...you pretty spend everyday with that person!
I don't understand people who need lots of time away from their SO. My boyfriend and I were long distance for the first half of our relationship so we only got to see eachother about once a week, for a limited amount of time. The week waiting for eachother would be torture, so we learned how to cherish every moment together and never take a minute for granted like so many couples (who hang 24/7) do. We were both very serious about our relationship being long-term or permanent, and he moved to my town so that we're no longer long distance. He left his apartment in the city, left his job for a new one, and started a new life in this town just to be with me.
Ever since he moved here, the longest we've been apart is two days, and that's rare. Neither of us are sick of eachother, and genuinely enjoy eachother's company whenever we're not working. We both work, but whenever our schedules allow, we're together. We go to the gym together, errands, everything! I think it just works so well for us because of the fact that we know how long distance was, and appreciate the fact that we are able to spend so much time together now. I don't believe it's a problem when both people enjoy the togetherness, and when the person you're with brings out the best in you.
Then again, we plan to be engaged and married within the next year, so seeing eachother pretty much everyday seems realistic and wonderful to us. It's what you have to be okay with when you commit to another person for life. If you can only be with your SO once in a while without becoming annoyed or sick of them, then perhaps marriage might not be a good fit for that couple. I can't wait to continue to see him everyday, with the added bonus of falling asleep with him, and waking up to him every morning.
I think if you love them enough, then you would want to spend more time with your SO, and it wouldn't get boring or tiring. Even doing nothing but cuddling would be the funnest thing. I realized this from personal experience. When I had my first serious relationship, I was so in love with him for two years and I never got sick of seeing him. In my current relationship, I find that I get easily annoyed of seeing my boyfriend (who I don't love) and it has only been 6 1/2 months since we first started dating.
If people get sick of seeing their SO so easily, how do they expect to get married and see them everyday for the rest of their life?
My relationship advanced so quickly that it would appear as if we constantly have to be around each other. We only started dating last year around the end of October, and I stayed the night at his place quite often. When the time came for my lease to be renewed, we simply discussed my moving in, which I officially have now. It is not your typical relationship, then again we're not typical people. We get along very well, still have social lives (even away from each other sometimes), and we allow each other personal space when necessary. I guess others can take it to another extreme, but our circumstances just fell together perfectly, and we're still not sick of each other.