Saturday, 03 April 2010
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The Cheater
I have always wondered what causes someone to cheat? If they do not like the one they are with why don't they just break things off, and find someone knew? What is the point of cheating?
Recently I was with one of my guy friends hanging out and the answer to this question hit me, quite startlingly. Of course It would not have if I was not (emotionally at least) involved with a guy. What I realized as I sat there with this friend, was something that made the whole thing make sense.
Sometimes we need different things, and when the one we are with isn't giving it to us we need to look else where to find it. We still need what our SO is giving us so we do not let go of them, but we still find what we are looking for.
Now do not get me wrong I am not in anyway saying cheating is ok. It is not. I am just saying for the first time in my life I realized what may cause some people to cheat, or think about it.
What do you think?
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About the Author
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- From: Snowwhitewithoutthedwarfs@xanga
- Name: Jen
- About Me: Well, I like to write, I do it randomly and sporadically through out most days. I wont post all that I write. I am 18, as you can see by my birthday.I am currently in a very complicated relationship with a boy I love, whom distance separates me from.So from time to time you'll see posts about weekends in heaven (those are with him :]). I play guitar and I used to play piano recently ive been trying to pick that back up. I am in college studying psychology. I want to work with inner city under privilege adolescents either as a social worker or in an after school setting, maybe both :) anyway enough about me ♥
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Comments (44)
i think its just about temptation. i mean we all like having one, and naturally most people just want more.
I think you've hit on one rationale people have probably used, and still do.
I don't agree with the comment right before me about "naturally most people just want more," that's not thought out at all and doesn't speak from experience.
well, i could give a multitude of reasons why people cheat, but i'll just give 3.
1) they don't have the intention to cheat, but are tempted by another man/woman into cheating.
2) they might feel "pushed" to cheat. maybe their partner is jealous, controlling, or just not interesting.
3) they've grown up around it. they watched their loved ones do it. they were maybe told cheating was wrong or "knew" it was wrong, but never really comprehended why.
i don't think any of these reasons are good reasons, however. i don't condone cheating by any means.
@xpialadocious@xanga - I believe people do actually want more. Whether in relationships, sex, finance, materials, or just about any other department in life. If we were always satisfied with what we have, we wouldn't want to strive for more. Its human to think about things. Maybe you have your 1% that is always happy with what they have at all times. and honestly God bless them. Concerning cheating; we don't give in any temptation because of well... the reason you're with that person in the first place.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - took the words right out of my mouth!
i think thats something very selfish....
i wouldnt ever do that to anyone. i mean like, thats so....wrong and it ruins like EVERYTHING.....
if someone cheats because they are "bored" or they aren't "getting enough"...isnt that just a reallystupid selfish thing to do ? i mean like ouch!
idk.......my brother...his wife cheated on him.....and it made him so sad......
i was never so angry in my life......
Although I do not condone cheating at all, I do see people's reasons for it. In most cases, it's to fill a void created by the existing relationship. Most of the time in filling that void, the cheater doesn't want to end the relationship out of guilt or fear of destroying a family.
Still. Cheating's a lame way to avoid facing your problems.open relationships
thats all i have to say
damn the temptations...
@melllisa@xanga - "It's human to think about things," yes, I agree with that. But I think it's more complicated than want-more or be-satisfied. I know that in my relationships, I've been satisfied sometimes with some stuff, but not other times with other stuff, and that those times and stuffs change. I used to be really unsatisfied with the amount of cash I was making at a certain job, but I had to ride out that dissatisfaction for months before I could really change it. And then on top of that, there's a ton of things that we deal with every day that don't work in terms of satisfaction or wanting more, like do I "want more" or am I "satisfied" with my cat?
Basically I was being a pain in the butt about her language choice, but my major point is that reality's complicated.
Hah! Look how totally off-topic this is.
@kyohei_molester_no290877@xanga - open relationships can still have cheating.
Its quite selfish isnt it?! Too bad you gotta make someone feel dumb and heartbroken in the process............geeeeeze
I think you're right.
@xpialadocious@xanga - but its less likely
just openness in general with your partner too is important.
and you need to know when to move on
but sexual infatuation, that can be fixed love cannot
you're very right, that's certainly a reason someone might cheat.
i've cheated a number of times, so i'm going to list reasons.
- the one mentioned in the post. not all of your needs are being met, but enough are to not want to give up what you've got.
- in love with someone else, but are unable to date them. gotta stay with the second best to make yourself feel better about not being able to have first choice, but first choice will still have sex with you.
- simple temptation.
- revenge.
- relationship is going downhill, so why not just end it with a bang.
- indecision and being confused about what you want, or who you want.
no matter what the reason, you obviously have to be selfish to cheat.
@soyeahthatswhathappened@xanga - That is true too. i agree with you.
I do not condone cheating either. I just suddenly understood why someone might. I still find it to be inexcusable. Just I feel that sometimes people do rationally think it out and make logical decisions about them. The problem with that is it does not agree with the emotional side. And makes bad relationships.
@supaflychikn@xanga - I think, though, if you confront your SO with the problem (not enough sex, not enough emotional support) and they don't do anything about it, it's sorta this catch-22, you don't wanna do it but they don't wanna be there for you either. You're selfish because they are...
Some people are just selfish. Most of us can handle our temptations but some just want everything.
I'm so sorry but you spelled "new" in the wrong context.
Anyhoo, its not something that should end a relationship (if its not consistent) but its still wrong because what ever the reason it doesnt justify the action.
Sometimes people don't really intend on cheating but it just happens. It's not that they don't feel guilty for cheating - they do. A lot. For example, my friend's ex boyfriend was really mean to her and never paid attention to her, so my friend was always crying over it. Some guy came along and was always there for her and comforted her. One thing led to another, and bang. She cheated on her boyfriend because feelings developed after receiving so much care from her guy friend. Things just happen sometimes because feelings can't be controlled.
under no circumstance would i ever cheat on my significant other. even if she hurts me. sure it'll be tempting, but if you stay sober and you tell yourself, you will not do it numerous times, then chances are you will not do it. now the question is if someone drugged you and tried to frame you for cheating, is that cheating?
but yeah, i think communication is very important, if you don't let your significant other know what's bugging you, then how is your significant other going to fix them? and after you've communicated your concerns, and your significant other isn't trying, then maybe it's better to let your significant other go. you shouldn't be greedy and expect to get everything you want. nor should a relationship be one-sided. both partners should benefit from the relationship, if not, why be in one?
I really don't care what "reasoning" people give for cheating. It's just mental gymnastics cheaters do to make the situation look better. Some of them actually believe they have a legitimate reason and it truly is OK, that's the sad part. Here's the reality, if you cheat, you are in the wrong. Be a decent human being and tell your SO. Shitty relationship? Easy, break up and leave the person if they make you miserable. I don't care how you look at it, it's a very slime bag thing to do and as far as I'm concerned, you are a terrible person if you cheat on someone. Self control, will power, it's not that complicated. Shit happens, I get it. But at least redeem yourself and man up to the fact that you made a mistake and tell your SO what happened. If they're smart, they'll leave your sorry ass and I can't say that you don't deserve it.
Bottom line: If one person isn't giving you everything you need, that is a reason to break up in itself. You need to be with someone who can/does give you everything you need.
@tips@hardestlevel - I love your answer ! :)