Saturday, 03 April 2010
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The Meaning of "It's Complicated"
"It's complicated." What's it mean to you?
For me it has always been pretty basic in relationships. It's always been one of the following: dating, friends with benefits, single, married, fuck buddies.
But this new term? It has me wondering, what exactly is so complicated?
Do your parents/friends disapprove? Are you going through a hard time? A separation? Do you have new/unusual feelings? do you regret beginning this relationship? Is one of you scared of commitment?
What's your opinion?
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- From: brookeefehr@xanga
- About Me: My name is Brooke and I am going somewhere in life. My future is promising and I have some amazing people that I care for, including family, friends and others. I am quick to learn and have a high confidence level. I can smile without faking and have things to live for. Ultimately, I am content with who I am. Knowing this, I don't let others comments effects me. If they need to insult me to make themselves feel better, I really couldn't care less.
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Comments (40)
the only time i ever hear of someone's relationship being "complicated" is on facebook.
usually when i do hear of it, it means that they're still calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend, they're just having some issues (or "taking a break"...ugh).
Haha, Not Another Teen Movie.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - I noticed that too, awesome.
I've only ever seen It's Complicated on facebook too. I think that it can either mean that a relationship is having problems, or that a relationship is just starting and they're still not really sure what it means.
So here's my brief definition of relationship statuses
Single: you're free to mix and mingle, no strings attached to anyone since you're not really seeing somebody
Open Relationship: both people agree to be 'more than friends' (ie, friends with benefits, etc.) and that is what both people really want
Relationship: more exclusive than open relationship as both people agree that there's more than a physical attraction...both people make the effort and pursue a physical/emotional/mental/friendship relationship
Its Complicated: this is when "relationship" meets "open relationship". In other words...one person wants the serious factor while the other wants the non-exclusiveness that an open relationship offers. Thus the "its complicated" because both people want something different at the time. Its also where you basically beat around the bush with someone and don't admit what's going on...these often can turn into full-blown relationships or bomb worse than Hayden Christiansen did for Star Wars. The most important part about turning an "its complicated" into a relationship or open relationship is communication.
Which is what is dooming my "its complicated" because my girl WONT COMMUNICATE.
@brianbsquared@xanga - someone should set those in stone as relationship guidelines to live by.
so is a cuddle buddeh a 'friend with a benefit'?
Well, my relationship is complicated at the moment.
We've been dating for 3 years, but for the past six months, it's been nothing but chaos. We have totally different schedules and only see each other on the weekends, but we spend half of the weekend arguing and threatening to leave each other. It used to be an awesome relationship, and well, neither of us know what happened. We can't tell whether this should be the end, or if it's just a big rough patch... The thing is, he keeps talking about engagement, and I'm not ready for that... I know I love him, but sometimes I just have my doubts. We're both 19; we're in college, we're not ready to settle down. But we can't come to a freaking conclusion about our relationship, what we should do, if we should take a break or what. So, it's complicated. '
Mine could qualify as it's complicated but I won't post anything on facebook unless it's an actual relationship. I don't even have my status visible for now, so it doesn't say I am single either.
It's complicated because right now it is strictly long distance. I haven't seen him since before we started being interested in each other, and I don't want it to even seem official till I can see him again.
"It's complicated" means you are an idiot and you are wasting time which you could spend actually bettering yourself.
In our case, complicated means a poly married couple with significant others.
Some of my friends have used it. It usually means that they're in a tangle with their lover, a big dilemma, and they probably don't know where to start.
I figured it means there's something going on that is keeping you from jumping into a new relationship. Maybe you're on a break with boyfriend 1, and you don't want to be in a relationship in the meantime... personal choices.
It could mean you're going through a divorce and just don't want to go into the details.
For me, I say "it's complicated" when I don't want to discuss things further about my private life.
its complicated is when a relationship isn't a boyfriend/girlfriend thing but there is exclusivity. but like they're open to date other people just not to do the do with one one else... i guess... that's what i've always interpreted that to mean...
Your relationship is formally dysfunctional or you are attracting attention to it.
It's simple, isn't it?
He's your boyfriend.
He's not your boyfriend.
You are in a relationship.
You are not in a relationship.
The only real complicated thing I can think of would be a common wealth marriage. You've stayed together for so long that your state assumes that you are too poor and ties you together to try to help you or because they're prudes and you are married, dammit. That will probably happen to me as an older, older adult because we'll have to share a space.
I hate the idea of marriage and dating in general. It's status, and it's against me. We are humans and one happens to be male, the other female, so things happen because things happen when two come together for any length of time in the same area. I'm not going to chain that to me, and he's not chaining me to that.
So when they ask, are you married? The answer is "yes" - and against my will; it's complicated - for a brief period of time before the divorce papers go through.
"it's complicated" is a silly relationship term made up by facebook and used by lame high schoolers
your together but havent had the talk... or friends with benefits.
neither here nor there.
@Manstration@xanga - That's what it means when I use the term for myself! It's like a polite way of saying "we are two dumbshits who don't want to be together but are too sick to be apart"
or "He's blown me off but for some reason, I keep chasing him"
Personally for me, it's complicated means I like him and he likes me and he just doesn't want to commit whereas I'm ready to be exclusive.
it basically means that you and that person your cozying up with are just wasting time and need to move on or make some kind of a commitment.
@Manstration@xanga -
This comment fails to account for some of the incredible challenges that individuals throughout society are facing more and more, as the pace of daily living accelerates, and the transient nature of a society becomes more prevalent.
We are living in a time when people are moving from one place to another because of job relocation, promotions, or lack of employment opportunities in a particular location. This fluid society creates its own turmoil in the personal lives of everyone involved, i.e.,families removed from their extended family network of cousins, aunts, uncles, and Grandparents. Additionally, single people who have their relationships stressed by long distance attempts to keep romance alive.
So when someone defines their personal life as complicated, it may not be a weakeness or indecisiveness , but rather just an honest admission that the dynamics of their current circumstances defy an accurate or specific explanation.
"When in doubt, do nothing" Ancient proverbial wisdom.
In time, the decision you make may be a better one, when it is made with more time to see how matters evolve in . Life can sometimes be very complicated , and hasty decisions can end with regrettable consequences.
Sincerely,
Michael
@brianbsquared@xanga - how insightful indeed
@Manstration@xanga - thank you :)
I like to use the term when im too lazy to actually think about things and make a decision
so basically never
its just an escape route
To me, "it's complicated" would be issues going on with the relationship that make it extremely close to breaking up. Like with my second to last ex, I never heard from him for a few days because he wanted me to pull the initiative of calling him, which I never did because I was too spoiled by making him always call me. So when I finally did call him to see what was going on, he got pissed off with me.. blah blah blah. Then he said he had to think things over and he'd call me back. At that point I changed my FB status to "it's complicated", and the next day he called and I had to put "single".
But with my current sitch, it could mean differently. I'm dating a guy now who wants to basically keep our relationship "hushed", so to speak, from our parents for some valid reasons I won't get into. And after talking with him, we agreed we were "unofficially" going out until the time we can tell our parents, to then we'd be "official". So to clear it up on FB, I went from "single" to "it's complicated", and my friends were all happy for me and a few "liked" the relationship status change because they understood we were together and it's complicated in a good way.