Saturday, 03 April 2010
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I Won't Say I'm In Love, At Least Not Out Loud
"I love you."
For some reason, the first time you say these words to a given person is the most terrifying moment of your life. What if the other person doesn't say it back? What if the other person doesn't even feel the same way? What if the other person may never feel the same way? That fear of rejection is crippling. My ex-boyfriend and I waited four months into our three and a half year relationship to say those dreaded words. I still remember how I whispered them, half-hoping he wouldn't hear me in case he didn't say them back. My heart pounded and my face flushed. It was absolutely terrifying. The truth was, I had loved him from day one, but I couldn't possibly tell him that.
There are so many "rules" about dating and so many things that you aren't supposed to you. You aren't supposed to fall too fast and you aren't supposed to say those three words too soon.
But why not? Sure, sometimes people say those words too often and they don't really mean them. Yes, the word "love" has lost it's meaning in certain circumstances. However, if you really truly mean it, why not say it? One of my favorite scenes from the movie "Good Will Hunting" is when Robin Williams' character says how he missed out on a World Series baseball game to get to know this woman, who he ended up marrying. He never regretted. What if you miss your chance to say those three words and you always regret not getting to when you had the chance?
Maybe I'm a hypocrite. I'm in love with a boy now but I'm terrified to tell him because we aren't even technically dating. Now I've written him a letter, telling him exactly how I feel, but chances are, I won't even send it. But why not? Isn't there a huge possibility of regretting it later? If I send it now, I'll at least know whether or not he cares, and I'll at least know that I didn't keep it inside.
What do you think? Do you think that saying "I love you" is absolutely terrifying? Or do you think that those words should be easy to say if you really mean it?
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- From: materialactress@xanga
- About Me: I'm just a tacky college student. I'm studying HDFS in order to be a relationships counselor, although my relationships could always use a little work. I'm obsessed wtih Star Wars and koala bears, and I'm very tall but, no, I do not play basketball or volleyball.
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Comments (51)
Rules of Love: DON'T BE SCURRED OF IT! ha
It's a loaded word... I loved all my ex-boyfriends, but waited till they were comfortable before stating it. Mostly because I enjoy the cute-shy muster up of finding those exact words... but I love everybody. Sometimes I think people think if you say "I love you" it means you have to marry and have babies a month later or something.
Truth is truth... and anything less than I love you is lying... I've heard ;p from a dork face. WHO IS SO DAMN SEXY!!! it's currently killing my girlie parts.
it's terrifying. I think you know when to say those words to the right person.
Yes, agreed. Wish I didn't. :/
The rules of love is there are no rules :]
You seem to have a lot of what if's, and it's not worth it. Just say it, let the cookie fall where it may and if he rejects you over it then it clearly wasn't meant to be.
it is quite terrifying. but for me its because i wanna say it a lot, but my body wont let me unless i truly mean it. which is kinda nice. i dont end up "being in love" rapidly
HAHAHA way to rip off the song lyrics from the Disney's Hercules soundtrack
Haha. I'm not even gonna say anything here,
don't be afraidin o da love of life
cute girls saying that a loaded word that early on shows huge amounts of trust. so i prefer the words spoken as early as possible.
go as far as you can, as fast as you can. and let the passion, emotion, and feeling do the speaking.
just saying... some are turned off by the safe road...
It can be really scary. I remember my boyfriend and I were sitting in my car next to a park and he was playing with my hand and he said it. It's such a rush of so many different feelings. When he said it, we hadn't even started officially dating. I think we had been talking for two months, but it was long distance and he came to visit me for one week. I don't think there's a specific time someone should have to wait until they say it, but society makes it so there is. People have to be careful though because they mix up the rush of the honeymoon stage with love sometimes. Some people can separate those things, but I don't think a lot of people can.
I waited for ....a little more than a month to say it to him, but I was in love with him wayyy before we said it to each other..i didn't think it was horrifying, I think we were both trying really hard to hold it in. letting it out actually felt relieving, like we can FINALLY say it to each other now :D
You'll never know until you try! It's better to have tried and faced rejection then always wonder what if. I'm in a similar situation with a letter I've written. It's not to confess my love but to tell a friend how much things have changed and how I'm unsure of our friendship now. Once I said it though I'm admitting to letting go and I don't really think I'm ready for that. Good luck with everything though!
It is terrifying.
I always refused to be the first person to say it...I'd wait for the other person to.
The only time I ever said it first was once...
& it didn't go well.
Never again.
Love is so tough. But it's a very special thing. It really shouldn't matter who says it first, because you would know by that point if they really cared for you and treated you more than as a friend;
As long as you're sincere, you should say it. It shouldn't even matter at all if he feels the same. Because life is short, and he might pass away before ever hearing you out.
@herecomesthemoon@xanga - i thought of that song, as well.
thanks to this post, it's been stuck in my head all day.
no chance, no way,
i won't say it, no, no
you swoon, you sigh
why deny it? uh-oh
it's too cliche,
i won't say i'm in love
I made it very easy. When I felt like I was falling in love with my girlfriend, I told her that I thought I was falling in love with her. And, when I was sure I was, in fact, in love with her, I told her I loved. She returned the favor both times without more than ten seconds hesitation. :D
its not terrifying if you know and trust the reason why you love him/her.
@MattFreakinNix@xanga - I do the same thing actually, although one girlfriend went pyscho on me for telling her I was "falling in love with her," she told me, "why not just tell me you're in love with me, its the same thing, you're just hesitating whats inevitable, pussy." I kid you not. I should have known better but the heart wants what the heart wants and for some awful reason I inevitably fell in love with her still. But I probably will still do it too - just to be upfront, honest, truthful, yadda yadda yadda...lol
I refuse to say it.
As I've gotten older, I've become more hesitant in saying it at all. My ex was the first to say it in my last relationship. That particular relationship was a long distance one. We were friends for a few years before we started dating. He said it right after we had sex. I probably should have taken it as a red flag. (That relationship was rocky.)
But I have to say that relationship was/is my favorite because I'm still learning about relationships, sex and myself after the relationship is even over.
As far as saying it to a significant other, I would just suggest someone say it when they're ready to and to really mean it.
It took my Guy 2 years to say He loved Me Because he and I were Just Friends back in 2008 and we were just geting reunited after not seeing eachother for 10 years and Finally we are dateing in 2010 and January 31 2010 was the first time He actually said He Loved Me and Feb 15 2010 He asked me out.
@herecomesthemoon@xanga - Haha datingish changed the title on me!
Everyone knows there’s only one ‘right time’ to first utter the words 'I love you' - directly after your partner says them. Otherwise you risk the humiliation of him/her quickly changing the subject. And, as we all know, love is first and foremost about avoiding humiliation.
Check out my dating disasters:
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
i refuse to say it until he says it first so i don't feel like a fool. love is a scary thing when you don't know what the other person is feeling.
I felt the same way about the person I'm currently with. Perhaps I didn't love him from day one, as I don't believe in love at first site, but I wouldn't tell him when I found my feeling at the "I love you" stage in a relationship...He said something first not too long after I started to feel that way, so it worked out..but I would never say I love you first in a relationship, getting rejected would be emotionally crippling.