Monday, 29 March 2010
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Changing for Someone Who's Already Taken...?
Whats up with people who try to change themselves so that they look good in the eyes of someone else? I understand when it’s the little things to make someone like you but its irritating when it’s a big change just so that you can be liked. This girl I knew wasn’t like this when I first met her. We were friends before she became close to my boyfriend and I stopped bothering with her.
I've been suspecting her of liking my boyfriend for several reasons. She took all my boyfriend’s music and completely changed her style from Rap and RnB to Rock and Hard core Metal. Then out of the blue she took interest in film, computer programs, editing videos and pictures. My boyfriend told me she sent him a greeting card email specially put together by her with her voice and everything for his birthday and Valentine’s Day.It wasn’t even those pre-made greeting cards, she took the time to actually put it together and by the way those things take time to do. She’s always bragging about learning all these programs now and how she needs “advanced help” from him. She’s like, “aren’t you proud of me?”
My boyfriend keeps her head up in the clouds by saying “wow, I'm proud of you. Look at you!” He doesn’t see that she’s fake and is doing thing like that to get his attention.
Do you know someone in your life like this? Am I just overreacting?
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Comments (25)
er, i feel like id be concerned about your boyfriend not drawing the line here. thats a bit odd.
I think that it's natural for a person's interests to change to reflect the interests of someone they like. For instance, I first started reading certain web comics, watching certain shows, and listening to certain music (among other things) because of romantic interests. That said, in my case I knew I had similar taste to the people I liked..
There's a point when someone is doing something only because of the person they like, however, and continue doing it despite the fact that they realize it's not really "their thing." Taking interest in something new because of someone is one thing, and can be incredibly beneficial... but forcing yourself to like something you don't care about does nothing but show that you're enough "in like" to want to be similar to the person.
What the girl in the proposed scenario is doing does seem odd, particularly the personalized cards she sent to him. And it does seem very likely she likes him, because the sheer amount of his hobbies she's taken up goes beyond what would happen in what most would consider a platonic friendship. I recommend that you talk to your boyfriend about it. If he's "oblivious" to what she's doing, chances are he definitely prefers you and doesn't return her interest (he is *your* boyfriend, after all), and then he can maybe have potentially helpful conversations with her.
just because there is a goal keeper doesnt mean you cant score goals
I think you should watch out...
sounds like you need to get your friend a boyfriend of her own... she seems to have an unhealthy need for attention from your boyfriend. YOUR boyfriend, not hers. Sounds like you just may need to step it up a bit and tell her to tone it down.
@softaswater@xanga - AGREED. i'd be VERY concerned with the fact that he wasn't doing anything.
what a snake in the grass
woo..and thats why you dont leave your girl friends around your bf no matter how good of a friend they are. aha but no you're totally not overreacting. it would be weird if you ignored all of this.
@softaswater@xanga - yeahh... you might be missing the big picture of things.
Perhaps your boyfriend is flattered that she's taken an interest in the things he's into, even if he doesn't reciprocate her feelings.
It's human nature to feel that imitation is the highest form of flattery. Well, for most people, anyway. Some just find it annoying.
I'd be pissed off if I were in your shoes, though. She's out of line. If I were you, I'd tell her to back off. She'd know EXACTLY what you're talking about, so let her play dumb if she wants. You should set her straight, imo.
no, your not overreacting. shes a homewrecker and you need to get her out of your life as soon as possible.
I knew a girl like this once. I was really concerned and my boyfriend (ex) didn't even notice. He probably did, but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. But only the only thing was that she wasn't really intrested in him, she was just jealous of our relationship and done pretty much everything to break us apart. I was best friends with this girl and so was my boyfriend. And it was pretty odd of her doing that when she had her own relationship with a best friends of ours.
Eventually, we broke up. Not because of this, but for other reasons. Friends like that are so fake. That girl is not your friend at all.
if she's truly interested in those things (doubtful, but possible), then there's not much you can do but tell your boyfriend that her behavior (and his) makes you uncomfortable. If you really think she's faking it, I still wouldn't advise telling him that, it kinda sounds irrational, even though we know it's true.
Girl code: Thou shalt not attempt to steal your besties' boyfriend. *You* need to dump her.
Mmm, my ex-best friend was like that. Then, my boyfriend cheated on me with her. Be careful, especially with the card thing. If you've ever played the game Portal, this girl took an interest in it because my boyfriend liked it, and constructed him a Companion Cube, filling it with little aluminum hearts.
My boyfriend had a friend similar to yours, they were close and called themselves "twins" and "best friends" and yadda yadda. She liked everything he liked down to his favorite hot sauce. It always seemed suspicious how they had so much in common, I've always had a feeling she liked him more than a friend, but kept my mouth shut in fear of seeming paranoid. Eventually as time passed she started being more obvious about it and when those Myspace bulletin surveys (this was a little more than 3 years ago btw) were popular, whenever the questions asked "describe your perfect/ideal boyfriend" or whatnot it really felt like she was describing MY boyfriend...she'd describe his characteristics and physical features and it matched up so obviously to me. Of course, my boyfriend was oblivious to the whole thing. He truly believed she was just being friendly and all the things they had in common--which was almost everything--was pure coincidence. They remained close friends and whenever I would bring her up he'd dismiss it saying she was "harmless" or that I was being silly. Her existence put a few months of our relationship in complete hell and we would get into arguments about it, he told me it felt as if I was trying to come between him and his friends and that I was forcing him to choose. I didn't have pure, factual evidence of her 'obsession' with my boyfriend since everything she wrote was slightly indirect. Eventually I DID find evidence and it was sickening, deluded entries on how she "longed to be with him" and "will wait patiently for the future and to have a chance to be with him". I showed it to my boyfriend and he freaked out in disbelief. Confronted her, and kept his distance since. Now they are "hi/bye" friends, he told her they were no longer capable of being as close as they were before and it has been that way for 2 years now. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 3 years now and without that leeching paranoia, things have been better than they were from the beginning.
All in all, I don't think you are overreacting, you should calmly tell your boyfriend about it before it gets out of hand. Some guys are genuinely oblivious when it comes to these situations -__- It's a mystery what goes on in the minds of girls like that.
boys are so oblivious...we know how women works
ha, sounds very annoying. i can totally see this happening.
She's your friend because?
tell the bitch to back off. seriously.
she's invading your space.
That's your boyfriend: You need to make him aware if he's being naive about it.
Tell her to back off, in a nice way, and if that doesn't work then get a little rude. Some people never get the point unless you get that way.
Good luck with it, can't say I've ever dealt with this but I can see how it could've happened with my boyfriend when we first started going out - he had so many girls all over him.
Seriously tell her to back off...I know how it can be because I was just like her at one time. I really liked my best friend and he liked me but as seeing how there was a little bit of an age difference (he was 18 and I was 16) he didn't want to have an official relationship with me. We just stayed best friends, but I liked him so much I changed my music taste fron pop and top 40 to punk and metal and I started dressing less preppy and more with the black clothes and high boots; I even began laughing at all of his jokes even if they weren't funny and listining intently to everything he would talk about and pretend to be highly interested even if it was about something I had no real interest in at all. Then he got a g/f but hat didn't stop me from the way I was acting even around her. He tried to tell her that we were just best friends and nothing more and that I had no romantic feelings for him even though he knew I did. When she brought it up to me I told her I had no romantic feelings for him even though she could clearly see through me. It made things resally awkward foir them for a while, but he let me keep doing what I was doing even though we both knew he had a g/f and it was goinbg to go no where...So I say just tell your friend to back off...I'm glad I eventually did (even though it took a while) and now we have a good friendship and nothing more.
this happenedj with one of my friends and then she kissed my boyfriend.
Guys just can not see behind a girl's actions like a girl can.
Guys are simple creatures and girls are way more complex and manipulative.
It's unfortunate I think like this but I am female and I do believe the female race is way nastier...not all girls...but you know, there are always the more complicated ones.
she sounds like a bitch. watch out...
My cousin is sort of like that, but she does it to everyone. She's basically personality-less. Her thoughts, opinions, manner of speech, lingo, etc, all change according to who she's with. As far as I know, she doesn't have her own opinions, only copies other people (and we know this because she's done it countless times, sometimes even throwing out our own opinions to us word for word) It gets pretty annoying, really.
Maybe your friend is just like that, except more extreme?
I do tend to end up liking guys who already have girlfriends, actually. I like being able to see how they act in a relationship before I consider being in a relationship with them.
That said, I would never do anything like that. I wouldn't change myself for anyone, not a single guy, not a taken guy, no one. I've learned the hard way that some guys won't like you no matter how much you try to change yourself to force him to like you. If you feel like the guy wouldn't like you if you acted like your true self, he's an asshole and you should leave immediately.
So even though I have a fondness for taken men, I would never be that girl. Yes, they exist, and the girl you described probably is one. I'm just saying that I myself could never be one.