Monday, 29 March 2010
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Stepford Couples: What Are They Hiding?
I know a couple who seems happily in love in every which way. They always go on romantic dates, supposedly their sex life is amazing, they spend holidays with each other's families, etc. On top of that I have never heard of them getting into an argument over anything serious. Just when I want to enter them into a competition for America's sweetest couple, the girl nonchalantly tells me that they both go through each other's phones all the time, perhaps looking for what could be a scandalous text message or picture to or from someone else.
They don't do it secretly either. They'll hang out at one of their houses and blatantly pick up each other's phones and check them. They believe this keeps them accountable and "builds their trust." Personally I think this is a sign that there is absolutely no trust within their relationship whatsoever, but hey.
First of all, anyone could easily delete a text message. But um...regardless...does this sound screwed up to anyone else?? Do you know a couple who seems so cookie-cutter perfect on the outside, but in reality is far from it?
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Comments (28)
I'm personally not into the whole invasion of privacy thing...but if it works for them, whatever.
Checking someone's phone is pretty odd. Doing it with the other person's permission is just as odd. However, you have no idea if there's a trust issue. Like you said, it's what you think, not what you know. There might be some truth to it, I mean, if they really are as perfect as you say, I'm sure they'd like to get a heads up if things were about to go sour.
Nobody is perfect, but checking each others phone isn't a gigantic pus-filled boil on the forehead of a relationship. Would you rather they be hiding something else like abuse or alcoholism?
People put too much emphasis on what's "perfect" and not what "works".
I haven't known couples like that in a very long time. If it works for them, then it's their relationship not mine.
Phone messages and logs are very personal and giving someone permission to browse your life seems legit to me. Much more open and trustworthy than going through someone's phone behind they back, no?
In an open and honest relationship, you should have nothing to hide.
Did she say that the reason they go through each others' phones is to look for "scandalous text message or picture to or from someone else"? Or are you assuming that?
I don't think it means anything by itself. It could be a sign of a problem, or it could be completely innocent. Sounds a bit like you're projecting, to be honest.
@just_the_average_jane@xanga - i was wondering that, too.
they give each other permission to do it, and it seems to work for them. they seem perfectly fine in other aspects so i don't see a problem at all.
if you have nothing to hide, it shouldn't be a problem. i say i think it's weird, but if a future boyfriend wanted to look through my phone, i'd probably be offended at first that he thought i might be cheating, but end up letting him because i'd know there's absolutely nothing there. so, whatever works for them.
funny comments, such unexpected outcome Lol.....
i mean, me and my boyfriend arent this perfect couple. but ill still go through his phone. hes right there, its not like he doesnt notice. its not like im searching for proof that hes doing anything. its just like oh hey sup with david you hadnt talked to him in a while. whats wrong with curiosity. as long as its not behind each-other's backs i dont get the problem?
Well, since the couple both agree on it, it doesn't seem strange to me at all. You can see it like a "pop quiz" type of thing, if you have nothing to hide, then it wouldn't matter if you check each other's phone. I would say doing it out in the open is more honest than doing it secretly. They aren't insecure, they just have a different way of proving their trustworthiness. Of course, I doubt they do that to other people like their friends, it's just between them two. Plus, I don't think any couple is perfect. Every couple has their quirks and methods that keep them together. Just because a couple acts differently, doesn't mean they have problems. I would say, whatever works for them is their business. If you have a different outlook on your relationship, then you can do things your way too. After all, everyone is different and unique in their own way.
They probably have just as many problems as anyone else, they're just better at hiding it. I would never go through my boyfriend's phone/computer/anything. There's just no reason to. But we're not the most normal couple either so....
lol my BF actually told me, he said, i'll let you go through my phone anytime, check my email, give you my facebook password, you don't even have to ask me ...
we hadn't been having any problems lol, he just offered! i'd feel wierd taking him up on it, i'll never do it. him offering was kinda cool, however.
my boyfriend and i do this. obviously, it's a pretty flawed method, seeing as i've gotten away with way too much shit with help of the delete button. of course, no one would ever call us a perfect couple either, but i don't feel like looking at each other's phones is all that screwed up. what's wrong with having no trust? haha.
I think it's kinda hard to decide on this one.
Like, sometimes I even do that to my friends, just pick up their phone and look through it because I'm bored.
But at the same time, if my boyfriend started constantly picking up my phone and going through it, trying to find something like that, it'd be a problem.
I think checking phones for inappropriate texts is so annoying.
Um have they explicitly stated that they spend time "looking for suspicious texts"? I don't think you can assume that at all. My ex used to just randomly pick up my phone and go through texts just out of curiosity to see what kinds of things I talk to people about. He didn't think he'd find anything inappropriate at all.
what she (@imTHEmeowMIXcat@xanga) said...
I think you're reading too much into it. I agree with @just_the_average_jane@xanga, unless she said they specifically check for scandalous texts [which seems odd], if they're just toying with each other's phones, then it's fine. Me and my fiance are on each other's phones all the time. He loves my Tetris, and he has the bow-shooting game on his iPhone...
But I think if they're so open about everything, then that's the opposite of a problem. Now if one of them spazzed and freaked out if the other one even looked at their phone [that was with one of my exes], then it's fine. And just because a couple seems perfect doesn't mean anything. Me and my fiance are seemingly perfect; we're very affectionate in public, we never fight, we never really look bad, but that's because whenever we do have a problem, we handle it privately. Maybe that's why they seem so Stepfordish.
I'm friends with a couple who regularly go through each other's phone, but I don't think its because their looking for "a scandalous text message or picture to or from someone else."
And their perfectly happy together. :S I don't really see anything wrong with it, so long as their both okay with it.
i think going thru someone's phone is not trusting that person at all. i've actually never had any friends who's relationship was cookie cutter at all and if i did see that, it would give me the impression that there's more trouble there than anything at all.
Maybe its immoral to check other's privacy. However, its reasonable for the couple who agreed to do it .
my fiance and I will randomly go through each other's phones and neither of us care. We don't have anything to hide, we're bored-nothing is going on with our phone so why not check and see if anything more interesting is going on on his? And maybe it's just me (but I doubt it since I know a bunch of other girls who do the same things) but I randomly get groundless attacks of jealousy and suspicions (a.k.a. pms) and I just need that security of looking through his phone a blatant reminder that I can trust him implicitly. It always makes me breathe a sigh of relief, my hormone and mind may be a swirling mess of possiblities, but then I look through his phone and all of his texts are about the ncaa or football or to me and it just reminds me that he would never hurt me and that I can trust him. maybe you think this is awful, but I think it is reassuring. Of course trust is important, but a reminder every now and then to keep it strong certainly doesn't hurt.
I get a lot of comments that make me realize other people look at us as the perfect relationship, and we definitely aren't. But the phone thing certainly has never been an issue for us. We have nothing to hide.
nick and julie.we actually called them nulie cause they were always together(btw this was before the media started combining star couples name bennifer brangelina etc. ...I think) they were always kissing and snuggling and interacting..it was kinda sickening. they always said how great they were 4 eachother and nick would say how he would never want another girl and julie would say how she was gonna marry him and blazay blazay. i knew it couldnt be all that great. it turns out nick was a cheater.boom.not perfect. nulie just wouldnt admit it.i remember one night we went to a wine bar and nick started intensely asking me about my boyfriend and why i was with a loser like him and i could do so much better he even gave me his phone to breakup with him. i think that was a joke but still u get it. it was uncomfortable tho julie was jus staring at me with a plastic smiles and wide eyes.later as nick got more drunk we were playing pool and he kept coming right up behind me and putting his body against mine to see where i was shooting.it got so bad my bro had to check him.anyways that is how he was and eventually he dumped julie.she would not dump him.even tho he got more and more blatent. i feel bad for girls like that. but keep ur man from me especially if he drunk and im drunk.u kno.she shoulda stepped in.she just sat there.
and o yea i go to my bf phone and he goes thru mines...for a few different reasons. we dont find anything.i really dont think it matters if u hav nothing to hide u shouldnt be offended.and dont always assume they lookin for scandalous shit.maybe they nned a number or maybe they are writing i love u on ur banner. anyways heres a tip. erase! erase! as soon as the other man or woman texts. dont leave that shit in there. save there number as a second number for a close friend that u talk to alot.
people who have nothing to hide...hide nothing!
My husband and I keep a master list of each others passwords for email, facebook, all of our online billing, bank accounts, and credit cards. We have a great relationship, it keeps us both accountable for our actions. Its not that we dont trust each other or even check each others things regularly its just nice to know that we could if we wanted to. We have never had any trust issues and we both feel that its fine to check each others stuff because neither of us would have anything we wound not want the other person to see.
Rarely do we check each others facebooks, but we always keep both our email addresses up in the browser window anyway, that way we can notify each other of any important emails that come through. And all out $$ accounts are joint so we both should have access to them
Everyone has secrets. No couple nor individual is perfect...everyone's hiding something.