My eyes have been perpetually glued to the NCAA tournament and my overall productivity has gone way down. The only time I've been doing work has been between commercials. Usually I just sorta tune out and start typing away, but this one commercial has repeatedly caught my eye. I'm talking about the recent Miller Lite commercial.
Basically, a couple is out enjoying a picnic in a park on a nice sunny day. The guy is going on about why he loves his Miller Lite, and after listening to his rant, the girl asks him the big question, "So why do you love me?" He just looks at her blankly, starts to um and aahh, and gives a lame answer like, "I love all your teeth."
I crack up every time I see the commercial, but it really made me wonder... So of course, I put my SO to the test. Thankfully, he did pretty well. ;)
But how many times have you been in a relationship where your SO didn't know how to answer that question? What do you do then? Would you think that he/she didn't love you, or just that they didn't know how to vocalize their feelings?
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Comments (39)
I had an ex boyfriend like that-I dumped his sorry butt a few months after the lame answer.
Then I got married to a wonderful man that always tells me why he loves me. :)
I think it's cruel and pointless to ask. If someone loves you, he loves you. There's no reason to ask him why unless you enjoy the squirming.
I think it's only natural to ask what someone loves about you. It shows how much they pay attention to little things & what they know about you.
However the ones who ask repeatedly or get upset if the answer isnt what they wanted (unless it was materialistic of course) are insecure in the relationship & need constant reassurance. Like girls who would be mad if a guy said they loved the way they look without make up & get angry thinking that means they look bad with it on or get mad when the guy doesnt compliment their body.
i think my boyfriend said something along the lines of "because you're a cutie!" because he hates serious conversations. when pressed for a more in depth answer he gives better reasons though. he's just not great with talking about his feelings. we've been dating for 3 years though, so i trust that he has good reasons for loving me.
my last ex on the other had was really good about telling me why he loved me. told me when we had been dating for only a couple weeks. always said nice things about me and how perfect i was for him etc. etc. a few months later he dumped me out of no where to go back to his psycho ex.
sometimes the guys who are better with flattering words are actually the ones you want to avoid.
Some people aren't good with words, men and women alike. Would you really get upset or dump someone just because their syntax wasn't up to par? Seems a little silly.
Of course, there should be some sort of attempt. If a person just says "I don't know, I just do" then maybe you could push for some further explanation. Though I will tell you this, most people do know why, but the ability to accurately put it words isn't there. There's also the possibility that it isn't in their nature to be openly descriptive about emotions.
My current SO likes me a lot and vice versa. I'm somewhat of a wordsmith, smooth talker, silver tounged fellow when it comes to this stuff. My girlfriend really isn't all that great at verbalizing it, it's just not in her nature. She'd prefer to just kiss me.
I ask my fiance that question sometimes. He has a hard time finding the words for his feelings and often gets tangled up when he's talking. It's hard for him to vocalize that kind of thing sometimes.
I know he loves me and that he has these kinds of issues. I can tell in other things that he does that his feelings are real. I'm not going to fault him for not being the best with words.
You shouldn't have to break down and rationalise love in this way. It smacks of insecurity.
Check out my dating disasters:
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
retreat! retreat! retreat! it's an ambush! lol
i'm no scientist. if i love someone, then i love someone. just like how i don't know why i have a crush on someone. i just feel that way. if i feel sparks, i feel sparks. scientist waste time trying to figure out why, i, on the other hand, prefer to show it.
plus i've never actually use the phrases "i love you" "wo ai ni" "aishiteru" "je t'aime" etc. the best i've used is variation of the word love, for example, lub dub, heart, etc. time will tell when i find someone i can use "i love you" etc.
I think it depends on the person, but even for me, it's sometimes difficult to express such an amazing feel as love with words.
I think both
Does the reason actually matter?
Sometimes, it's hard for people to vocalize their feelings, but they can do it in writing. Sometimes, it's easy as reciting the alphabet. Whatever it may be, if your gf/bf loves you, you would feel it when you're around each other, by the things they do for you or with you, by their body language, so sometimes, you know even without them saying it out loud.
they could be bad with words, don't care enough to look inside and actually determine whether or not they actually love you, or they love you for the sake of love, out of habit, because you love them.
i'm conflicted on this one. my bf cannot explain his feelings well at all. it's really hard to distinguish whether it's because he doesn't know how to put them into words, or he REALLY doesn't know. he acts like it's the toughest question of life and says something spontaneous as a joke.. but then again, if actions speak louder than words, then three years together should be reason enough.
at the same time, i think it's important to find someone who would be serious about these things. it's part of communication. if you can't even describe the love that your relationship is based on, it gets tricky with everything else.The "Why do you love me?" question... I got asked that question by a very sensitive guy. I answered with "Why do you even need to ask?"
@soulfuric@lovelyish - I agree. I've been asked (by others, not him) why I like my boyfriend. I do because I do. Because we fit. Not because of anything he does, necessarily. The problem with this question is that when a girl asks her boyfriend this question, she already has some sort of idea of what she'd want him to say. And typically, it's not going to live up to that.
I once asked my boyfriend why he loved me and he got mad. Then he asked me the same thing and I totally quoted The Ugly Truth and said, "Beats the shit out of me".. and then he just got mad again. :/
Any guy with half a brain can concoct a reason why they love a girl. Seriously, if they can't tell you why they love you, leave them.
I believe actions speak louder than words; and that actions should be enough because not many people are good explaining how they feel, like myself. I get all tangled up..but if i show him how much i love him..then it should be enough.
and why would you ask a silly question like that?
I don't think I'd ask seriously. Besides he tells me all the time about traits he loves and physical features he finds cute/sexy/whatever.
my bf usually lists the things that he loves about me. or he'll say it right when i do something he loves.
@shillykins@xanga - Cop out hehe.
I never ask that question because really I don't care. I went on about a few other people before and reasons why they're viable and nice and what makes them cool. Then of course my gf at the time asked "So why do you love me?". I just said I dunno. I knew why I loved her, but stuck in that situation anything you say feels lame, or cliche or stupid, so I just clamp up and say uh...dunno. Which in turn definitely leads to people thinking that you don't care about them...oh well.
I agree with some comments above. If he loves you, he LOVES you. He doesn't need to justify WHY he loves you. However, I think it depends on the person he is. If he's good with his words, he'll give you an answer you'll want to hear. If he's not really a words type of person, well all you're gonna get is something not so great. : P
This all goes back to love language. If you are words of affirmation hearing why you are loved really matters. If you are any other love language it just doesn't matter, because for you actions speak louder than words, for others though words are what really makes them feel loved. I definitely like to hear the "whys" but my fiance is pretty much incapable we have had a lot of "discussions" about it, but basically I am just learning that I am the one who is going to have to accept that he is never going to voluntarily tell me. But I definitely still love him a bunch and I would never break up with him over something like that. As much as I want it, I guess I am just going to have to live without it.
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - agreed.