Sunday, 28 March 2010
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Questions From a Future Bride
So next week I am going wedding dress shopping. I still have a year until the wedding though. I don't know what to take with me. I know I will be nervous and forget to mention what I like and don't like. I'm not sure what style would look best on me, and I don't want to waste time trying on dresses that don't look good. I am also nervous that the consultant is going to be rude.
Yes I know, it's a dumb thing to worry about. But I know that many don't approve of me getting married when I'm 19, let alone still in college. I know other peoples' opinion on my choices don't matter, but it's hard when we live in a world where everyone feels the need to throw in their two cents. My fiance and I are still sticking to what we want and not letting others sway our decisions.
So I guess I have two questions:
Have you ever been discriminated on for your age when you were getting married?
and
What would you take with you for your first time dress shopping?
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About the Author
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- From: lisajenelle@xanga
- Name: lisajenelle
- About Me: I'm 20. Got married April 30, 2011. Love photography, outdoors, and free time. Going to school for Human Social Services Corrections and Criminal Justice. Just trying to enjoy life.
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Comments (29)
I would say to take an open mind. I have no clue. Maybe look back at your old prom/formal dresses which ones did you like? What did you like about them structure wise?
just avoid this dress http://www.uglydresses.com/helkitweddre.html and you'll be ok.
i wish i could get married to my girlfriend whilst still in college but my parents said that they wouldn't pay for it anymore if i got married. i'm jealous!
Besides picking the one you like, make sure you have enough money to get alterations done. Seems basic but some people forget, or think they will still fit in the dress a year later.
I do think you are really young, but I don't believe that you are necessarily to young to get married. I just hope you are ready and prepared for married life! ... Take pictures of what you think you like from magazines or whatever with you, an idea of the style or theme that you want, an open mind, more than 1 bra (at least 1 strapless), a tube top. any undergarments or accessories (shoes, jewlery, etc.)that you plan on wearing the day of your wedding (if you have them, or have an idea of). If you plan on an updo, bring a scrunchie. A camera so that you can take pictures if they'll allow you. At least 2 other people for oppinions. ... Have fun!!!!
I agree with @angelicgrl4eva05@xanga's list--it's perfect! The only other suggestion I would make is to remember alterations as part of your budget--expect to shell out some money for those and make them give you an estimate. Also, it is really easy to make a beautiful veil--don't be pressured into buying one if you're willing to spend a couple of hours making one just as gorgeous as the ones in the store. Good luck!
Hey! I'm also 19 and getting married in five months. Sofar my family has been very supportive, even if they were hesitant at first. I think the only opinions that matter are your family and those friends you consider family. Also, you have to ask yourself the question...will I be any more ready to get married five years from now? For me the answer was no....It would still be as scary/exciting/great/nerve-racking as it will be in five months. So If you think he's the one and you two have seriously thought about this....then do it!
i'm sure the consultant has seen all sorts of brides. young brides, old brides, brides marrying the man they've known for two weeks. i'm sure he/she won't be rude because of your age.
i'll second pretty much everything from above.
and add: don't feel pressured to buy that day. go into it with the idea that you're going to shop around. if you get a rude consultant, file a complaint. and leave that store. it's not worth it to have your happy memories attached to a grumpy, judgmental bitch--and you'll stick it to her, in case she was going to make a commission from you
most of all, be aware that it can be a looong day. keep your chin up if you don't find much that you like. keep your wits about you if you find that you love everything you see. just have fun, be comfy, and know that, in the end, nothing actually matters more that day than marrying the man you love.
The wedding dress doesn't really matter as much as the person you're marrying. Worry more about that than the wedding dress because wedding dresses only last a day whereas a husband should last forever. Damn divorce rates >.< Good luck :)
Well I am twenty one and getting married in two months but I got engaged a year and a half ago when I was nineteen. While my family has been very supportive I have gotten a lot of negativity from people who don't know me very well. Co-workers, etc. My advice to deal with the discrimination--while it really hurts, just remember a lot of it comes from personal bad experience that they are projecting onto your life, but you aren't them! And while divorce rates for young marrieds are really high--just know that if you are sure of this, don't look at the 67% of people that marry young and divorce later, look at the 33% and know that is going to be you. If there was a 33% chance you would die if you went to the grocery store tonight would you go? No, because that is pretty good odds, relatively speaking.
And as for the dress, I definitely had rude consultants, but they weren't rude because I was young they were just rude in general. My advice, take your mom so they have someone to respect and know they better treat you right, and if they are rude, leave the store. There are gorgeous dress selections everywhere and nice shop assistants elsewhere, you are shopping for a wedding dress--their job is to treat you like a princess no matter how old you are or what their opinion is. If they don't, someone else with a better dress and more helpful attitude will.
What to bring--the corset, strapless bra, what have you that you want to wear under the dress! And stay open minded because I definitely was wrong about what styles flattered me until I actually tried on some dresses.
Strapless bra, no thong underwear, and an open mind. If the consultant is rude, leave. Otherwise, tell the consultant that you have no idea what you want and are open to suggestions. Let them pull a few and narrow it down from there. Don't get nervous, though. Remember--they're there to serve you and get the commission from your sale. They should be bending over backwards to find you a dress you love. (Jeeze, don't I sound like a bridezilla??)
Oh, and only bring one or two people. Too many people means too many opinions and it can be overwhelming when you love a dress and some of the people you're with don't.
Mostly, go into it with the idea of having fun. None of the consultants will discriminate against you because of your age. They want to sell you a dress, not guilt you out of marriage. That would be counterproductive for them.
-Katie
@Jane - just know that if you are sure of this, don't look at the 67% of people that marry young and divorce later, look at the 33% and know that is going to be you
Thats some very good advice thank you.
I got married 1 month before I turned 19 and I didn't really hear a lot of the negativity! I'm sure people said it behind my back though... A lot of people assumed I was pregnant (I was not and still am not - we've been married 2 years in September) and it was just something I said no to and laughed off. It really did bother me deep down, but in the end it didn't matter. When you know you know, there's not point in waiting just so it'll please everyone else... Sure the statistics say that young marriages fail often times, but not all! If you live your life based on the statistics and what other people say you're almost destined to fail because you've already set it that way in your mind.
As for what I took to my first wedding dress appointment, I brought pictures of the dresses I liked and handed them to the consultant. She was nice and grabbed them for me. I was also allowed to browse the floor and pick out anything that caught my eye. I ended up buying the second dress (out of maybe 10) I tried on that I had picked out online.
I got married at 21 and even though its nearly 2 years later, I still get crap from people about marrying so young. Like not just people I know but also complete strangers. Its terrible and I always want to slap the person who says stupid comments. My husband and I are still in college and its gonna be a couple years till we are both done and to be honest, marrying while in college and at such a young age was never a problem for us. We didnt care but everyone else did. We had our reasons, one being that he was deploying (he left 9 days after we got married) and couldnt bear going through war not married. Literally we had that talk, the whole "I might not come back and I just dont want to live the rest of my life not married to you." Sweet, storybook stuff. Anyway, follow your own heart cause no one is going to agree with you and your fiancee, believe me. But also try to stay optimistic!
I was a bridal consultant for a year (ironically the year I went through that deployment) and at least look at pictures of bridal gowns. Print out pictures of things you like and could possibly see yourself in. Print of pictures of things you really like, even if you dont know what will suit you best. Wear a strapless bra (if you dont own one, one will be provided) and not skimpy little undies haha. Keep an open mind with the consultant and if she's being rude and not listening to you, ask for another one. Consultants tend to be pushy and impatient and where I worked, were always getting negative comments from brides.
GOOD LUCK!!
I'm sorry I can't really answer your specific questions, but any consultant at a dress shop who treats the customer poorly loses the customer. If he or she is rude to you, go to a different dress shop. The joy of a wedding is a special event (and hopefully a once-in-a-lifetime experience) for any bride, and nobody has any right to take the fun of it away from you.
As far as what I would take with me, I'd take select friends and relatives I knew had taste in clothing.
I got married when I was 24 which is not as young as you are, but still around that age. No one treated me differently, everyone just wondered when we were going to have kids [still don't]. That's the annoying part about getting married. Everyone wonders when you're gonna start procreating. Blech.
I took my future mother-in-law [MIL]. My mom was being an ass and didn't want me to get married so she quit talking to me thinking it would affect my decision. It was a very pleasant experience, though. The consultant was awesome, and the FIRST dress I tried on was THE ONE. It was awesome. I wasn't in there over an hour. Haha. AND I walked away with a free Tiara [which I wore...but never thought I would...]. :)
I would say take someone you trust, and trust your gut. Take all the undergarments you plan on wearing [including a strapless bra and corset if you're planning on wearing one] Have fun with it.
I got married at 22, we had full approval from family & friends because we had been together for 7 yrs by the time we got married (8.5 yrs now). and, we bought a house together in 06 which is when we got engaged but, it took us a long time to save up and organize the wedding.
unfortunatly, i have no advice for you about dress shopping because i bought my dress on ebay. brand new with the tags on it. it was gorgeous and i still to date have not seen another dress i would have rather worn. it was pretty crazy, the chance of it, now looking back at it.
how long have you been together? 19 is really young. but, we bought our house at 20 so i see where your coming from, just don't understand the rush for marriage unless you've been together forever like us.
Maybe make a list of styles you like in order have a reference. You can look online and through magazines at dresses to see what's out there. If you still have absolutely no clue, the consultants should be happy to help you. Let them know a little about your style, your personality, what you wan your wedding to be like, and they should be able to develop a sense of what will work for you and help you choose the perfect dress.
Check out the show Say Yes to the Dress on TLC. It's all about brides choosing their dresses, that may give you some inspiration and let you see what the bridal shopping experience is like.
Someone mentioned a strapless bra and modest underwear - that's a very good idea as well.
Congratulations on your wedding btw :)
Bring pictures of what you like ahead of time so you don't forget. Circle parts of the dresses that you like.
Just have the kind of look u want in mind. I wudnt want consultants for my wedding dress, i would pick what I LIKE. Take your mum or a friend whose choice you trust. Take a check list of all the things you've always wanted for your wedding day.Double check all the things you have on that lost bc marriage is something that does happen everyday and you dont want to miss out on anything on that special day of your life.
I went with my sister dress shopping, make sure to call the dress shop ahead, and let them know its your first time trying on dresses, also DONT feel pressured to buy a dress..... My sister brought me and one of her friends, though he friend was NO help and quite frankly rude the woman who helped us was completely stupid and should have been fired. I know my sister well enough to pick out a dress for her, we walked through the shop and she said no to the first dress I picked out, the woman helping got like two dresses for her to try on and I slipped in the "one" and sure enough she picked the one that I liked
Bring someone who knows you and will be honest with you NO MATTER WHAT. If the person helping you sucks DONT BE AFRAID TO GET A NEW PERSON TO HELP, trust me if you have to deal with crappy people its gonna make everything stink for you
Take someone who you trust will tell you the truth about how a dress looks on you. Take someone who's already married.
I'm getting married in May, I'm 22 (21 at the engagement time), and when I told my relatives..."Are you pregnant?!" came out of half of their mouths (and the rest just kept it to themselves I'm sure!) Getting married young is NOT for everyone, but it is for some people!
Take magazine pictures, and an idea of what you want! But also take advice from the girls at the bridal shop and try on things even if it wasn't what you had in mind. The lady that was helping me brought me my dress just to make sure it was the right size and emphasized "it's just for sizing" and on the hanger, I wasn't impressed at all, but I put it on and immediately knew it was the one!
as for the questions, getting married is a special thing. I know I won't be getting married with the thought in my head that if it doesn't work out, that's okay. I should know it will work out before I take that step. I know the younger people are, the more critical people are likely to be about the idea of marriage towards them. I don't know about anyone else, but it's definitely a personal decision for me. Opinions are important, but it's not their life either.