A couple of days ago, I had coffee with a good girl friend who angrily recounted to me a recent occurrence between her and her bf. Apparently they decided to go out to a bar for St. Patrick's Day to celebrate. It was a neighborhood joint, a small place that really couldn't handle the amount of people who showed up that night.
As you can imagine, lots of drunk people squished into a tiny enclosed place isn't the beginning of any great fairy tales. Some girl next to my friend accidentally jostled a guy's arm and made him spill his drink over his nice shirt. He didn't know exactly who did it, thought it was my friend, and started screaming at her. She didn't even know what had happened and had this guy screaming in her face, so she started yelling back.
A good amount of cussing and general unpleasantness later, my friend stomps out of the bar with her bf in tow. She gets angry at him for not speaking up for her and letting crazy guy talk to her that way. He told her that he didn't think that he needed to escalate the situation and that she was already holding her own. They ended up arguing and the whole night was just in shambles.
Even days after the whole shebang, my friend is still pissed at her bf. She feels like he didn't care enough about her to try to protect her and that the guy "should stand up for his woman especially when there's another guy in play."
Do you think she's in the right or wrong? Do you expect your SO to be your bodyguard and stand up for you at all times?
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Comments (86)
when there is another man involved he definetly should step in.
I would expect my SO too, but if the bf had stepped in, things might have gotten worse.
Well no, not at all times. But if another man *most especiually a drunk man* gets nasty and is disrespectful to me, then yea, I do expect him to stand up. But if its something that doesn't appear to be heading ftowards a physical confrontation, then no I don't expect it. Although, it gives him some kudos if he does.
For the most part I can hold my own, but if I were in her shoes, I'm pretty sure my husband would be all over the guy yelling at me.
My SO always steps in to protect me.
I love knowing that my SO can hold his own in a fight (although I don't want my man to get into a fight unless in self-defense).
i'm with her. i'd be so angry if my SO didn't stick up for me when someone was yelling at me.
@thefrozenpoet@xanga - exactly.
i don't want to make my problems my boyfriend's problems by any means. but i think especially if another guy was giving me problems, i'd want him to step in.
I think your friend is crazy. First of all, if your guy isn't built to possibly get in a brawl with some guy--which obviously this guy is already crazy since he's flipping out when he doesn't even know who spilled the drink--you shouldn't expect him to provoke such a psycho person. Secondly, that's such an overly romanticized idea...what'd she expect him to say? If she was holding her own, what more could he possibly add to the situation that would have made it better? If she had been sobbing and unable to speak, then yeah it probably would have been nice of him to be like "Dude back off she didn't spill the drink on you, calm down!" or something, but if she was arguing back then there was really no need for him to step in.
lol, no.
@thefrozenpoet@xanga - Depends on the situation. Considering how drunk this guy was, it might have turned sour, i.e., a bar fight. I think he was right to avoid it, but he most definitely would have stepped in if NEEDED. In this case, not so much.
If she didn't know what was going on, her bf probably wouldn't know any better.
If she doesn't know what going on and yells back anyways, does she have the right to be mad at her bf for not defending her?
In her situation, he shouldnt have stepped in, it was fine. But if the angry guy brought a hand to her or she was NOT holding her own, yah he should step in.
I have my own mouth and fists.
i think yes. when a drunk and possibly hostile man starts yelling at a girl like that the bf should at least make himself known. i also hate when my brother tries to 'beat me up' and my boyfriend doesn't do anything... protect me! seriously who's side are you on hahha
I think in relationships, both people should have the other's back.
In this girl's case, it wasnt right for the BF to just sit there while some stranger screams at her. It didnt warrant a fist fight but if the situations were reversed, I'm sure she wouldnt have watched some guy insult her man.
My first boyfriend in high school had alot of friends & one of them was this bitch that was in my gym class that would just pick on me for no reason & he would just sit back like it was nothing. That lessened his appeal fast. I wasnt saying "her or me!!" because I didnt see her at any other time, I just told him to tell her to leave me the fuck alone.
I see his side, but I think he should've tried to defend her.
he can step back and record the yelling match scenario as he watches me bitchslap that guy with words. I hate it when I'm wrongly accused so I won't let him intimidate me
if it is verbal, I can handle it
but if he hits me though, then I expect my bf to help me out, hold him down while I kick him where it hurts
He shouldn't have started shit with the guy, but he should have stepped in. Maybe to calm HER down. The guy who started the yelling was obviously not thinking clearly, there was no point in yelling at him at all. Let him be crazy and get out of his way.
If that makes sense.
i would expect a friend or a bf to stand up for me. that kind of situation requires some help
I suppose it'd make sense without being overly reckless
I don't have a boyfriend, but I've got my guys, and their general MO in a situation is to let me do my own talkin'. They won't let a guy hit me and they won't let a guy insult me.
It comes down to their judgment, and I trust their judgment; verbal fights they know I've got, physical is where they feel needed. Not because I can't fight, but because they believe I shouldn't have to. And if a girl has 2-7 guys trying to protect her, why not let 'em?
In a situation like your friend's, they'd have stepped in, told the guy to calm down and back off. Made him calm down and back off if it was necessary. Because you can't tell what a crazy drunk will do. But I like to think we would have left shortly thereafter...
my s.o. knows i can handle my own but would probably step in.
@x__RainOnHerParade@xanga - @CrimsonxBallad@xanga - Exactly.
It seemed like she was able to defend herself just fine without her boyfriend unnecessarily stepping in.
Like the commenters said, if she really needed the help, as in she was crying from the yelling or something or it was about to turn physical, then he should've stepped in.
Be more independent instead of abusing the romanticized idea of "I'm a damsel in distress. My knight in shining armor. Save me!"
@thefrozenpoet@xanga - Though when drunks are involved, step carefully.
yes