Saturday, 27 March 2010
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Take Time to Date!
If you're single, and hope to be married one day, take time to date. Think of how the job search requires active effort on your part--networking, keeping yourself busy so that when you finally get an interview you have something to say about what you've been doing for the last six months, etc. You don't just wander throughout life hoping a great job will land in your email inbox (and if by some unfortunate happenstance, you do do this, stop immediately and read the book The Job Search Solution). In the same way, you have to invest time and energy to date--and to learn about how to date effectively.
I devour self-help books, and hope to write them some day. Books on dating, relationships, and marriage abound, but the bestsellers are actually all quite in line with one another in the advice that they give. I'll save you some time and summarize some of the advice that I've read repeatedly, believe in myself, and try my hardest to practice:
1. Dating is supposed to be a fun learning experience. There's a book titled If it Hurts, It Isn't Love, and I just love that title because it points out how ridiculous the saying "love hurts" is. I don't remember the last time love hurt me--only the times when men I have loved have done or said things that hurt my feelings. Those are two completely different things. Dating is not about drama, heartache, and pain. It's about meeting new people, learning about with what sorts of people you are compatible, and having fun. If your relationship is making you feel bad, it's not good for you--or your friends and family who have to hear about it.
2. Unless you're in a mutual committed relationship, date several people at a time. Women have lots of what I like to call "love energy" and it's good to spread that energy across several people--especially for the first three months of dating as you are getting to know someone. Dating several people is a surefire way to make sure you take things slowly (physically and emotionally), helps you build up an ability to shrug off instances of a guy who doesn't callas often as you'd like, and helps highlight what you do and don't like in each person (e.g. Guy X is more thoughtful than Guy Y, but Guy Y is more interesting). This advice may seem counterintuitive or impossible to achieve, but actually trying it is the only way to show just how useful this tip is.
3. Women and men communicate differently--and that's okay. Thanks to John Gray, I realized that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Once Dr. Gray taught me this important lesson, I drastically reduced my nagging, asking probing questions when I noticed a guy brooding, and worrying when a guy disappeared for several days at a time. Women solve problems by talking them through with their girlfriends. Men solve problems by retreating to their cave (both physically and mentally) to do whatever they do in there, work it out, and emerge ready to play again. You can't chase them into the cave, you can't stand outside of the cave waiting for them to come out, and you can't yell into the cave and throw stuff in there. You just have to go about living your life and wait for them to be ready to join the world again.
4. Online Dating is Grrrreat! I don't care what prejudices you have toward online dating. If you're single and don't want to be, you are cheating yourself out of a great opportunity by resisting it. I've been really happy with my recent foray into online dating. I resisted it for several months, even though two of my friends met their very wonderful boyfriends online. When I finally paid for a subscription, created an authentic and interesting profile, and put up some thoughtfully chosen pictures, I was delighted with how many handsome, smart, and nice guys I met. It took me awhile to get it right though. I will save specific tips on successful online dating for another posting, but I will take the time to plug Match.com, because it's my favorite of the few sites I've tried.I hope that these tips have at least given all you single CrazyGirls out there some food for thought. Now put all that go-getter energy you used to get this far to find the person of your dreams.
Do you make time to date? What is your favorite way to meet people?
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About the Author
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- From: CrazyGirl
- Name: Kaneisha
- About Me: I provide dating and happiness advice for Crazy Girls and the people who love us at http://crazygirlnation.com. I love to read, write, and give advice.
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Comments (14)
Meh I don't like dating more than one guy at once right now in college. Usually I start cuddling and kissing within a week dating, so if I wanted to date more than one guy, chances are I'd be cuddling and kissing more than one guy in the same period of time, which just makes me feel bad somehow.
Online Dating?
You must be lonely.
That's for losers.
"I devour self-help books"
Ha, haha, HAHAHAHAHA!
No.
I like this post - very nice. I'm very single for a reason. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, but I'm not pushing guys away either. And online dating - I've tried it, but only the free sites. There are way too many losers out there on those sites, and if you go out on a date with them - they expect more than just dinner...I'll say, they want dessert too. I'm thinking about trying a paid site though - thanks.
online dating? sorry, but that's gross
Um no for dating several people at once, there's a name for that....w-h-o-r-e.
I mean if its not exclusive maybe 2 people? But several, what are we talking about like 6 here?
@Pheism@xanga - I think she means in the beginning of dating when you are not yet exclusive with someone. You don't just jump into a relationship when you barely know someone. You casually date a few people to see who you really like and take it from there.
Online dating scares the crap out of me....unless I already physically know someone and keep in touch with them online....
@cynpia@xanga - You speak from experience then?
You have just as big of a chance of meeting someone in a bar that's gross. Except, when they hit on you in a bar, you can't just block them. Join E-Harmony. Tell me how gross it is.
My uncle met a woman from brazil online. She's been my aunt for over 6 years now, they met, got married, and had a kid together. She's a nice lady.
@trekker94@xanga - Online dating shouldn't be scary. Don't be an idiot and tell someone too much if you haven't already talked to them. The best thing is that paid sites have you verify your ID, so you know if a person is real or not.
All you haters out there obviously haven't even tried it. I so far have dated 1 girl online, and you know what? She was exactly who she said she was. She was a nice girl and I enjoyed my time with her when we finally met. We dated for 7 months. I know everyone here has heard your mom or dad tell you, well how do you know if you haven't tried it. Their wisdom is usually a good thing to listen to.
my favorite self help book is dale carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
@justaboy - I haven't experienced it myself, but I heard it from my ex, who beyond my understanding is an online dater as well. He said most info stated online are fake, and many of them just want to get laid. knowing people in the bar is gross too, these 2 obviously are the no. 1 and 2 reason of why people get STDs.
Still, there maybe people who are lovely on the internet, but I just won't want to try it at allI plan on dating more after I graduate. I didn't really date at all in college. My school is a virtual who's who of over hormoned losers. It's like, "Hi my name is, may I see your vagina?"
Not that I expect it to be much better in the real world but I hope the guys will be a little more mature and a lot more attractive.
lol.
@SupperMick@xanga - Ooh, I just started reading that book and I love it!
Dating several people, or did you mean a something like a friendly date with a group of friends.
And my favourite way to date is going out to watch a movie, or bowling.
I usually meet friends at school, or sometimes at a random stumble. That's how I met my boyfriend :)