Recently my father has told me that he doesn't see eye-to-eye with my boyfriend. He says that if my boyfriend were to ever propose, he'd greatly like it if I didn't say yes.
Now, I know that not all parents are going to like their children's choices or any of that, nor are they always going to like the person that they chose to be with. I've known this. I've accepted it. But, I'm also old-fashioned and would appreciate having my dad approve of my relationship.
My father has said that he doesn't have the same interests as my boyfriend and myself. Call me selfish, but isn't that how it's supposed to be? I'm dating my boyfriend. Not my father. On a second note, my father's been saying that my boyfriend's been using me, that he can "see" it. I asked how my boyfriend was using me, I have yet to receive an answer.
My dad's not the most social person out there, but whenever my boyfriend comes over -- my dad goes and hides himself in a separate room altogether and doesn't even try to get to know my boyfriend (who goes silent around my dad because he's afraid of saying something stupid).
Dad says that he just wants me to be happy, but the only one making me unhappy is him. My boyfriend's been there for me more often than I can count. He's helped me through so many things and I've fallen in love with him. Now I'm afraid to tell my dad this because I don't wanna fight with him anymore (we've been fighting since Monday evening).
My mom's been more than supportive. She thinks my boyfriend's loud, but she approves of him because he makes me happy. I'm glad that she can see that he makes me happy. Maybe because she warmed up to my boyfriend (unlike my dad) and they got to talking and to know each other. I'm more at ease with her than I am with my dad. That, and my mom didn't disappear when my boyfriend and I went to visit (my parents are divorced).
On the other hand, his entire family loves me. They love the fact that I talk to them and don't ignore them or anything. I'll sit there and have a conversation with them about whatever they wanna talk about. I'm as polite as anything to them and treat them how I would want to be treated. They've called me the daughter that they never had. Even my boyfriend's brother loves me to death (and I don't get to talk to him all that often). I'm quite shy and quiet, but I will speak when spoken to with them.
I act like my boyfriend does with my father and his family doesn't treat me like crap. I know that Dad's only looking out for me, but I don't know what to do anymore. I want to open up to my dad and tell him everything that's been happening in my life (there are so many things that he doesn't know about, because I don't need him yelling at me every other second) and I want to tell him how much I love my boyfriend.
Now it just seems impossible.
Any advice?
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Comments (14)
I'd just tell your dad that you love your boyfriend and you like the way he makes you feel, and that in the end, it's your choice, not his. tell him that you love him, and you want him to approve of your boyfriend, and ask him to at least make it effort to get to know him better.
You should talk with her dad. I realize that I have not been honest with my dad about my "boyfriend"... maybe because ... well if I were to show him what my boyfriend looked like... well. hmm... my boyfriend thinks he's a lesbian trapped in a mans body. He loves me dearly, but how do I explain that to my dad without proof that my boyfriend DOES in fact have a penis.
I think you should talk to her dad, get him in the same room as the mom (since the parentals are divorced, that might be hard... so probably go to the one that means the most to her first) and have it out. Say that you are in fact a real person who loves their daughter, as I'm sure they don't believe that anyone is good enough for their little girl.
My situation is similar, but different. My parents already approve of my boyfriend, but my boyfriend doesn't seem to approve of himself?? I dunno. My situation is weird. It's long distance, has been for a long time. Been driving us both WAY crazy, we haven't even had the chance to have sex yet and we've been together for who knows how long. We're patient that way
mostly cause we know it's gunna be earth shattering... and he's just not sure if the world is ready for such things yet. I am. But he's super honorable and what not... so I wait for him. To ask my parents. To see if we can have sex for the rest of our lives together. Hold hands too... kiss... talk... touch... all of it. We've been waiting for a LONG time. I hold on to whatever I can to get by and not miss him as much as I do... but i will continue to miss him. Until I don't (i repeat things a lot)
hope this helps
You should remember that ultimately, should your boyfriend propose or whatever, you'll be marrying your boyfriend, not your father. While I'm sure that your father is just looking out for you, and wants the best for you, fathers also have a bit of a bias. As long as you're not turning blind eyes to any of his more severe faults, then I'm pretty sure you have the most correct opinion regarding your boyfriend. You are the one dating him, so you should know him better than anyone else (including your father... who holes himself away?) Not to be rude, but it doesn't sound like your father has created much of a welcoming environment for your boyfriend to be himself in, so if he doesn't like what he sees, he's mostly to blame.
If it's any consolation, my grandmother hated my mother when they first met. Now they're great friends. My grandmother saw that my dad was miserable without my mom and they now talk at least once a week. She didn't want her little boy to be taken from her, and in her eyes, no one was good enough for him. Maybe your dad feels the same way about your boyfriend.
Dads are always going to take a while to give a boyfriend their approval. Good dads, that is. Kinda sounds like maybe he (your dad) doesn't want to give you up. Because if my dad didn't like my boyfriend, he'd be out in the open glaring at him, no joke.
He's probably a little afraid of getting to know him, liking him, and losing you.
I think dads can be a little over-protective of their daughters.
luckily i have only one parent to answer to. && my mom could care less, even a police officer was concerned about my love life and if my parents would approve.
Your dad's just looking out , consider yourself fortunate that you have someone that cares enough to not want to see you get hurt.
Well...sometimes family sees things that we cannot see. I was with someone for 3 years and my family did not approve of it at all. His family, on the other hand, adored me. And I think the key difference was the level of commitment. I was WAY more committed to him than he was to me, and that showed. I mean, my aunt once told me, "parents only want one thing--to see that someone loves their daughters/sons as much as they do." I showed it, so I got the stamp of approval. He did not, hence my family didn't care much for him.
I'm kind of seeing another person...and his family hasn't warmed up to me yet...whereas my family loves this guy....same token, my family sees his devotion to me, whereas his family couldn't tell whether I was into him or not...
Easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Just sayin.
OMG!!my friends were in those situaton,some of them choose family than boyfriend.
im having the same problem with u right now.
If my mother disapprove my love,perhaps i will make it come to a halt.
Family is far more importanth,dont you think so?
I do think family is more important, but you need to make it very clear to your dad where you stand. Ultimately, YOU will be spending the rest of your life with boyfriend, not your dad.
My boyfriend's mother told him once that he should break up with me because she didn't want him to get hurt.
But he didn't and I do think his mom likes me well enough. He was hurt in the past so I guess she figured it could happen again. So I don't think it happened because she dislike me, she was just worried.
If your dad does not even know your boyfriend all that well, they need to get to know each other. Otherwise, it will just get messy when you decide to stay with him and still want a relationship with your dad.
He is divorced, though, so perhaps some thing happened to him in the past that are giving him inhibitions about your boyfriend?
I actually wrote this post ... And I just got notified that this is up here. So forgive me for being late on this. I've been trying to get my Dad to talk to my bf. My Dad's very anti social so it's harder. And, I dunno. It's just hard to explain. My Dad's letting my bf come down and spend time with me, he just won't stick around. My bf makes a huge effort into trying to talk to my Dad. =\