I love double standards. So much so that I spoke out about it and became an outcast at a group gathering.
Now, whenever I get together with a bunch of friends, it always splits into two groups. The guys will be out in the living room either watching sports or playing Rock Band. The girls will hang around the kitchen area eating and drinking. As we were catching up on gossip and who's dating whom, one of the guy comes in for more food. His girlfriend gets up and immediately tells him, "Drop that chicken wing before I drop you!" and smacks the chicken wing he was about to eat out of his hand.
If you're wondering why she did that, well, it's because he's on the hefty side and she wanted him to lose weight. Of course he's pissed that she did that in front of everyone (all the guys heard it too) so he calls her a F-ing bitch and just storms away from her. As she sits there fuming, all the girls are just trying to soothe her whereas I pointed out that what she did was kinda fucked up. If you've ever wondered what 10 pairs of eyes staring at you feels like, I can tell you it's not pleasant. So I get slammed for being a sellout and not being a "good" friend. My only defense was that if the tables were reversed and he had slapped food out of her hands in front of everyone, instead of talking, we might be dialing 911 right about now.
Instead of seeing my point of view, they said since I obviously have penis envy and love being like a guy so much that I should join the penis table. As I got up to leave the table, I was so tempted to do my impression of Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men: "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" but thought better not to cause more drama. So just like that, I was cast out of the women's kitchen and into a room full of penises.
A few days later, I did get a phone call from my friend along with an apology. I told her it's okay and I just shrugged it off. Hey, double standard's a bitch, right?
So how many of you have experienced something like this where you spoke the truth and got burned by it? Why is it that these double standards persist?
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Comments (33)
they persist because people are ignorant and refuse to educate themselves on the way human beings work. i'm not saying everyone has to be a psychologist or anything, but attempting to understand that everyone's basic mental/emotional needs are the same would sure help break this crap.
Firstly, I think your friend was very rude! She didnt have to do that to him in front of friends like that. And secondly, chicken is a lean meat!
I'm all for telling the truth but there's ways you can say it without being a bitch or a jerk about it. Like my motto says, "It's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it". If your friend felt that way, she should have addressed the matter in private with her boyfriend.
Double standards exist because people refuse to look past stereotypes & they listen to others instead of finding things out for themselves.
Wow, he should dump her. That was very bitchy, ignorant, and embarrassing to him.
Sorry, your friend is a bitch (at least in this situation). Behavior like that aggravates me, because it gives all douche bags an excuse to hate on women. Not all women are like that, just like not all men are wife beating assholes.
Haha your friend was wrong, and it's awesome that you didn't stick behind her just to be a "good friend".
meme... pick me. I wanna play too. Can I play? the game of penis envy? nahh... I like my vagina. Always have. Haven't really known what to do with it. But I like it.
Double standard... hmmm... saying one thing, and doing the other. ish.
What if we just STATED something, and it didn't even matter. what then?
i spy a sigmund freud reference!
but yeah, i really hate how some women act in relationships. men included. i think double standards like this happen because people don't know how to put themselves in other people's shoes
As long as traditional gender roles are in play double standards will be right there with them.
Simply put, a big reason why double standard exist is b/c people DON'T want/accept TRUTH! Also, there are social rules in our society today that tell us what girls/guys can and can't get away of things. Which unfortunately girls can get away with many what I call fucked up shit. I'm sure all girls know this.
As far as being burned by a friend for speak the truth, remember this "a friend tells you what you want to hear, a true friend tells you what you need to hear."
@Shinbi_Belldandy@xanga - I like that, so very true "it's not what you say, it's how you say it."
But very true. There's just so much double standards out there. What I hate is when people also hide behind their gender rather than fessing up to the truth or their mistake. Oh she's acting like an ass, oh forgive her cuz she's just being a girl, maybe on PMS or something. Hello? People have feelings, not because they're a guy or a girl, but cuz they're a person, a human being (and look! the words are not gender specific).
Aside from gender double standards, there's just simple individual double standards. I remember my ex acted a certain way say with how he jokes around, and once in a while I may end up acting like something similar to him and suddenly I'm the ass who can't take a joke or something?!?! It's okay for him to do something, but not for me, cuz it's him and his world and all things he and not me. Bah. Annoying.....
everyone gets burned when they speak the truth, even if it's not about a double standard.
everyone says that they'd rather have all of their friends be truthful 100% of the time, but no one really means it. let's face it, if everyone was truthful 100% of the time, no one would be friends with anyone else because we'd all hate each other.
I can't believe the other women thought what she did was OK or even funny.
Your friend is a bitch. Depending on how long they've been together, I'd put that as grounds for break up.
I don't even know where to being with double standards... so I guess I won't.
In my opinion: Double standard = respect.
yeah.. i totally dont understand how can some ppl have no empathy at all.. untill i tell them.. " what if this happen to u..." then OoO.. they finally get it...
mmm... a room full of penises. heavenly.
@Erika_Steele@xanga - agreed. that's truly inexcusable.
What your friend did was unacceptable. Kudos to you for doing what you did. And kudos to her boyfriend, too. If I were him, I would have smacked HER, then dumped her ass - right in front of everyone. But I have a short temper, so.
I usually don't like to start drama but sometimes people push my buttons because they know that I hate confrontation and will be the bigger person and ignore it but there have been situations where I've cussed a few people out in their face until they are speechless. it was harsh and sometimes people say things they don't really mean when they are angry but I didn't regret it, I meant every word I said because it was the truth and I didn't feel bad, I felt relieved. later the other person admitted being wrong, tried to apologize but I didn't accept their apology...I never talked to that person again because I don't tolerate people like that in my life.
I think you did the right thing. And I think double standards exist for a multitude of reasons - stereotypes, mainly.
But... you called it like it was. And you should NOT have gotten attacked for it. They were defensive because they couldn't see the fucking point. That's their problem, not yours!
maybe because people prefer one side more but say something else
The only down side of being a man is you can't ever win in a fight EVER! People are so ignorant. He had a fight to call her that. If a guy told a girl that he would not only be hated for it, but he would be single that night. Fucking ignorance!
I'm not sure this is a great example of double standard lol.
I've done it a couple times. sometimes I get yelled at for it sometimes the other sees my point.
That's the bitchiest thing I've ever heard a girlfriend say to the man she's dating. He needs to dump her. No one should be treated like that.