Wednesday, 24 March 2010
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Top 10 Things Not To Do In A Relationship
Having been in a relationship that lasted almost three and a half years, I have learned some of the ins and outs of what one should and shouldn't do in a relationship. There were many times when I probably should not have done the things that I did, and times when he should not have done things. If these things are happening in your relationship... something might be wrong.
1) Do not go kissing other people. Just don't do it. Why do you need to? If you're happy with your S/O, there is no point, and it may end up hurting the other person. This being said, you probably shouldn't sleep with other people either.
2) If your S/O is away for a while, do not bring other people to special events with you as a date just because "you can't go alone." If you need a date, at least ask your S/O first. Don't just spring it on them. That's so not okay.
3) Do not be a psychopath. No one likes an overly clingy guy or girl. If your S/O doesn't respond in five minutes to a text, you don't have to start bombarding him or her with texts to make sure he or she still likes you. Chances are, they do and are just busy. Relax. Give it a couple hours at least. I know that I have a tendency to jump the gun and freak out but usually it just led to an argument or more quietness from the other end.
4) Do not ignore your S/O when they are trying to contact you. For example, f you're busy, instead of completely ignoring them and forgetting to respond, try to say "busy, I'll get back to you" and then respond later. If that's impossible, explain why later.
5) Do not ignore your S/O in public. It makes them feel completely worthless, and it may cause them to think you're embarrassed of them or only brought them along out of responsibility. I'm not saying you have to cling to them when you're out, but including them in conversations or just occasionally holding their hand really does say a lot.
6) Do not keep emotions bottled up inside. If you are feeling hurt or angry, don't keep it inside and let it fester for months at a time because you do not want to upset the other person. That could lead to a way messier situation in the long run and could make everything worse.
7) Do not block out what the other person is saying. ALWAYS listen. If you don't... well... that's bad.
8) Don't blame. I mean, sometimes, yes, things are the other person's fault. But sometimes they aren't. And it's important to make sure your S/O keeps listening. Using I-statements and explaining feelings instead of yelling and blaming will get you so much farther with what you want.
9) Don't stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. Just don't do it. If you aren't happy or if you keep wondering if there's someone better for you out there, than maybe this relationship just isn't for you.
10) Don't leave a relationship that makes you happy. That's the stupidest thing you could do.
I know, I know, these all seem so obvious. You probably read them and said, "Well... duh," but surprisingly, all of those things happened in my relationship. All of these obvious don'ts occurred so even though they're obvious, I think they need to be reiterated. I look back at this relationship and wonder if these things had gone differently, what may have happened. Then again, if these things are happening... maybe you're just with the wrong person.
Do you have any other do's or don't's for relationships? Do you agree or disagree with any of these?
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- From: materialactress@xanga
- About Me: I'm just a tacky college student. I'm studying HDFS in order to be a relationships counselor, although my relationships could always use a little work. I'm obsessed wtih Star Wars and koala bears, and I'm very tall but, no, I do not play basketball or volleyball.
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Comments (126)
Yes, they're obvious. But also very easily forgotten.
I pretty much agree with every point you have in this .
I'd add to number 10), but make sure you're not being strung along.
haha nice checklist
This is a great list :) nice post.
haha i love how ambiguous the first one is. i think these are all pretty legit.
well said. like them all. love how you tell the clingy person and their cold SO to quit acting up! both are very true.
sometimes ppl only listen once it's on an actual written/typed list. ^^''
*smacks head with hand*
while these are pretty obvious things, it does blow over peoples heads. good list.
love #4 and #5.
word. Good read! #1... yea... i felt like a huge jerk face.
I'll add to that: how about not going out with the same person 3 times after it didn't work out the first or second time? If it doesn't work out the first time for me, then I drop them for good. Too many fish in the sea to keep searching for the one that got away.
I'd even add a number 11 in here too, but it pretty much sums up 1-8.
"Treat your S/O like you would want them to treat you."i.e. DON'T lie to them, DON'T be overly clingy, but DO listen and DO be reasonable.This rule really should reach out to include everyone, but it's especially important concerning your bf/gf, because you care about them a whole lot and want them to stick around, right?Rules to live by.
This is a very good list.
Yeah pretty sure I'm guilty of all those things, and had all those things done to me before.
@JusticeCho@xanga - Yeah, these are things that both my ex and I did in our relationship and looking back on them, I think most people probably do do them, even though they are so obvious. They're also really easily forgotten. =/
great job, straight to the point. I agree with all of them!
compromise compromise compromise.
*facepalm* all true.
3) Do not be a psychopath. No
one likes an overly clingy guy or girl. If your S/O doesn't respond in
five minutes to a text, you don't have to start bombarding him or
her with texts to make sure he or she still likes you. Chances are,
they do and are just busy. Relax. Give it a couple hours at least. I
know that I have a tendency to jump the gun and freak out but usually it
just led to an argument or more quietness from the other end.
4) Do not ignore your S/O when they
are trying to contact you. For example, f you're busy, instead
of completely ignoring them and forgetting to respond, try to say "busy,
I'll get back to you" and then respond later. If that's impossible,
explain why later.
I'm guilty of number three and I'm so embarrassed to admit it, actually... and number FOUR, my boyfriend is obscenely guilty of. So guilty it's actually also embarrassing at times... he claims he doesn't ignore me but the psychopath inside of me is 100% convinced he does ignore me when I'm trying to contact him and that same part of me thinks he does it on purpose or just to spite me. Thanks for sharing these. They're quite relatable.
agree
i'm def guilty of #6 and #7. ::shrug:: what can i say..i'm a severe introvert, and my boyfriend talks entirely too much.
had my bf pull a number five on me. that sucked.
what happens when they don't listen to you and it makes you unhappy?
and what the hell does it mean if you're unhappy but you would rather stay than go... not because you're afraid to be alone, but if you just don't want to lose this person when it looks like they make you unhappy?