Monday, 22 March 2010
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Do You Simply Give Up or Try to Make Things Work?
Okay, so I know I've only entered this relationship less than two months ago, but it feels like the things that I feel are important in life (gay rights, religious views, etc, etc.) he seems to make fun of. He doesn't believe in a god of any sorts and I whole-heartedly do. I have tons of gay friends and love them to death. He enjoys mocking homosexuals. I enjoy lending my free time to fighting cancer and homelessness. He would rather be playing video games or sleeping. So here's my question for you Xanga:
What would you do if everything you held close to your heart and every belief you had was just a silly joke to him/her?
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About the Author
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- From: they_call_me_steffyjean@xanga
- Name: Stephanie
- About Me: Wow, it's been 2 years since I've updated my profile, but I noticed someone in my footprints reading through it. And I thought to myself, "Wow, I really think it's time for a little change." So, here it is. Well, really, it's just a copy and paste from my Facebook, but shhhhh. The way I see it is, the sun will always shine. Whether or not you choose to open your eyes to see it, is up to you. Okay, so let's start this thing over. Fair warning before we get started though, I tend to ramble, so I suggest skimming through instead of actually reading everything because you will get bored outta your mind. The name is Stephanie (kudos to you if you were smart enough to put two and two together and assumed my middle name was Jean). I work for the local homeless program known as the INNS Program or Interfaith Network Nightly Shelter Program. Basically I babysit homeless people from 9pm to 7am which involves very little work most days. I am not in school, but will be going back (hop
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Comments (43)
make things work
I would drop him like a bad habit! If you respect his views then he should respect yours.
I would write a list of the pros and the cons, and if there are more cons, end it.
It's only a matter of time before your relationship implodes. Those are some basic, deep-down beliefs that need to be compatible to make things work. I'd brace myself for a breakup if I were you.
-Katie
GTFO before things get too attached and you get too hurt. @akatiegirl - I agree. fundamentals like that wont change easily...so you're either in for a break up or a very, very , very long and hard road of change.
I'd try to make him understand my views, but if that isn't even important to him, then i'd give up on him.
What matters to you reflects who you are.
--The other person needs to know and respect that in order for things to work.
@parkedxenergy@xanga - maybe I'm misinformed but this seems somewhat childish and TVesque. Just talk to the person for each to know - and if you're trying to dillute aspects of their personality down to stereotyped things then maybe you're not taking things seriously and maybe you're not connecting or the con?
But who am I to "comment," If its going to implode its not going to be because I didn't try, that I didn't care - in my own self-delusional way I believe it takes some of the fault off me ... which I know in some instances isn't true. Always try harder to be better - if not for them then for yourself.
Someone doesn't have to necessarily share or agree with your views and beliefs but respect is something that should come first in a relationship.
try to make things work. but there has to be respect and that should go both ways. i may not like that she likes to collect small glass animals and i may think it is silly that she has to make a "home" for them, but i respect that she has an interest that makes her happy. as long as it does not become an obsession. when you loose or dont have the respect, then othre things in the relationship will begin to crumble too.
I wouldn't be with him in the first place. I mean, I've got no problem with a difference of opinions, but he's got to respect my opinions, even if he thinks they're dumb. I can't love anyone I don't respect, and I can't respect anyone who doesn't respect me.
If they are incredibly important to you to the point where they identify you, then I say dump him. I had a boyfriend who constantly criticized the belief of God, and I happen to be a Christian. I, like you, enjoyed spending time in DCand volunteering at homeless shelters etc, and other volunteer things,and he only acknowledged it but never wanted to come and thoguht it was a waste of time, not because he was finding a better method of ehlp but because he did not think he needed to help people. Other things such as an appreciation of music bothered me. Music and other expressive arts are my soul basically, and he di dnot care. I was young, and stupid, and decided to try to make it work. however, if he does not eve try to get to know those things that define you, that make you happy, then there is no use trying to teach it to him because he will not intrinsically enjoy it, but only be attempting to or faking liking/trying it if he even does.
And as for beliefs, if he doesn't agree, that's one thing. But if he just tells you you are stupid and doesn't even try to listen or take into account anything you are saying, then no.
You're dating the wrong person for you.
Breaking up isn't the same as giving up. Some things just aren't worth saving. Would you throw water on a burning house if it was housing drug addicts and dealers? It's a house, it's providing shelter, but it's also ruining the neighborhood.
It's still a relationship, you still have someone you care for and who probably cares for you, but if things aren't working out and most likely won't in the future, then let it go. This house isn't worth saving.
If you are involved with organizations or volunteer groups that you hold dear, look for guys who are also in them. You have a better chance to find someone who shares your values and ideas.
@Thumper49047@xanga - I understand what you're saying, but I think I worded my statement wrong. I meant write a list of pros and cons about the whole relationship, not just about what you like or dislike about the other person. It is much more effective to write about what you feel for that person, how you interact with him/her, how you handle arguments, not simply "she snores" or "he's handsome".
Why don't you have a serious conversation?
If it was me, I'm sure a guy like this isn't even hard to break up with. I woul just leave that kind of guy without saying anything, and I'll doubt that he would care or react to anything. But if he does start crying like a pansy, don't worry about it, just keep going...don't look back.Â
@akatiegirl - Agreed. Basic core beliefs rarely change. And since it doesn't seem that he can even respect your beliefs this relationship is going to end sooner or later. Better you end it first to save yourself for more deeper attachment and feelings down the line.
shamelessly red said that you should never go into a reationship with someone who doesnt share your core values.
and that makes sense because as you become more mature or grow older, you both will go two different directions.
so idk. talk to him about it. if nothings changes after youve talked, then do what you feel like doing
i would say break up, most likely, i dont know all the circumstances, but unless all what holds you together far overshadows the gaping differences... splitting is probably a better option
make things work <3
End it, he's a loser. Why is this even a question? Why would you even consider dating someone who you clearly don't respect or think very highly of? I dumped a boy once because he only drank bottled water and didn't recycle (granted there were other turnoffs present, but that was the final straw)
sounds like my type of guy j/k. I would find out things during our first few dates and avoid people that I can't stand.
Uhm, if you like him, pull your head out of your ass and get over it? And if not, then leave him.
arghs. long POV short... i think that if he doesnt respect your type of "fun" and interests, then no matter how long, it isnt gonna make you happy happy :(