My relationship status is one word that does not paint an accurate picture of who I am.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"I hate this question, more than most others. I am at a loss for words because this question always has an implied motive or will eventually lead somewhere I would prefer it did not. Most of the time, this question ends in me feeling negative and usually annoyed. Perhaps this is simply an example of my impatience with a majority of people
(Really, must you interrupt me with your inane questioning?), but I detest being asked whether I have a boyfriend.
My family, primarily my mom and dad, often question my relationship status. Regardless of how many times I assure them that when I eventually date, my Facebook relationship status will change, they do not take a hint to stop asking. It becomes bothersome when forced to interrogation by parents. My mom suspects me of dating every male I happen to hang out with while my dad has an obsession with asking about my ex-boyfriend. My father can really be insensitive, though I am long past the point of finding it hard to speak on my past. All in all though, I find my parents to be a little bit too nosy into my non-existent love life. Their persistence is a constant reminder of my frustration towards my current situation.
When guys ask me if I'm single, it usually ends up in them asking me out or harshly flirting with me. This is something I do not like dealing with. When one of my male friends asks me out, it puts a strain on our friendship as I politely decline. The fact that I am single does not mean that I am looking for a boyfriend. It becomes irritating when a guy immediately assumes that. Just because I am not dating does not mean I am lowering my standards or seeking a random person to date. Further annoyance stems from the response "Why are all the pretty girls single?" That is not true, but perhaps these "pretty girls" are not looking to settle for just anyone. On the flip side, I find people have a skewed view of someone not in a relationship. Attractiveness/worth is not ranked on dating status, just because I am not in a relationship does not mean I couldn't be. Four guys have expressed interest in me in the last week, I said no to each, does that make me ugly?
Lastly, there is the complex matter of my current situation. I am in a place where I am not officially dating one of my friends, but we are definitely not just friends. In essence, we are dating without the formal title. Regardless of whether it is going anywhere, I do not really want to give it up for some random guy who I might have a chance with. This is harder for others to grasp, the fact that I am in love with someone who can't
(well, won't) date me. At this moment in time, I can guarantee what I have with him makes me much happier than dating any of the other guys who like me would. Perhaps this is stupidity on my part, refusing guys who will actually date me, but whatever. Simply being single does not mean I am looking for someone to date, nor does it mean that I am not somehow involved with anyone else.
Perhaps I am simply a bitch, but I am not looking for a boyfriend.
Do you have a stereotypical view of those who are single? Do you flat out refuse or have an excuse you use to avoid dating people? Do your parents/family interrogate you on your current relationship status? If I am single, does that make me ugly?
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Comments (64)
Hieu Vo
Yeah, I stereotype some of the single people out there-they're too damn picky...
Yes, that does make you ugly, not physically, no, but still very ugly. The way that females can so easily, so casually, so callously dispense rejections so, is ugly.
If a male is single, he's a loser, right? And would have to count his blessings if any female lowered herself to enquire into his 'status', or to ask him out.
I hope you waste more years like this, until as a dried up old spinster guys stop liking you, loving you, being interested in you, and asking you out. Then you might just get a glimmer of how it feels.
Oh, diddums, you've got guys liking you, asking about you, you've had to "fend off" expressions of interest (what the hell is this, real estate?) from four of those 'nasty' guys this week alone...you poor thing, what a nightmare, however do you make it through.
God, the attitude on some of you girls is just staggering.
It's amazing how you manage to slip such egotism in there as well!
Yes, you are simply a bitch. You don't have to be though.
Me, I'm a man, so I'm automatically "ugly", I'm single, I shall get no "expressions of interest" any week, so I'm.....lonely, frustrated, depressed, suicidal.
I've got that friend that isn't a boyfriend, too. And if I was dating someone, we wouldn't have that. I'd a whole lot rather have him than have a boyfriend. Because he makes me happier than I've ever been.
My family understands, for the most part. Not about the friend, but about the fact that I'm single. I'm busy, lol. Don't have time!
i'm single because i dont find anyone who shows interest in me attractive. i havent been in the same room with a boy since dec.26 2008. i tell people flat out that i have no car and i live with my parents. what i mean by that is i have no way of hanging out with you and even if you have a car you cant come over because my parents are always home which isnt a complete lie but a stretch of the truth. my parents have never asked me about dating. we never really talk about that. i dont really see a reason to. And the whole thing about single people being ugly is a crock. i've seen hideous couples and think well damn if they can get someone whats wrong with me :/. Idk..I havent found anyone worth leaving the house for. Until then i'll be in my room doing The Biggest Loser Boot Camp.
Actually, I would think your attitude would make you more attractive because you know what you want instead of going for the next guy who thinks you're cute (Perhaps, it's only more mature guys who find that attractive.). But then guys might be bitter because they think, "Dang! She's not dating anyone, and I still can't have her." It's the sour-grape syndrome.
I respect the fact that you won't settle just because you feel the need to call someone your boyfriend. That's refreshing and empowering!
"I detest being asked whether I have a boyfriend."
Well why get one if you don't like being asked?
(assuming you have one)
"The fact that I am single does not mean that I am looking for a boyfriend. It becomes irritating when a guy immediately assumes that."
The fact that I say misogynistic things at times does not mean that I hate women, nor am I single. Yet many women assume that I hate women when I do. Also equally irritating.
Something else, this why the slut vs stud double standard exists; girls can always find willing participants. Guys however...
"Further annoyance stems from the response "Why are all the pretty girls single?"
I've never heard that one. It's usually the pretty ones that are taken.
"This is harder for others to grasp, the fact that I am in love with someone who can't (well, won't) date me."
No it's not, ever heard of high school, chick flick, or sitcom?
No stereotypes lie within me about people that are single. I've been single because I just don't feel like wasting my time. It's easier to hit on chicks then leave.
You aren't ugly. Just selective. I wish more women were.
"When one of my male friends asks me out, it puts a strain on our friendship as I politely decline. The fact that I am single does not mean that I am looking for a boyfriend. It becomes irritating when a guy immediately assumes that."
Maybe it means he's interested in you, and wants to ask you out because of that. Asking you out doesn't mean he's assuming you're looking for a boyfriend, and asking you whether you're single might just be a way to make sure you aren't taken. Nothing good is going to come from being upset with them.
Otherwise, your points are valid. People who are single are not always lonely. *shrug* And thus, those who are single aren't necessarily down on their self-worth or depressive.
Sounds similar to my situation. Except I never get asked out anymore ... you should be flattered, ha. I guess I'm secure being single but when people (especially girls) ask, I do feel like they regard being single as negative, and it is meant to reflect badly on those who are single. Its also a kind of competition, I've noticed.
I don't imagine I would avoid dating, because you never know; someone perfect for you could be asking! But I'm ok being single. But now you mention it ... maybe I am ugly, lol, for no one asking me teheh. I can't speak for you though. :p
Oh poor you. Some many guys are asking you out - what a horrible existence. You know, there are women out there that would love to have your problem. Stop whining about it.
As far as why people ask you if you are single, it's to probe the waters. If someone is interested in you, they don't want to waste their time if you are already taken. Take it as a compliment, don't be so negative.
If you are single and a guy is flirting with you that you are not interested just say you are flattered but you're not interested and that you are single by choice.
Lol, the fuck?
Fail post is fail.
Being single doesn't imply anything.
@Gentleman_Of_Versailles@xanga - ha yeah. A Datingish post whining about not wanting to date. FAIL is right. :)
Well, okay.
I'm kind of saddened that you've received so many negative responses to your post. I think it's a good one. I personally think that you won't be able to get past this guy that you're semi-involved with until you meet someone who captures your heart (as it happened with me). It's really really tough to be in the position you are in, where you are so enraptured with someone that you really don't have eyes for anyone else. No one else can compare. It really really sucks, though.
I don't think we should ever have to defend our relationship status to anyone, nor should we have to define it. It's your business and your business alone.
And you ARE pretty.
@PrettyKitten - -high fives-
@Morningstarrising@xanga - "I don't think we should ever have to defend our relationship status to anyone, nor should we have to define it. It's your business and your business alone."
- Agreed, nice response.
@Katie - "Oh poor you. Some many guys are asking you out - what a horrible existence. You know, there are women out there that would love to have your problem. Stop whining about it." Like me. :)
Just deal with it. It's a better position to just politely decline and continue with life as opposed to wanting something and never getting attention. Consider yourself lucky.
And besides, how old are you? If you're under 21, people should not be bugging you about being in a relationship. That's just dumb.
I smell some bitterness over the briefly mentioned boy you love who won't date you. If he knows this and still perniciously flirts with you, he is very cruel indeed. If he doesn't know, he deserves to. This stuff usually doesn't end well. Whether you want somebody else or not, talk to him about this stuff, get over him and it will save you from going crazy.
@Morningstarrising@xanga - I don't think we should ever have to defend
our relationship status to anyone, nor should we have to define it.
It's your business and your business alone.
This. This right here. A million times this. Everyone else go home.
You're a golddigging whore, eyeballing tramp.
Okay. You think that dressing like my grandma would deter the thoughts, but no, never.
I've decided that I'm a lesbian, even though I don't like that. The consequences aren't as bad.
It's simply that someone wants you in a relationship to control you or share in the misery. We're a free society - so they say. It's not like somebody who actually cares about you is helping you. No, it's some stranger with some horrible agenda or judgmental eyes of bitterness.
If you want to fuck me with no strings, okay, but there always seems to be strings so no random fucking.
Guys don't automatically assume you're looking for a boyfriend. If they ask you, it simply means they're curious because they're looking for a girlfriend.
Oh and you wanna cry some more about having TOO MANY GUYS LIKE YOU? Does Bill Gates bitch about having too much money? I didn't think so.
Also, the pretty girls are normally those who are taken. Least that's been my experience.
Yes, yes it is stupidity to turn down men willing and able to step up and say "Hey, I'd like to take this chance to risk my pride and ask you out". By the way, "dating" is a concept separate from a "relationship". This is an awesome thing because what you CAN do is date more than one person at a time. You can say "Yes, I'd love to go get some coffee" or "Friday for dinner sounds great" and if things don't go well on that one date, you call it off. No qualms. Then, if you happen to go on a few dates with a guy you like, you can then enter a relationship. You're mixing the two concepts which is a really limiting thing to do.
Also, you basically contradicted yourself saying "just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm looking for someone to date" when you come right back around tell your tale about how you want to figure out this "situation" with some guy who YOU WANT TO DATE. I mean... am I missing the whole boat here?
From the sounds of things, this whole post simply comes out of a frustration you have about your current situation. You whine because you have to keep telling your nosy parents that you aren't dating anyone and you have to keep turning down possible guys all because some dude can't nut up and commit to you.
Fix your situation and I bet you the question and the other guys won't bug you anymore.
there's nothing wrong with being single. i loved being single. i mean now that i have a bf, i love it too but being single gave me room to find out who i am and what i like and when looking for relationships, i weed out the things i don't like.
Thank you! I'm also "single", and very much in love with the guy that I'm more than friends with and not in a relationship with. I don't have a Facebook but on Myspace at least 5 guys try to hit on me every day. It pisses me off so much because I'm not interested in the least (and unless I'm a total bitch about it they don't stop trying), and I'm not going to change my status to "In a Relationship" because if we get to the point of calling it that, I honestly want the immature rush of changing my status and thinking "haha, my BOYFRIEND is the hottest guy in the world and he's officially MINE!".
In the mean time, I think Myspace needs to put "Unavailable" as an option for relationship status. That would help ease many of the annoyances in my online-life.
I don't mind people asking if I am single... nor do I mind answering that question.
the answer to all your questions is, no. I'm single by choice. I just like to flirt and be chased, not be in a serious relationship. I can be serious but not now. it is not be mistaken for being promiscuous because I'm not. I just love having people crush on me.