My girlfriends and I were discussing what guys' motives are when they ask you back to their place. Okay let me rephrase that. What are guys' motives when they ask you back to their place after a date or a night of drinking, late at night?
Surprisingly, some of the girls answered that he's expecting sex and they feel pressured to provide that pleasure since they went through all that "trouble" of being invited.
I mean, sure if you yourself are expecting sex also and you're an open-minded person then, perfect. But maybe he's not even expecting sex. Sex, or sexual activities may be a bonus to the guy, but not everyone anticipates it.
Expectations from certain things are important life, it can make you strive harder to reach goals. But in this case, I believe that setting one's own boundaries is more crucial. If you're really that paranoid or nervous, politely decline the invitation to his room. If you like the guy and you really do want to spend some quality time, go ahead. However, as long as you know your own limits everything will fall into place.
Let's say you trust this guy and he's not a creeper. If he really is expecting something physical (not necessarily sex) and you're open-minded about it, then he will be sure to express it (eg, you start cuddling to a movie, you gaze into each other's eyes, one of you kisses the other and the rest is history).
If you're not up for doing something, you have every right to sweetly say no (I'm sorry, I think we're taking it too fast *pout pout*).
If he's expecting something and does not let you know, don't feel bad if he's disappointed. It's not your job to read his mind and he never told you that you'd be doing something other than "seeing his etchings." If he's not anticipating anything sexual and actually wants to get to know you, you may have a keeper.
Well, unless the tables have been turned and you had hoped for some sexy time.
Now, let's make this general.
What do you think the other person expects when he/she invites you back to his/her room? What do you expect when you invite someone back to your room late at night? Any funny encounters?
Comments (20)
Goddamn I hate when guys feel like I *owe* them some action because they invited me to their place.
I feel like the best thing to do is to just put it out there early on that you're not DTF so there's no risk of anyone getting upset once you're at his place.
I wasn't aware that anyone asked their date to come over afterwards without some kind of motive... maybe not sex, but there's always a point to it.
I expect for him to say he'll blog on xanga w/ me.
@chicken_butthead@xanga - lolz
Play PS3!
My mind was always told, by the t.v., that he/she wants sex. Yes, t.v. missed me up, but art does imitate life so it is possible that he wants sex, however, he just maynot get it cause its not that type of party, didn't you get the memo before I said yes to this date in the first place. And please don't think your money that paid for my food is enough to get me mood to be screaming your name...think again player cause butt is gone get left !!
I'm one of those people who will stand awkwardly in the corner of a room if I'm uncomfortable, so I try not to go back to anyone's place unless I'm really into them. Usually I just ask a lot of questions about their stuff so that he'll want to get out of the bedroom, like "Oh! Hey! I love this poster! Are those batman bedsheets?!"
If I'm inviting a guy I'm not into back to my room, my motives are to get him to realize I'm tired and excuse himself. I'm no good at the whole "Well, it's late.. You'd better get going" conversation.
yeah of course he wants sex, but its up to you to decide whether that happens or not. but if you dont think guys expect it or want it when they ask you back to their apt, or room, youre naive.
I invite girls over to sleep, to crash if need be after one of the
usual 6am+ nights. Haven't had a problem since.
Or maybe I just
have a bunch of unsatisfied ladies leaving in the morning. Hmmmm
what if the guy outright proposes a night outing that ends back in his place? i want to believe that guys want to make friends without sexual interests too.
my college favorite is the invitation to watch a movie. lol.
A girl once wanted to come back to mine so she could meet Mildred, my cat. I thought it was just an excuse to see my penis but no - she left after some heavy petting (on the cat).
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
wat if the guy invite me over for a massage?
i think if a person invites you back after ur out drinking they def want something to happen.. maybe not going all the way.
good post. i think it's important for every girl to know that just because a guy has expectations doesn't mean u have to fulfill them. cause i've fallen into that mindset before and it's no good.
i expected it all the time, till I grew up. now, if it happens then great. but if you're really racking your brain about it, then it probably wont happen (that time). Stuff like that happens naturally.
i always assume a guy wants sex. alwaysss... maybe because i only ever invited a guy over late at night for ssssex.
Uh yeah. Basically "hanging out" is more like "fooling around" in college speak.
Then again, unless the specified hanging out is actually specified as talking (which I've done before...) Yay communication!
obviously he's expecting sex. come on ppl! if it was me inviting some guy over after a date or drinks or whatever.. at night, especially, then its safe to say I want them in the pants. the end.