Everyone has their own little quirky beliefs, often within a religious body. Perhaps because of this, many view marriage as a mandatory step in life; a sort of rite of passage.
Others tend to see the step as cementing the relationship together, as being an official communal recognition of being mutually supportive lovers.
What is the purpose of marriage for those who have no religious affiliation, and no condemnable relationship status (now that promiscuity isn't evil anymore)? Is marriage the sprawling religious ceremony, or are legal unions by a judge marriage?
Would you date someone with views/values of marriage and sex different from your own?
Lastly, does marriage itself have an inherent purpose or value? Or is all the value just attributed by social affinities (i.e., parents' and church's expectations) and disharmonies (i.e., public condemnation of your chosen relationship pursuit)?
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Comments (49)
i would date someone different. and marriage has it's own value
i like the idea of monogamous relationships, but i see no point in religious or legal marriage. i don't care for the former because i am not religious, and for the latter because i don't believe a legal document makes a relationship any more legitimate.
My husband and I have no specific religious affiliation, but marriage is still important to us. The value is up to you.
I know with me being as young as I am my views on marriage may change, so dating someone with different views wouldn't bother me.
I think if your in a committed relationship with an individual and it is going wonderfully, then why try to fix it by getting married?
I think as long as both of you are happy, then getting married or not shouldn't be a problem.
My view on marriage may be cynical, but I've never seen positive examples of marriage so to me it seems more like a legal binding contract than something of great importance.
To make it even more difficult for my SO to leave me...
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
Such a hard question. I'm going to quote a book I read about the definition of marriage for one of my classes. "Marriage is a socially legitimate sexual union begun with a public announcement undertaken with some idea of permanence and assumed with a more or less explicit marriage contract which spells out reciprocal obligations between spouses, and between spouses and their future children" So whether it is in a church or in front of a judge doesn't really matter just that it is acknowledged.
That what I feel marriage is about historically and cross culturally but times are changing. Now it is somewhat okay for a couple to not have nor want any children. They might be bugged a lot about not having any but nothing really would come from it. So the last part of the definition isn't as valid as it was 50 years ago.
Personally I believe that marriage is about the socially recognition and each spouse is responsible for each other. As long as the person I'm dating believes in that, then we are good to go.
@Kaichiturtle@xanga - I like your way of looking at it.
I believe marriage is a tie between two people. The value of marriage is the investment of your love and dedication to each other and that you would want to spend the rest of your lives together. For me, there is no religious affiliation to marriage. Just the idea of making that commitment to the one person I love, which I have no problem doing.
i don't see it as all that necessary. but, if i meet the right person, i plan on getting married for the legal recognition at least. but it has no religious meaning to me.
In terms of what marriage is in the eyes of the law, it's a certificate put in a database in the state of and is also binding financial contract -- even more of a reason to not get married for many men man despite tax benefits due to threats like alimony.
In terms of the relationship, marriage is pointless. What is the result "before" marriage? Two people. What is the result "after" marriage? Two people.
People do not understand that you can have kids and live the rest of your lives together with or without marriage. Marriage is just a traditioned hype to give people a reason to waste globs of money for a glorified ceremony.
I say that because marriage really, really means nothing at all given you can divorce for even the dumbest of reasons. Especially now in America with its high divorce rate -- it's like a divorce is on the same plane as a breakup of any relationship since in deculturalised America -- marriage isn't highly regarded anymore; a divorce is just a higher form of a breakup.
I think marriage is a form of greater promise, i.e. the "to cherish and to love through sickness and in health" etc etc
It's a way of saying "this is it. I want you, nobody else"
....and then theres divorce which is another story
The value is all social and legal. I'm getting married soon, but it's entirely for the parents, and for tax purposes. Otherwise, I'll be considered financially bound to my parents until I'm 24, and that is bullshit.
This is not to say that we do not have a lifelong commitment to each other. We absolutely do, but a marriage certificate is not necessary for us to prove that to each other.
I would recommend dating someone with different preferences than you though- it would make everything stickier at the end when they want to take that extra step and you feel it's unnecessary.
I think some men fear marriage because they don't want to be held financially liable if she gets pregnant or pay her alimony, which even without a contract, he should be helping out of personal responsibility even without laws to tell him to do the right thing. marriage is as pointless as my high school prom but I went anyway because I like to dress up and dance lol
it varies from person to person because what i think of marriage may be different from someone else. i think it's definitely ok to be with someone who has different views. it's so boring to always have the same views.
Marriage gives you a lot more legal rights than just 2 peopls in a relationship (unmarried). Married couples get tax benefits, they can call each other "family" (legally), they get hospital rights (visiting their spouse, making decisions for their spouse, etc.), and the spouse is taken care of (financially) after the partner dies. All those rights don't really apply when 2 people haven't married. So yes, marriage is important; our legal system dictates that it is.
I'm not very religious, so I don't really see marriage as holy or bringing two people closer to God, or whatever it is people believe. Marriage, to me, is when two people love each other enough to support each other at all times and don't want to live their lives without each other. They basically inspire each other to live the lives they want to live, and keep each other happy. I want to get married because I want that kind of connection with someone. Now I just have to find him...haha.
I think marraige is the ultimate form of friendship beween two people.
However I realize that the only thing about marriage religiously is that you can have sex and not be called a sinner.
Legally..i don't think marraige has any legal reasoning anymore...cause before you had to get married to you know start a family or whatnot...but know you can do whatever you like!
Um...I will not marry someone who thinks they can be married to other people besides me. or who thinks I will be locked away in a house...cause he will get the beating of his life (not literally).
He he he...
@oQduckieQo@xanga - In my post, I was making a dichotomy of what it is legally and then what it is "in terms of the relationship".
All of that you listed are not critical for the "marriage to work"; point being that marriage is not necessary to be together and also is not really held to be important either -- with the way divorces are in America. Furthermore, all that you have listed have workarounds except for tax benefits and names.
there are a lot of legal reasons to get married
@Pcgecko85@xanga - what are these legal reasons ???
@mz_d0rkabl3@xanga - I'm glad someone here isn't bashing the idea of marriage.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I dislike it when people say that, everyone seems to want to make everything more abstract. Its not about legal stuff, but more about commitment.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Yeah, but that shouldn't be anything to worry about if you sign a pre nuptial agreement. Should be a big deal if they really love you, right?
Also, if you are willing to put your love to the test, then there isn't a better way than marriage. sure, you can slide of of it, but you wouldn't be thinking of ways out unless you wanted to get out, if you know what I mean. It just takes mature people that love each other to do it.
@xXDC_luyouXx - Oh I agree 100%. You can have a committed, monogamous, long term serious relationship without ever marrying your partner. Marriage is putting a title on a committed, monogamous, long term serious relationship/
@SlackerSociety@xanga - i don't see how i am drawing an abstraction. full commitment is completely possible without a legal document. i dislike the concept of legal marriage (as previously stated), not commitment itself. i am not opposed to long-term monogamous relationships, but i balk at the idea that such relationships need validation from the church or state.
i am offended by the promiscuity comment. there are married couples who swing or have open relationship. and yeah, they're religious. and yeah, it might be "sinful" but it's also "forgivable," therefore, it's not sinful. hahaha.
just because someone does not believe in what any religious cult tells them to believe, doesn't mean they're gonna hump anything that moves. we already know that's the religious leaders' job.
what is the purpose of marriage: tax breaks and shared financial/legal responsibilities, as well as putting on a show, moving the economy from the wedding expenses, have nice pictures, presents, and a good excuse to get the day off.
@OngishLyOngLee@xanga - I don't agree with any of that you just wrote.