A friend of mine, L, who's been dating this guy for 3 months (exclusively), asked him to go with her to a wedding as her guest. He declined because he said it would be weird and that after 3 months, going to a wedding together sounds "kinda serious" to quote him.
My friend is upset and a little angry with him for declining so she decided to bring one of her platonic guy friend who's been pining after her for decades. Yes, to use HIMYM's term, the platonic guy has been on her hook for years. Her current BF is pissed at her for bringing that guy and wants to know why can't she just go to the wedding alone with her other girl friends. To L's defense, everyone going is coupled up and she's the ONLY one going stag even though she's got a boyfriend.
Is there a time line to when you can ask someone you're dating as a guest to a wedding? Is it really that serious to go to a wedding together after 3 months? Is it too soon?
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Comments (46)
It's not THAT serious to be a wedding date. They've been together three months, that's long enough, that guy is an idiot.
It depends on who's wedding. If it's a family wedding, it's most likely too soon. I mean, your entire family will be there. If it's a friends wedding, he should have accepted because it's not like he has to meet her family, just her friends.
The real question is...why is it acceptable for her to bring a PLATONIC friend to the wedding, but not her boyfriend?
Double standards. He's freaking out over nothing.
A wedding date is a step up from normal dating, I think. It makes sense both for her to want him to go, and for him to be uneasy about it. She definitely should have asked him about bringing someone else though, before just inviting a guy.
its just a wedding. nothing wrong with it
that sounds stupid to me. ever seen up in the air? clearly, you don't have to be very serious to attend a wedding. if it's her family, i understand how the situation could be stressful and awkward, but if they've been in a committed relationship for 3 months now, i would expect him to attend. or at the very least, not bitch about who i'd bring in his place.
My cuz brought her unofficial boyfriend to our third cousin's wedding. Apparently that's serious.
I personally would invite my best friend. Because he's already threatened me with that prospect. Or I'd take my brother, and we'd pretend like we hated each other. Because we're cool like that.
Three months is quite a long time. If he was THAT into her then he'd go. That's my view. I reckon couples can start doing this kind of thing on around the three month mark.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
Ha!! I asked my current boyf to a really good friend's wedding after we'd only been 'dating' about a month, before we were exclusive. The wedding took place about a week & a half after we decided to be exclusive. No, he didn't freak out (even after being subjected to 90% of my college girl friends at once) and yes, we're still together.
So, time limits be damned.
I asked a guy to a wedding after we had been dating for a month, and he was more than happy to go.
So yeah, 3 months is fine.
I asked my boyfriend of one month to go with me to my college graduation banquet last year, which was kind of a big deal to me. All of my graduating classmates and instructors were there.. and he accepted the invitation despite having to meet lots of people. I guess that is why we're still together- he's wonderful. A wedding seems less serious because it's not like THEY'RE getting married, or even suggesting the possibility. They're simply watching someone else do it - what's the big deal?
Wow. I have this same sort of issue but not really I guess. My best friend is getting married next summer and I'm a co-maid of honor. I'm in an LDR and I've been dating this guy for four months. I already asked him to be my date for the upcoming wedding and we plan to be together long-term so I didn't feel too weird about asking him this far in advance, I just felt weird about asking so early in the relationship. He said he's cool with it if he can make it though. So who knows. It probably just depends on their relationship, how close they are, and the guy.
The guy is just being a jerk...that's my 2 cents. I'd drop a douche like that, I guess my husband has me spoiled, he's never put me throught that nonsense!
I've gone to family functions and those parties where you don't know anyone for as long as I've been dating my boyfriend, it's never awkward (Israelis are the-fucking-best when it comes to being friendly and social). I was one of his best friends prior to that, and even if we hadn't been, it's still not that big of a deal. You make a lot of new friends, dance, have fun, and if you don't like weddings then nut up, shut up, and have your free food, drinks, and cake.
He's probably just a pussy. Tell your friend to kick her man's ass.
There is no timeline really. If he's not comfortable with it then he's not comfortable with it.
Personally, it's just a fucking wedding. What's the big deal if he goes? This goes the other way though, why is everyone so hung up on going to a wedding with a date? Seriously? I don't get it.
I was a groomsman in my brother's wedding over the summer. Did I feel mandated to bring a date? Fuck no, so I didn't.
It's a wedding date. Not her wedding. Jesus christ, some men are really seriousophobic..
I consider it not that serious... unless of course you ARE the couple getting married. Some guys are just afraid of marriage and anything close to it.
@raedium@xanga - Agreed.
@raedium@xanga - hell yeah, agreed
@makerm7@xanga - totally agreed
Eh.. I don't think it's that big of a deal. He should just go, particularly since she'll otherwise be alone due to the fact that everyone else is bringing a date.
My question is... "Why the fuck is she taking her best guy friend who LIKES her in his place?" I feel that's a somewhat touchy thing to do in regard to her friend's feelings.
At that certain time when I was with my ex for about 7 months, we went to my cousin's wedding together. It was fun. Another wedding, after me and my ex broke up, I went with a close friend. People often say that weddings are serious things to take someone to and that some will freak out. Currently, for me, I wish to attend my SO's coworker's wedding in July and I'm saving up to get another ticket out to Vancouver to do so. I do admit that I get jealous and would like her to go only with me or just a friend that's a girl. A certain insecurity I guess.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - Hey I'm with you on this one. I personally wouldn't want to go to a wedding if I didn't know those people and would hope someone else will take that consideration with me. I've been nagged and suckered into going as dates and it's pretty F-ing boring when you're the only asshole who doesn't know anyone and get all the inside jokes. Weddings are fun when you know people you're sitting with and get to bullshit around with.
i wouldve thought itd be ok. & if he wasnt okay with it i'd bring a platonic friend too, probably one "on the hook" HIMYM FOR THE WIN! lol
@HollowTendencies@xanga - I agree.
I read this and thought how moronic.