Tuesday, 16 March 2010
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Datingish Advice: Picking Up the Check
My boyfriend and I always take each other out on dates. Although I have friends who have boyfriends that do not usually allow their girls to pay for a dinner or movie, I think that's quite a hefty investment especially if he doesn't have a steady job/career. Chivalry is always nice, but what are your thoughts in paying or taking your SO out on a date?
Share your advice at Datingish Advice: Who should pick up with check?
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Comments (31)
I don't mind splitting the bill, or even paying for the whole thing...just not every time. I had a boyfriend that never paid for anything despite having a job, which left me to use my savings to foot the bill every time as I didn't have a job. I also feel kind of strange letting someone else pick up the tab all the time, which is why I typically offer to either pay half or offer to pay for something else if we're doing multiple things in one night (like he pays for dinner, but I pay for a movie)
my boyfriend always pays
from what i've seen with my guy friends, they WANT to pay and don't really let girlfriends or girl friends pay for them
Hahaha, guys do NOT want to pay. We just want you to think we do so you'll fannyrub us.
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Should that not be *cheque.
I can't help it!
Oh and, I always go halfsies. Or if he insists, then I just pay next time and force him to shut up and accept it. (:
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - i'm with you there...i also got myself used by a guy who could have afforded it, and now i'm uncomfortable with someone paying for everything...i just know how it made me feel and i don't want to do that to someone else. makes me uncomfortable to be spoiled i guess, lol.
i always offer to help pay for things, or take my SO out and won't let him pay at all sometimes :) not very often though, he always tries to keep me from paying.
Whenever I'm visiting the boyfriend, he pays, when he comes up here, I pay (most of the time). Sine there's a 3 1/2 drive involved for us to see each other, we always treat the other to dinner or whatever.
i usually split unless they insist i have no problem paying for myself, i mean i do it on the daily anyway.
We split it most of the time. If one of us pays entirely for something, the other usually insists on getting whatever it is we do next time.
Expecting someone to get it all of the time is kind of silly unless they're substantially more well off than you. But basically, don't take someone on a date you can't afford or aren't willing to pay for.
It should be noted that this is about paying while in a committed relationship and not a first date [read 'boyfriend' up top].
@swtaznxtc90@xanga - each guy is different just like how each girl is different.
When the cheque arrives, it's always a bit of a mind game:
The boyfriend could feel either like he is being taken advantage of or... that he REALLY needs to pay to make a good impression despite possibly not wanting to pay. Society ordains that the guy pays by default -- a tradition existing since before "equality".
The girlfriend might not want to pay because she doesn't want to insult the guy or... she REALLY is taking advantage of him by expecting him to heed society's traditions.
What peeves me off the most is when a girl does the "fake reach" -- reaching for the cheque with no intention of paying at all. A few times I called a few girls out on it and had them pay; they usually act cool about paying -- and they were fighting me to pay. However, afterwards they'd complain to their friends that I was "cheap" despite said fighting me to pay. The irony here is that if they don't pay "it's OK" due to society. If I don't pay, I'm "cheap".
I think it's nice when girls treat their SO out to dinner or movie once in a while. Just because they are men, doesn't mean that they have to pay for everything and let the princesses slide away with getting free dinners and movies.
We take turns. If one can't really pay then we pay for the other.
We had an open discussion on this topic and we concluded that most of the time he'll pay, but I'll pay whenever I feel like it's been quite unequal. Usually I pay for the food when he makes the long drive to visit me, but he'll pay when we make special plans to eat out or when we do stuff together. We're both students still, so I still try to pay and he doesn't object. It's best to put this stuff in the open - at least expectations are out in the table. And if you're in a committed relationship especially, I would think that talking about this isn't as taboo as it might seem for someone on a first date obviously.
no, chivalry is not nice. their boyfriends "don't allow" them to pay? how magnanimous of those gentlmen to cover the charge. eye roll.
taking turns is nice. the person making more money could treat now and then, but it should be shared.
Once I'm steadily dating someone, we tend to take turns picking up the tab when we go out. This also happens with guys who just take me out as friends; one of us pays for dinner, the other pays for the movie.
i think its only fair to spilt expenses. one pays for dinner one pays for whats after dinner. or one buys one nite and the next time the other person buys. theres no reasons why only one person should pay each time.
taking turns to pay isnt that bad either?
for me, it's either we split or one treats the other one and then we flip. it's always been like that for my relationships unless he's feeling good and he's treating.
Me and my boyfriend have been together six months and he will not let me pay for a thing.
I will have the money in my hand and we will literally fight to get to the cashier first.
I love him, and beg him to let me pay because it always feels like i'm a hassle and he's paying a lot of money week after week.
But I guess if it drained him that bad he wouldn't keep insisting on paying.
I am broke, and even then i avoid having her paid for most things ... Until... it comes down to selling my last kidney
I offer to help pay but he often pushes my hand away from opening my purse and insists on paying so I let him. I don't have that much money and nor does he. I think he doesn't want me to tell my friends that he is cheap so guys pay to keep their image. I don't expect him to pay all the time but if he wants to treat dinner then I'll treat for movie tickets.
Well, my boyfriend lost his job at the end of October. He just got hired at a new job yesterday thankfully! :D Over the past four and a half months or so, we split the checks on dinner dates. We dont go to dinner often, but when we do, we just both pitch in for our meals. Or we get one large meal to share together and both pitch in for that. Movies are easy since I work at a movie theatre and we get in for free. So, for the most part, it hasnt been so horrible. But rather than making the same person(the one with more money) pay every single time, we just do our best to split it or pay each other back here and there. Now that he is going to start working again, hopefully we will be able to have more special dates and hopefully once in a blue moon, he will treat me(like for a bday or anniversary etc., not talking all the time).
I've always felt like she should at least offer to go halfsies. Of course, he'll decline, but every once in a while, it's nice to have someone else pick up the tab.
I think it should be whoever did the asking. If the girl hollers, "hey hon, let's get some lunch" then the girl should pay and vice versa
god, if it were up to me, i'd never pay. where the fuck do people find guys like that?
so, basically my fiance has decided it is always his job to pay, which is great, but consequently we RARELY go out, so sometimes when I am just dying to do something I'll force him to and let me pay for it. Kind of like, whoever had the idea pays for it, but it is pretty sweet later when he tries to pay me back or insists that he owes me one now. And since I find it so nice that he does that I try to be the same way.
And I saw on Tyra a relationship expert said that going halfsies is bad for a relationship. One person should always get the bill whether that be the guy or the girl because it becomes a gesture of affection a.k.a a gift, rather than a business deal where each person is independent of the other and establishes a relationship that doesn't feed off of each other.
Also as a server I hate when my people have a knock down drag out fight over who is the most generous and is going to get the bill. One person is bribing you to give the bill to them and the other person is slapping their hands away, and everyone is smiling but getting pretty fierce. I always want to say, "Here is the deal--you pay for the meal, and you pay an equal amount for the tip. Then everyone wins and feels fabulous about themselves!"
So please don't get obnoxious next time you go out and face this issue.