Monday, 15 March 2010
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Would You Lend Your SO Money?
So my boyfriend is in school, and he has a part time job because he pays for his own tuition through working. However, his grades suffer from all the time spent traveling to and from work and of course from working. I care about him a lot and want to see him improve his grades, and I am considering giving him some financial aid.
I am also in school, but since my parents pay for my tuition and living expenses, I have enough in my savings to lend him $2000 for a couple of years without completely emptying out my bank account. Note: this is money that I earned through working, not my parents' money. Once I graduate, I'm on my own financially, so this savings is my jump start on life, but I still have 2 years until I graduate. Meanwhile, I am still working and earning money while being a full time student.
It's definitely not my responsibility to help him out with his problem, but I want to help out without hurting our relationship. I have heard about a couple of girls who work to support their boyfriends until they get back on their feet, so is this the same? Is it stupid of me to lend him this huge sum of money at this point, thinking that he can do better in school and ultimately land a better job? Will this hurt our relationship in any way?
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Comments (42)
My ex lent me money to pay for my deposit on my housing when I started university. It was before I started, before my loans came through and I really needed it. I didn't ask, he offered. It was his own savings for his next year of car insurance.
We broke up and I still paid him back at the first opportunity I had. I think go for it, lend him money, he'll really appreciate it and you'll get it back as soon as he can afford it.
Although, my ex only lent me £200. And $2000 is a lot of money... Perhaps you could suggest lending him half that and suggest he gets help from relatives or something as well?
hrm...ive given my SO 100 bucks to help with a bill now and then...but I dont know about 2000 dollars....i mean. 500 maybe a bit more... because once you get into the thousands you're just asking for trouble... but then I suppose you have to think about how quickly you will make that money back because one you graduate you're really going to be grateful for that money.
jus mah 2 centsss
Some guys would get very offended if their girlfriend lent them money, that's just something to keep in mind. (Read: don't get very hurt if he turns you down. Yes, you're trying to be nice, but it may hurt his pride.)
My general rule of thumb regarding money lending with friends is to just consider it a gift. If they pay you back, awesome, but never let money become a divisive problem with you and a friend/SO. If you feel good enough about your relationship with your SO to give this to them, then go for it. Personally, this would be something I would do.
It depends. I'd say no more than $200 though.
I'm always wary of lending people money, probably because most of the people I know rarely, if ever, pay me back. It took my roommate 2 months to pay me back for the rent she owed me and that was only $400 (which I needed very badly, as I barely had enough money to cover my own portion of the rent).
If you want to give him the money, that's your own personal decision and nothing people on the internet can tell you will deter you from doing it if your mind is made up. Just keep in mind that if you break up, he might not be as quick to give you back the money as you were to give it to him. It may or may not hurt your relationship - depends on how he views the situation. Honestly, I think you should discuss it with him, not with us.
I'd do it and I have done it. But I wouldn't make it a habit.
My ex, was an ex at the time too, asked to borrow money and I gave it to her, but doing something like that would have to depend on the relationship between you two. Though we were broken up we were still mature enough to not have bad feelings toward each other just because it was over.
If I was in your situation, I wouldn't lend my SO the money. I worked part-time through college and still earned straight A's. The trick is not sleeping. Harsh but true. There is no guarantee his grades will improve if he quits his job. He may just spend the extra time on video games.
I have, however, lent my SO a large sum of money to help him pay his bills but he continued working.. I didn't give him a free pass to quit. He was also a full-time student.
If you're really concerned, you could suggest he cut back his work hours and you'll lend him the difference in his paycheck. Or you could just pick up the tab whenever you go out. I frequently pay for our dates because my SO has more expenses.
I never lend anyone money.
I don't like lending money to people in general especially large amount. I know friends have ruin relationship over this so, I made a rule not to lend money to friends or boyfriend unless it's an emergency. In your case it's not an emergency. Besides do you want to regret this couple years later if your boyfriend decides to break you heart and don't pay back.?
I heard that you should never lend money with expectations of seeing it again.
However, I think it depends... on how long you've been together, how much you trust each other, what type of person he is (if he lives up to his word and is appreciative)... and much more.
All this taken into account, I would do it for mine.
i would only lend if we're really serious.
@wideopenskies@xanga - agreed.
i would. cause my SO spends on me too
it could hurt it in the long run if he doesn't improve in school. a part time job really shouldn't have that much of an effect on your schoolwork unless you have a really rigorous courseload, so he could just be using that as an excuse, and it would be sad to see you waste your money, especially if you two ended up breaking up before he "moved on with his life" and got a better job.
on the other hand, my boyfriend has lent me money (not nearly that much) and i've been so grateful, and would do the same for him. you never know, it could be just what he needs, so in the end i suppose it's up to you to weigh the pros and cons.
I have a friend who was broke and needed a car badly so he could go to work. His girlfriend gave him $3000.00 upfront. If it wasn't enough that she was giving a sizeable chunk to him on the spot, she also... never, never, ever once brought it up or ever expected him to pay her back.
Now that is love!
money tears even the closest people apart so no i wouldnt lend money...except to my parents. they'll always be the exception.
@wideopenskies@xanga - agreed also.
i haven't often lent my boyfriend money, but i'll cover groceries for the week or bills if he just can't make ends meet sometimes. (we live together, so these things also usually benefit me as well).
he's also helped me out financially when i've had money problems.
it doesn't seem to have hurt our relationship in any way, because we are both financially independent and have enough substance to our relationship that neither of us has to worry that our relationship is just based on finances alone.
i don't think you should just hand over the $2000, but instead give small amounts or take him out grocery shopping on your dime, etc. people tend to go through money faster when it isn't earned, is all. it's human nature, especially at younger ages, so as to not get your feelings hurt if he blows through it and to not put added stress, don't doll out huge sums like that. a couple hundred here and there shouldn't be too much of a problem, though.
just be careful how you approach it. some people are really sensitive about money.
@supaflychikn@xanga - a part time job may not be too hard for most people, but speaking from personal experience, it definitely can be really rough on some. personally, i have a lot of other stressors besides school, so adding even a part-time job to the mix completely overloads my mind and i'm incapable of doing much else, though that's probably due to my ADHD :)
i lent my ex 40 bucks and i thought that was a lot =.=
I would not loan anyone, family or friends, money. Not even emergencies. Learn from adversity, otherwise no amount of money I could give would fascillitate the change needed to grow.
Never lent my SO any money, somehow she's always found a way to figure things out on her own (thankfully).
To be honest, I think this will fuck up your relationship with your boyfriend. This is a big sign that you are capable of supporting him and he will take advantage of that. I been there. I thought that I should help him for the problems my ex-boyfriend caused himself. You know, phone bills, insurence, you name it, I got it...... I felt bad because he was telling me that I had the money and he needed help and I yet to help him out....
Money fucks every relationship up. I dunno.... maybe that's ust my ex.... but thats completely up to you.
thing about lending money.
to be absolutely comfortable with lending your SO money, you can't really expect them to pay you back
that's just what i think whether it be your SO, friend, family, etc.
Do not lend money that you cannot comfortably say goodbye to.
Anything could happen over however many years you're talking about (if he's still around by then). It could harm the relationship for any number of reasons, and it will do more harm than good. Even if he is the most awesome guy who you trust to pay you back every cent - now he has to deal with the pressure of owing you money. I don't know about you, but I hate borrowing even twenty bucks from a mate, let alone thousands. And if he moves on - how do you go getting it back if you break up? Once you've lent him the money, what if he just squanders it (since it's now his to do with as he pleases) It's risky.
If I have the money, I rather give it as a gift as opposed to a loan, cos then it's not a constant issue.
Your boy needs time management, not money. There are other ways to show your support.
@Shy___Away@xanga - Word. I wouldn't be offended, but I would still say no either way.
On the other hand I would give my gf as much money as I could at the drop of a hat, which I've done before without question. So dunno. I would do it, doesn't cause me any problems on a relationship. But taking money from your gf is something guys are trained from an early age not to do because if you do you're less of a man. A good argument though (if you're in it for the long haul) is that eventually your money and his money will be the same so it doesn't really make a difference either way.
I unfortunately support my laze-ass boyfriend. =\