Sunday, 14 March 2010
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Age of Consent Concerns
I've been in a relationship for over 7 months with my boyfriend and everything is going great even though it's a LDR (we get to see each other every two months until he gets back for summer). We get along great, we're open and honest with each other, and we're head over heels. He's the kind of guy that opens doors for me, remembers anniversaries better than I do, and insists on paying for everything. He's always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to. He's more than I could have ever asked for or imagined. I love him more than anything in this world and he feels the same way.
There's only one so called "problem": He's 18 and I'm 16. Don't get me wrong, he's not the slimeball creeper you all are thinking of with bling and a gold tooth. Quite the opposite. He's very intelligent; he started going to college when he was 17 (His dad was literally a rocket scientist but didn't think it was challenging enough of a job. He now designs missiles. See what I mean?). He's the shy, funny, artistic, musical, trustworthy, loyal and as I've said before, he's very respectful and caring of me.
Obviously the topic of having sex has come up once or twice. I'm on birth control and we've made it clear to each other that we'd want to be 100% safe if the situation did arise. Our only concern is that if we do "do it" and someone finds out and gets mad at him, he'll pretty much be considered a pedophile for the rest of his life. I'm not pressuring him and he's not pressuring me. I can fully understand and respect why the age of consent law was made.
The upside is that I turn 17 (the age on consent in my state) in a little over 6 months but we can both kind of tell that it'll be very hard to hold off until then. I'm sure anyone who's ever been with anyone knows how it is. "One thing leads to another and the next thing you know..." yeah.
In an ideal world without hormones and temptation, we'd have no problem holding off until I turn 17. But if we did do it do you think it's likely he'd get in trouble?
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Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 4875 Comments: 0 133 View all posts by another_diamond_in_the_rough@xanga
Comments (87)
He will get in trouble if someone finds out about it and it could be a lot worse than just being known as a pedo, seriously, there is a chance he would go to jail for that. I say if you two love each other like you say you do then you will make the effort to wait. You don't want him in jail do you?
better safe than sorry?
6 months isn't too long anywayWait until you're the legal age of consent, he could get into a LOT of trouble if he's caught. It's just six months. And honestly, I know that I wasn't mature enough at 16 to make that sort of decision.
Depending on the state, you could be legal now actually. I know in my state that the age of consent to have sex with any adult is sixteen. HOWEVER, anyone under the age of consent is technically allowed to have sex as long as the sex is consensual and their partner is within three years of their age. So since he's within two years of your age, you might want to check up on that detail.
I'm just stating facts. Be safe, no matter what you decide.
Sweetheart, you would be much better off waiting. No only should you wait so that you're legal, but you should wait because you need to be one hundred percent sure you want to have sex with him. Do not get me wrong, I am not preaching about anything along the lines of abstinence. That would be the pot calling the kettle black, so to speak. In any case, make sure you know that he is someone you want to sleep with.
WAIT THOUGH! >_<; And really think hard on what you want to do, hun. I would hate for your boyfriend to go to jail because you two were being ignorant.
In some states, it's okay as long as there isn't more than a four year age difference. Check?
wow that's interesting. In my state age of consent is 16. and they can only date someone over 18 if it's within a 4 year age difference. But in your situation, I don't think it's a big deal. You're only 2 years apart so its nothing that someone's gonna call the authorities on as. As long as your parents are okay with him, then you'll be fine.
if you get caught; yes, he can get in trouble. it's not worth it. (but if you must, just don't get caught, lol.)
Huh? I would never think a relationship between a sixteen year old and an eighteen year old would be considered slimy.
When my boyfriend turned eighteen a few years ago, I was only fifteen. Of course, I eventually turned sixteen (haha) which put me in your situation.
But really- two years isn't bad at all! I have a friend who is eighteen and dating a twenty eight year old.
And I'm not sure on this, but I'm think he can only "get in trouble" if your parents or guardians press charges.
Also, how will anyone find out? I mean jeesh, me and my boyfriend keep that stuff on total lockdown confidentiality top-secret status, even after over three years of dating.
Oh yea, I guess I should tell you to "wait". But lets be honest, sex is natural and as long and you seem like you'd be mature and responsible about it. Maybe wait a few more months to know him better (yet I know that even though seven months isn't a long time, it is a more than a sufficient amount of time to get to know someone in a relationship), but it's not like you're going to gain massive amounts of maturity and understanding between the half year until you turn seventeen.
And I started college when I was seventeen, does that make me intelligent :D? Haha..
"Don't get me wrong, he's not the slimeball creeper you all are thinking of with bling and a gold tooth." Anyone who would think that is ridiculous. Just saying... it's only 2 years. I really don't think it's that big of a deal, but, I don't know, maybe you should just wait. Do what you want though.
@FallenReign@xanga - The Romeo and Julia laws, right?
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I was going to say check if your state does have the above mentioned laws. They were created so that not every guy [or girl] gets punished for having sex with a minor [since Romeo was said to be 16 and Julia 13 - which I find sickening, but the idea is that if there's only a slight difference between your age and his age and it IS consensual, then he should not be punished]. However, only a few states have that law. Also, if your parents dislike him, I would really advise against it, since if they find out, they can press charges against him and ruin his life forever - unless your state has the R&J laws. I mean, the truth is - it's only two years [my boyfriend's 2 years older than me, but I was 17 and he was 19 when we met and in my state it was fine, plus my mother didn't mind], it's nothing tragic, but legally, it can screw him over...
I would say either wait those 6 months, or do the deed but make sure no one finds out until you're old enough.
I'm sure you're a great gal, but if he does get caught for fooling around with you and he won't be excused then he can face very serious problems in the future [such as becoming a registered sex offender which later can prevent him from getting a good job or even time in jail / prison] all because he couldn't keep it in his pants for 6 months.
I'd say keep it in your pants. I promise it won't kill you. I was only 18 when I first had sex and it really shouldn't be so important to you - or him, especially him that he'd risk his future life for it.
Also, not to be a writing nazi, but how exactly does he remember anniversaries when you've only been together for 7 months? No offense.
Seriously?
this is a stupid post.
@heroes_and_sociopaths@xanga - I kind of thought so, too. xD
You said you're only seeing each other every two months as it is due to distance, so it doesn't seem like waiting another six months would be difficult. Personally, I wouldn't risk it.
No one will care. Hate to put it like that but it's true. My boyfriend and I were in an LDR and no one gave a shit when he came to see me (he was 21 and I was 16). I mean, as soon as people see him IRL it'll take the edge off of it. 18 and 16 is honestly practically NOTHING to worry about. FYI I live with him now...but yeah.
Just wait. It's not as hard as people make it out to be. I'm in a relationship with a 21 year old and I'm 18. I've been in the relationship for 2 years. If we were able to wait, you'll be able to.
uhh well it depends on your state. in my state I'm pretty sure age of consent is 16, as long as you're having sex with someone who is no more than 4 years older than you. then at age 18 you're fine.
how the hell is anyone going to find out? I've been having sex for 3 years and my entire family still thinks I'm a virgin.
Just hold off. You know the laws and how they work. So why bother asking whether it's "okay" to technically violate the law?
Uh, that's not even illegal, NATIONALLY. xD If you're less than two years apart in age, no problem. My fiance and I are a year and a half apart and he was 18 when I was 16 and no one batted an eye. I seriously agree with whoever said this was a stupid post.
There's a very simple solution to this problem. Have sex and keep it to yourselves. Don't tell people you're fucking, lie about it. It's no ones business anyways what two consenting individuals are doing in the bedroom. Use discretion and don't get knocked up.
I'm sorry, but why would anyone find out unless you told them or were very indiscreet about the actual act?
I would check the laws in your state to make sure it doesn't give you some kind of "out" because you two only have a two year age difference. But even if there isn't, come on - how are people going to find out? And seriously, how in the world can they even think to press charges unless they actually catch you IN the act? Geez.
Good luck, sweetie. Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, and if it's what you want to do, then do it. Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and not simply because you're horny.
i don't know about you, but in my hometown, 16 year olds are allowed to have consensual sex with 17 and 18 year olds. and plus, the only way it would be a problem is if your parents decided to press charges.
sometimes 17 year olds is the age of consent in the area. just depends on where you live.
My bf and I live in NY, and I was 16 and he was 18 when we started fooling around. No one found out, I eventually turned 17, and everything was okay. Just make sure your parents are okay with it, since if they really hate the fact, they'd be the ones to press charges or anything.
i don't get the dad thing at all.
and uh honestly between 16 and 18 aren't that big of gaps. i think you're being a bit dramatic.
I doubt it. I mean I guess it depends on your area, but where I live I'm sure there are hundreds of kids breaking that rule, and I've never known anyone getting caught for it.
My only concern though is whether you're ready; have you guys fought? talked about what you want for your future? talked about what you'd do if you did have a kid? Because it's a LDR, you probably miss out on lots of everyday experiences with each other, and although you feel you are and may very well be in love, there's no gurantee it'll last forever, and you'll have to live with your decision if he's not the one.