From time to time we make mistakes. That's life--we can't execute every single action with perfection. The good thing about making mistakes is that we can learn, adapt and change from them. However, some mistakes may be prevented if we just think about our actions carefully and ahead of time. Here are four common issues:
Mistake #1: Trying to Change Your PartnerIn some cases, trying to change a person seems to be some kind of fantasy, especially if you unintentionally change your SO in a positive way. Of course, that's great. Sometimes people drop their bad habits or change their ways when the right person comes along. Sometimes, everybody wants to be that right person.
This doesn't always work out.
There are people who will compromise. But ultimately, your SO shouldn't change because you ask them too, he or she should change because he/she is ready or
wants to. If you are the one trying to change your partner, resentment may develop and the parter may question if you really appreciate him/her for who he/she is.
Mistake #2: Moving Too Fast/ Talking About Commitment Way (waaaay) Too SoonMost people don't rush into relationships because they are desperate. They don't even rush into it at all, actually. But if you do happen to get caught up in the whirlwind of romance, watch out. Going from independent to totally dependent on a person needs time and effort.
It's good to ease into a relationship slowly and take time to get to know your partner. It is not a good idea for you to be reaching for clues in the dark whether your date/SO has thought about a serious future together. Suggesting long-term commitment may exert unnecessary pressure and if it's meant to be, both you and your partner will know when to talk about a future together.
Mistake #3: Assuming Your Partner Can Read Your MindSure, once you spend a lot of time with one person you begin to play "fill in the blanks."However, even if you can finish off each other's sentences or know that the other person wants some lovin' just by the look in his or her eyes, you can't expect your partner to clearly read your mind without you explaining what you want.
Maybe you've spent 8 years with the same person, you still can't assume the other person will know exactly what to do or how to respond because people themselves can change and change the way they communicate. Effective communication is key.
Mistake #4: It's Your Partner's Job to Make You HappyYour partner may be your other half, or the world to you, or sufficient in providing all your wants in needs. But in order for your partner to make you happy, you need to be happy with yourself first. Love does not depend totally on the other person. Sometimes he or she cannot fulfill all your wishes.
Have you even fallen into the trap of one of these? What are some other common relationship mistakes people make?
Comments (95)
Number 4's a big one.
Hm... #2 and some of $4. And #1 when I'm feeling like I can do anything! mwahaha... I always lost the bouts. ):
I agree with all of these. I guess this can fall in with #3 but it should stand out, Lack of Communication. I mean if you dont talk about things, how will your relationship last? Assumptions can lead to not so good situations.
I try to avoid mistake #2 by being committed but casual (meaning letting things flow). If we appear committed seriously after a few months, then I may bring up long term issues. By that time, the thrill of just meeting dies down & we've gotten to know each other & we're comfortable talking about personal things. It annoys me when I see young people or even people my age or older talking about marriage & kids when they're only been together a few weeks.
I'm NOT saying you cant find love & decide right then & there but that's way too soon in my opinion to be talking about that. After a few weeks, what can you know besides their cell number & favorite color? Now if you decide to be seriously committed early on then date a while before marriage, that's different. When I mean fast, I mean Khloe & Lamar fast! I wish them all the best but I dont see how you know each other well enough for marriage after a MONTH!
i got caught up in mistake number two. but i feel like lots of high school relationships are like that
#4, some of #2
#1 happend to me. i ended up changing my looks and style because of what he said
i like the look now, its just the fact he said something about my style back then. i thought i looked fine at the time and now, i still think i looked fine back then
THANK. YOU. I thought I was the only person who thought this way. -_-
Especially number 2 and 4.
#2 is so important. My ex told me he wanted to marry me, he went and looked at rings and everything..After 2 years I guess that's acceptable but it really freaked me the fuck out. We didn't last very long after that.
#1 is iffy... My current SO was a total drunk when we first met. Went to the bar literally on a daily basis. After he cheated on me at a bar, I said its either the bar or me.. you pick. Ultimatums are no fun but are sometimes necessary. He hasn't been at a bar in a long time and everything is a lot better now. :)
I've been guilty of #1, but more with a crush than an actual SO. He was doing a lot of drugs and I had a HUGE crush on him, and I thought that if he just quit doing drugs, we could date and we'd fall madly in love and live happily ever after. Doesn't quite work that way...
i only agree with #3 and #4.
#1 I don't think you should only be with someone because you think they have the potential to be right for you if they change, i don't think you should base your love for someone on the possibility that they will change, but I do think that a good relationship is one that is full of challenge and building each other up and pushing each other to be the best they can be. which sometimes means helping them change. example: you meet a guy that smokes and you don't really see yourself with someone who smokes long term, but you tell yourself if i date him i can get him to quit. i don't agree with that, because quite frankly there is a huge chance he never will. but if you get with a guy who smokes and out of concern for his health and quality of life you help him stop smoking--there is nohting wrong with that. that is a healthy grown up relationship.
I don't agree with #2 because I feel like pointless dating is a waste of time, emotions, and heart space. if you don't look at a guy and see yourself with him in the future then something tells me he isn't right for you now either, so summing someone up for lasting future qualities is a better gage for the present than any other. and talking about it? why be pathetic and insipid and not be able to talk about what you are feeling and thinking because it could scare someone off. you are who you are and pretending to be otherwise for fear of being thought of as "scary" can only lead to a less than fulfilling relationship because a) you'll never be able to be yourself and talk about your real feelings or b) you won't be able to contain who you really are and eventually he is going to wonder why you changed and wonder who on earth you are and why.
Great list
I'm still working on 3 haha, even though we talk a LOT about everything.
#1... And that's not to say you should stifle your opinions completely. If you have a major problem with your SO's habits, I don't think it's wrong of you to tell them so. This may work as future motivation when they do decide to change. However, trying to force them into anything will just put stress on your relationship. And if they don't want to stop, they won't.
and #2... At first we were both looking a lot into the future and wanting to be committed... and eventually it started to make him freak out a little. And now it's making me freak out a lot. And I don't know what to do. :(
And #3 and #4 also apply. Geez... :(
#1. He was so old yet so immature and childish. I was trying to help him not change him.
#4 is pretty awesome! It is your partner's job to make you happy but in a way you should also do your part in making yourself happy and content.
people try and #1 me... if you dont like me then dont date me. the problem is.. the whole time they say how amazing i am and how much they love me, but then they have issues with this this this and this and wanna change me
so true.
I just want him to take me out more than once every 6 months or so...is that mistake #1?:(
haha i would have to say i am guilty for all of the above.. lol
I didn't know what to expect coming into this, but these are all 100% correct. I've never really done any myself, but I have had them done to me.
@Jane - I feel exactly the same way on #2!
It's a waste of time and emotion and attachment to not think when you start dating him "Hey, this could work." That's kinda the point! :)
they're all very true. moral of the story? don't be dependent on her/him.
I think changing someone can sometimes be for the better. for instance, when my boyfriend and i got together, he was into drugs and chewing tobacco. he's not now, but he says he's happy he changed. I didn't force it on him, but i did have some effect in it.
I completely agree with all four of these points! Great post to remind us of the most common dating dangers.
Mistake #3.
In my defense, the guy was (still is) emotionally constipated. So for about two years or so, I was patient with trying to figure out his emotions and such. I succeeded, but it was tiring at the same time.
I didn't ask for much. But I hoped that after being together for a little over two years, he would know what and what not to do.
Communication is key, but most of it is nonverbal. I think that's where we fell apart. He either failed to read, or just didn't make the effort.