Friday, 12 March 2010
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Phones and Dating
So I called the guy I'm with a couple nights ago for the first time, and when it comes to phones, I swear I'm the worst at coming up with a conversation, much less keeping the conversation going. We talked for two hours total (there were a few intervals here and there where one of us had to get off) but now I'm wondering; When exactly is it appropriate to call him back? Or even call at all?
The sick part of society nowadays is that if a girl calls a guy too much they appear needy, but when a guy calls a girl all the time, it's sweet. I don't understand this unfortunate double-standard, but it exists.
So what should be the rules of phone calls to your partner? Does it really matter?
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Comments (25)
my last girlfriend would never call me -_-
wtf....lol
but hey, its all good xD
i would LOVE for a girl to call me alot. maybe not like
ALL THE FREAKING TIME
but once a week is nice. or maybe once a day.
look, just being called by someone who i care about is really nice =]
Don't be bound by thoughts of what he might think. This is YOUR life. Do what you want to do, always.
Haha I feel like I'll be labeled the crazy chick even with one phone call. It's nerve-wracking.
It's cool to have the person think of you a lot and what not, but there are times they need to back off just a tad. O.o ya know?
#1 - Know when it's actually appropriate to call him/her. (i.e. Not okay: Incessant calls to his/her work, calls in the middle of the night, hourly calls just to say you miss him/her, etc.)
#2 - Understand when he/she probably cannot talk to you right now. (i.e. If he/she does not pick up, good chance he/she is busy, does not mean you should bomb call him/her every 5 mins.)
#3 - Get the "hint". (i.e. He/She doesn't call you back, fails to follow through on promises, gives you too much of vague answers, etc.)
When my fiance and I didn't live together, I almost always called first. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, just be honest with each other about when/how long you're comfortable with calling.
i love phone calls texting is so lame and everything is cryptic you cant tell if they are joking serious or not interested. I like hearing people's voices and if they can hold a convo with me that's even better. i feel like people forgot how to speak.
You should be able to tell if hes not interested in talking, but guys usually don't like talking on the phone anyway
I just text to be on the safe side. I definitely don't text too much either.
I finally found a guy who likes to call though. I love it. .<33
With my previous boyfriends, they would just text me, and when they wanted to hang out, they would text me when they arrive. Basically, if I didn't have text, I swear I wouldn't have had a relationship with them, lmfao.
@goofball4@xanga - Totally agreed. Good advice hun.
1. If he doesn't answer when you call, WAIT for him to call back. He'll see the missed call, so the ball is in his court now.
2. Get a feel for what his day-to-day is like, and figure out when good/bad times to chit-chat are. Respect the busy times always.
3. If he never calls back when he says he will, is vague, acts unintersted but "says" he is via text etc...I'd abort the mission.
4. I'd say calling once a day is nice, or even just a few times a week (like maybe 3 times or so). This does not make you needy sweetheart, you're just interested :) He should feel lucky and thought-of.
Once you get in the swing of things with him, you'll get a feel for calling/text/contact habits you two form. Good luck! Hang in there.
-sara
I get nervous even calling once a day. I usually let them do all the calling.
Unless it's really important...or he tells me to call.
I get that way about texting too thought.
I let him text me first, since he's in the marines his schedule changes often.
It makes me feel less naggy that way.
You can call twice without him calling you back. Then it's his turn. Them's the rules. Sorry.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
I had no idea that talking to a boyfriend on the phone had so many rules. With the exception of the current guy I'm with, I've talked to all my previous boyfriends on the phone usually at least twice a day every day of the week...and I've never been labelled as needy or crazy.
The only reason why I don't talk to the current guy I'm with on the phone is because his minutes are crazy limited and I usually see him 4/7 days of the week. On days we don't see each other we talk on AIM until all hours of the night.
i love calling people, but i'm also very scared of annoying the crap out of people. to make up for my annoying constant contact, i always ask them if they are annoyed of my calls. i see what you mean though by that whole phone call rule. i like getting calls from the people i care about. if i were in a relationship with someone i would tell them beforehand if it was cool if i'm a phone-ing sort of person, and ask them whether or not they have a problem with that. just a thought x_x.
@saral102@xanga - *sizzle* :)
My fiance and I talk every night on the phone and we usually alternate who calls. Years ago he always called me first..I don't think it really matters though. If you want to talk, then call.
My ex and I used to text all the time during the day just to see how eachothers days were going and then at night he would usually call me for a few hours before bed (i never got to call him though because he lives an hour and a half away and there was long distance and I didn't have a plan)
At first I was always afraid that I was txting him to much,but once you get to know eachother more you will figure out when its good for you to call or text or how often he likes being texted or called.
People still use phones? I thought everyone moved on to texting, Facebook, and IM. I've always hated calling people.
Me and my boyfriend mostly text, but we talk / text several times each day, then again, we're not new couples like you are, we've been together for over two years, so it's become a habit that we just can't seem to stop at this point.
It all depends on how your relationship is. I wouldn't say there are rules.
give him a call, if he doesn't answer, two things will happen:
a) he'll call you back
b) he won't
if he preforms option B, drop the dude. believe me when i say there are plenty other fish in the sea. i know its a cliche, but it's absolutely true.
also, don't worry about the "clinginess" aspect of it. if he isn't nice enough to return your calls, he's not worth waiting by the phone for anyway.
I am a lot more social than my boyfriend most of the time. I dont mind usually. I sometimes feel bad for dragging him along when Im talking to people and socializing and he just feels uncomfortable. We call each other here and there. I do more of the calling because I have more to say usaully and If I wait until I see him again I normally just forget it. We have been dating for almost six months now. We rarely ever called each other in the beginning of our relationship for at least a couple months because it felt so, different and awkward at first. But now we do call when we need to and we love hearing each others voices and surprising each other and he never thinks im too needy for calling him. He tells me he rather enjoys it and that he loves me for it!!! :)
You can't base your relationship on society. Society isn't right about everything. You do what you feel is right for you based on you and what you know of your SO. Every relationship has its own rules, you just have to figure out what they are with your SO.
I'm always the one calling him. If he doesn't pick up, I wait until he calls or texts back (he'll text back. Never calls.)He never calls me unless he knows there's something wrong (i.e. I don't
text back or am not very responsive in my replies). I really do prefer voice conversations rather than text, there's so much more you can get out of it.
He's not really a phone call type of guy, I prefer voice convos if I can get away with it.
I do feel uncomfortable calling all the time, even once a day. We're both busy people, and I feel bad if I've pulled him away from something. I don't want to be annoying or anything. I've also left him a pointless voice message ("Just saying hi" and being goofy kind of message). I asked him if he listened to it before he called me back and said no. I told him it was a pointless message and he told me that all messages are good. Which is cool, because I'll sometimes call when I drive, and texting is now illegal while on the road. <3
As for the Facebook/IM thing, there are only 3 ways I can think of to communicate with my guy: phone, email, or a knock on the door. =)
And as for phone rules, just do what you feel works for both of you. And if you're concerned, just ask him up front. If he can't give you an honest answer, then there's something to be thinking about. How is a relationship going to work if there's no honesty?
I've always loved talking on the phone. My ex boyfriend and I used to talk all the time (he pretty much always called me cause I was always afraid I'd annoy him, and the one or two times I actually did call he was busy and sounded irritated so I just never called him unless he told me to). Our record is about 7 hours on the phone, haha.
Every guy I've ever dated liked talking on the phone and we'd always have great conversations, hardly ever boring. My current boyfriend doesn't like talking on the phone though and at first I didn't really know how to deal. I tend to wonder if that means I'm allowed to call him; if I call him he may be aggravated because he basically told me he's not good at talking on the phone. Then I think that I could always keep the conversation going, but then it may just be me talking the entire time..
We text and talk online and see each other a lot during the week, so maybe I don't need to worry about our phone-time, but a lot of the time it's nice to know someone's calling and just wants to talk to you and hear your voice. Hopefully he can get past his shyness. Talking on the phone shouldn't be a huge deal if two people are comfortable with every other aspect of a relationship.
And as for the double standard- I totally agree. It's sweet when a guy calls, but whenever I call I feel like a naggy girlfriend.
definitely hard for me to find the answer
I just can't help scolding my bf becoz he never call me (= =#)
I appear to be cool.I miss him but don't wanna call him(fear of making him feel annoyed)
then, we nearly break up(= =")
@Anonymous - That's kinda dumb because your relationship is just based on text.
There is no communication through your voice.
Plus it's nice when a guy can hold up a good conversation, and I like talking on the phone, it's easier and a lot faster than texting, I mean for simple small talk texting is fine but for deep convos I feel like texting is so impersonal.
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