Ah, platonic relationships.
The world would be a better place if there were clear indicators to tell the lines between the different kinds of relationships. Or maybe that would confuse people even more on how they should act accordingly. But since we aren't in that world of clear signs, the classic question on friendship will always exist. The question being whether men and women are capable of developing platonic relationships.
My friend Elle* is a flirtatious, sweet, cute, social butterfly. She is extremely nice and has trouble saying "no" in most situations (such as a guy that she's not interested asking her out on a date). A lot of the male friends she makes end up liking her in a more serious way.
However, she is completely oblivious to the social cues they give her and truly believes that they are just friends. Therefore, she will continue to make plans with them, go out drinking with them, and simply just hang out with them. Eventually they take the initiative to verbally confess to her. Then she will tell them she's not interested and believe that that's the end to any romantic possibilities and continue being friends with them. Yet, because she does not make her rejection strong and continues to hang out with them, they believe that she may be potentially interested.
It becomes a vicious cycle and they do not move on because she is technically leading them on. But in her mind, she's really just friends with them! This situation probably happens for both sexes. So if it's not mutual, one person seems to be more interested than the other.
In my point of view, I feel like platonic relationships can exist. Perhaps it is more plausible for me because I have an SO and I keep things in check with my relationships with other guys.
What do you think? Can women and men truly just be friends or will there always be some romantic/sexual tension lingering?
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Comments (61)
I do believe that women and men can be friends, and just friends.
I do have a few guy friends that are JUST friends. I am also in a serious relationship, but I know how to keep the guys at just a friend level, and they know it. However there are those situations that I have gone through where my guy friends end up wanting more out of the friendship and sometimes it really sucks because you end up losing the friendship completely. I think that if that women and men want to be friends, both sides have to know and understand that there is only a friendship and nothing more, but then again, people can't help who they end up falling for.
Of course they can. I have some friend-girls that I have no physical attraction to that I like chillin with. In fact, they are the best at hooking you up because they can talk you up to other girls.
Of course, it's like how gay men can be friends with other gay men without having one plow the other into the mattress....
Men & women can definitly just be friends! Soemtimes there just isn't that chemistry there. I've had a couple guy friends that just feel like my big brother and it would be way weird if there was ANY sexual tension, lol.
Of course you can be friends without having sex.
if anyone starts off wanting to be more than friends in a relationship..then nooooo duhs.
It will never happen. Either one of 2 scenarios usually occur. You either start off as lovers and find that you are better as friends; or, you start as friends and decide to become lovers. Either way, male and female "friends" always end up hitting the sheets.
I've certainly ruined a few good friendships with those of the opposite sex. Maybe it was their fault for being too good looking. I think it's far easier for girls to have the platonic mindset over guys because, let's face it, we do have only one thing on our minds.
That being said, a few of my best friends are of the female gender. They're good looking girls with great personalities, but I'm not attracted to them in that way. It's a completely platonic relationship and I cherish those friendships more than any other.
The only way I have found to make sure I'm only friends with a female is to establish the friendship in a group setting. Trying to be friends one-on-one leads to obvious confusion and pitfalls.
I mean, it's almost as if before the beginning of every friendship with a female I should clearly say in words, "Hey, I like you as a friend but don't want to date you."
My best friend is a girl and I'd rather stick my balls in a vice than bonk her.
Check out my dating blog: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Only if they keep the boundaries, which is why I choose guy friends who don't look that bad but I am so not attracted to in anyway, thank god, and the feeling is mutual. ALWAYS KEEP BOUNDARIES, something that tends to be forgotten because you could give off the wrong message if you end up spending more time with the friend of the opposite sex than your SO or blowing off dates to hang with the friend, which is a no-no. Also find a balance. Sometimes the SO may require a little extra love and care. IDK, just two cents.
Definitely. The stronger friendships develop when both have a clear and respectful understanding of how the other actually feels. I have tons of friends who are guys and we've got the platonic thing going on. I will admit there are a very small handful who have ever had further thoughts with me, but I made it clear to them that it was just not the same on my side. They were good enough friends to understand that and respect my feelings, so we were able to move on from that.
One way that it would become a problem however, is when you have an actual purely platonic friendship with someone, and then it's THEIR SO who has a problem with your friendship. That, unfortunately, has been the cause of death to one of my very close friendships I once had. Some people just don't believe that such a thing can happen, so whatever.
Umm...my best guy friends are either gay or in the seminary. I'm sure it's possible, but for me...not really.
Most of my friends are female, but I'm gay.
it might be possible, but not in my experience. not when either one is single, feelings always develop especially if either one is good looking. maybe if they are both in relationships, but then again ive seen two friends who were both with other people fall for eachother. i think theres always a danger of developing feelings when you get too close to a person, and the lines between friendship and something more become blurred. unless like others before me said, boundaries are strictly adhered to.
i think that, unless both the male and female claim themselves as homosexuals, there will be romantic attraction going at least one way at some point. but that doesn't necessarily mean it will last or that it will ruin the friendship.
sure. I mean men are women too, only without the "wo"
i have a few male friends that i have very solid platonic friendships with. it's rather nice :)
I only have one male friend to be honest. I usually don't find all that many things in common with men. So yes
lol. I love this post! Your friend kinda reminded me of me a few years back.
@Daria_Diaree@xanga - Great explanation in your comment. I personally relate to the first paragraph.
yes we can. but it takes two to be friends, just like how it takes two to be more than friends. say you want to be friends, but your friend doesn't, then it just won't work... no matter what you do, your friend will probably continue to have feelings for you... i guess if you really want to be friends with your friend, it's your responsibility to make it clear for your friend that you just want to be friends and nothing more.
OF COURSE!!!!!
anyone who think sotherwise is missing out on some REALLY good friendships!!
im friends with LOTS of girls. more then guys actually.
but im not going out with ANY of them! =P
why? because idk i dont feel like going out i guess. and they r like some of my best friends so, i like being their friend.
trust me, its a great experience
http://www.datingish.com/722184104/sure-we-can-be-friends/
There is your answer.
@PeriwinkleAdonis@xanga - Hehe! I think I wrote about that once in a Mancouch post. How the only males who can handle so many women friends are gay men.