Wednesday, 10 March 2010
-
Should I Forgive Him and Start Fresh?
So this is the basics of what's going on:
I was really close friends with...let's call him "Todd". Todd and I were like brother and sister. Bffs, two peas in a pod... the whole shebang. Around the time of a breakup a year-ish ago, I was spending 6 hours of my weekdays at a behavioral health hospital for self-injuring and symptoms of an eating disorder. Needless to say I was a little bit unstable so I was really leaning on him through this hard time. He was going through some stuff too. He'd found out he had diabetes and was really struggling with it. He tended to be very cynical and negative but he could be sweet too at times. We trusted and confided in one another.One night we hugged for a really long time. It felt nice to know that I could depend on Todd. Then he kissed me. Next thing I knew, it was a make-out session. It wasn't long before he'd felt me up pretty much everywhere. I wasn't 100% comfortable with the touching but I figured as long as I felt needed it'd all turn out ok. We ended up fooling around for about three weeks (we didn't have sex, thank God) before I couldn't take it anymore and asked him if we were together or not. He ended up saying "I don't feel comfortable with being in a relationship with you". It tore me apart. Not only did I feel lied to but I felt used. I felt like a piece of trash that had been thrown to the sidewalk without a thought.
I couldn't even look at him or speak to him. It hurt to have lost a best friend more than it hurt to have lost a potential bf. After a couple months I was thinking of forgiving him until his brother (who I'd trust with my life) told me that Todd had written a song about me. Not a nice one. Apparently it was about how I'm a bitch, whore, slut etc. I cut him out of my life completely that very day.
Why was I the whore? He was the one who kissed me. Why was I the slut? He was the one who felt me up.
It's been about 6 months since cutting him off. I haven't injured myself since then and I eat more now. I'm even in a relationship that is going amazingly. But I refuse to say a word to Todd, and it's hard. My sister still likes to hang out with him as do all my other friends. I miss him but I feel like if I expose myself to his negativity again that I'll start injuring again.
Should I forgive him and try to start anew? Or should I just deal with it? Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
About the Author
-
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 4875 Comments: 0 133 View all posts by another_diamond_in_the_rough@xanga
Comments (45)
Forgive him for your own sake.
You can't change the past, so you're stuck with changing how you feel about it. By retaining this anger towards him, you're hurting yourself, you know?
You've been through enough.
I'm sorry about how he treated you.
I think you should forgive him, but i dont think you should be friends with him again. At least not until he mans up and takes responsibility too.
Just ignore him, he clearly isn't worth missing, and he really should apologize if he wanted to still be your friend but he hasn't and probably wont so I think it is best to just forget about him and find someone who really wants to be your friend
Forgive him, but don't start anew. If you don't forgive him, you'll never be at peace, but keep things very acquaintcey. Say hello, if you must, and be polite, but nothing else.
I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that.
Only one answer to this - follow your heart. None of us can tell you what to do in this situation because none of us has a hotline through your pulmonary artery.
Check out my dating blog: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
wow can you say mis-communication?
@abeautifulknight@xanga - I agree.
Whether you forgive him or not it's not a good idea to let him back into your life. We all lose a friendship we wish we could have held onto at one point or another, but sometimes they're really not worth going back to. The fact of the matter is sometimes people change. They change so drastically that you don't even know who they are. And that isn't the person you befriended, that isn't the person you confided in.. it's someone entirely new and entirely not worth your time.
@TheRealMelanie@xanga - agree~
forgiving him will help with the healing~ but you dont hv to be friends again unless u r comfortable with it. ( n its ok if u'll never b comfortable with it, life still goes on as long u forgive him n move on)
@Octolove@xanga - I agree. Follow this advice.
I probably wouldn't forgive him, I'd just learn to deal with the anger. What he did is a big enough deal that I wouldn't be able to forgive it, but I hold a grudge or two now and it's like poison, so that might not be ideal for you.
Regardless, he seems like an incredibly negative influence on you, and trying to re-befriend him will likely cause more harm than he's worth.
leave him...
I think you should forgive him in your own mind. Instead of thinking about what harm he brought to you, point out his positive traits. All you can do is forgive and forget. One day, when you feel strong enough to talk to him, and know that his words will no longer hurt you, confront him. Tell him that you felt somewhat betrayed, but want to forget the past. Make an apology speech and then delete any virtual connections you have with him.
Take your time and follow your heart.
I personally would forgive him b/c guys think with head #2 sometimes. Though I would have asked when he kissed me the first time "why" or "whats up". If I didn't feel comfortable I would not have kissed him 2xs.
no i think he is an asshole and shouldn't be so easily forgiven.
my best guy friend did that to me. do NOT forgive. move on. he wont change, trust me!
if he kissed you and felt you up places, and you guys "fooled around" but then he said " i dont feel comfortable in a relationship with you?
after he did that? i mean like you did too, but hes the one who initiated it right?
so what the hell? not comfortable? wtf?
idk =[
personaly, i wouldnt get into this situation, but if i was in it, id say.....
he wont change. at least not anytime soon.
if hes a jerk to do that, then.....idk....
but i will say you should forgive him. even though he was a jerk. forgive, forget, and move on and away from him.
Ouch... I was in a similar situation and it sucked. Don't give him any respect or trust if hasn't tried to earn it back, but don't blame any present-day problems on his actions in the past, that's the real secret to moving on. The only person you absolutely need to forgive is yourself, so I will do my share to help that happen: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
If you feel like you can forgive him, go ahead. However, starting fresh would be the challenge and things wouldn't really be the same.
@SamBarger@xanga - No he started it and he was the one who said he was uncomfortable. Confusing right?
@another_diamond_in_the_rough@xanga - yea thats retarted!! my gf did something similiar...
she kept wanting me to kiss her, and i didnt wan to right away but i did. after awhile i found out she wanted to kiss me more often. soon i began to really like it. then one day shes like
"sorry i dont feel comfortable doing this anymore"
i was like/...wtf...aren't you the one who wanted this in the first place?......
dont worry about it girl!
As a person who self injures and has eating problems, don't do it. Regardless if he would change or not, if you haven't been doing those things and he is out of your life, letting him back in can trigger you. He obviously has some sort of mental issues going on, weather you think it or not. It's not good to surround yourself with negative people, and by negative I mean basically tossing out your trust when you are struggling yourself. The most important thing is you are doing well, and even though you may feel guilty for not talking to him, remember the progress you have made, and the amazing people in your life now.
If I were you, I would just be so confused and angry. Have you tried to talk to him about this?
At the end of the day, it's up to you. But congratulations for not having SI'd since then... It shows great strength when people can be in a negative situation and come out a better person because of it.
i say take care of your own problems first or try to prevent it from happening again if it means that you have to forget about "todd" forever. if your friends are in fact real friends, then they would understand and try to hang out with you without talking about him or even tries to avoid "todd" for a while until you have fully recovered.
i think you should cut your losses and continue to move in a more positive direction, like you have been. :) trying to be friends with him again will dredge up the hurt, remind you of the things he called you and so on. and truthfully, someone who calls you such ugly words is not your true friend anymore anyway!
and you weren't any of those things hun..i hope you don't believe that. he just sounds incredibly immature. and it was easier to insult you than admit he was wrong. typical immature reaction.
keep ya head up and move forward and surround yourself with better people than that. :)
forgive him. it sucks now and it will for a while... but until you forgive them it'll just eat at you.
Forgive him for your own sake, but maybe you shouldn't hang out with him anymore.