Wednesday, 10 March 2010
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Question of the Day: FwB to a Real Relationship?
Is it possible for a friend-with-benefit type relationship to turn into a real relationship even though it was first based off of physical attraction only? Can it ever amount to more or will it just be purely physical? Has it happened to you, if so, how did it go?
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (36)
I see no reason why any kind of relationship can't turn into any other. I think a problem might come from the definition, not the reality of the relationship. For example, once I got into a thing with a girl, and I saw it more as FwB, and so did she, *at the start*. Problems showed up when a couple weeks in, she saw it as an emotionally committed relationship and DIDN'T TELL ME THAT. Obviously, conflict came and busted up the whole thing. It's not that I wouldn't perhaps have been down for the relationship (although really I think I was more interested in strict FwB at that time), it's the miscommunication.
I think that if a couple defines themselves as FwB, it's going to take some serious conversation to "turn it" to a relationship, whereas if two people have a relationship that's intensely physical at the start, it might more easily turn into something emotionally committed and/or emotionally interesting, if it's just allowed to develop that way on its own. Labels can be limiting, in a way.
However
Knowing where the other person stands in a relationship--why they've started relating at all with you--is also valuable, so you don't get a misunderstanding like the one I wrote about above.
The question has to be asked - why are you ONLY FWBs in the first place? If it's because one of you is just out of a relationship, then maybe more could develop in time. But a lot of the time you're FWBs because there is no connection other than sexual. I think this would be a shallow basis for a relationship.
Check out my dating blog: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I believe that it is nearly impossible to maintain a FwB relationship for any long period of time. I think at some point, because we are human and because physical intimacy is just that - intimacy, one person will develop feelings for the other. Now, ideally this will not be one-sided. Then - BOOM. Relationship potential. If it is one-sided, then it's heading full speed off of a cliff. FwB = never really a good longterm arrangement.
So yeah, I think it's possible. Actually, I know it is. I had a FwB relationship develop into a four year relationship. We fell in love. And I don't think it was a shallow basis for a relationship at all, because the key word in that phrase is "FRIEND". A friendship is a great place to start. Add sexual intimacy, and you're just accelerating towards "relationship."
I don't see the reason why it couldn't. As long as both parties are willing to put the physical attraction aside to get to know each other on a more emotional basis then things could work out well. You guys should have at least had some feelings towards each other besides it just being physical to sleep with one another.
Anything's possible right? I'm having the same question on my mind. I'm just afraid that I'll become emotionally attached to him and end up worse than where I am now. All the best to you.
it's definitely possible :) it happened to me too. i fooled around with this guy for a couple of months before we both gave up hiding our feelings and made it official in december. we've been dating since, and it'd say it's one of the best relationships i've had so far ^_^v however, as xpialadocious@xanga says, communication is really important...he had a couple of fwbs as a freshman, and one of those girls thought they were for sure dating..she's still not over him, and we chose to keep things hush hush so that we can both avoid the drama. if i were you i'd talk to him and make sure that you guys are both on the same page...if you become too much emotional baggage, then he might just cut you off :( good luck though! <33
My husband and me started out as FwB and now we are married with 1 daughter, and very happy.
My current GF and I were FwB's to start out. It just sort of evolved into a relationship. We've been together (as a couple) for about 4-5 months now. Totally possible. Also, it's the best relationship I've been in so far, but that's not to say things always turn out that way.
haha I like the picture. It makes sex look really fun and carefree.
Anyways, I just started a fwb thing with my ex-boyfriend. We dated for three months and realized we were just...never going to fall in love. We had absolutely no emotional/verbal connection. But the sexual stuff was GREAT.
I really doubt that now that we're fwbs, we're going to actually develop a strong emotional attachment.
My situation was opposite actually. We started out in a relationship then broke up and became FwB. It was never going to amount to us getting back together. We just weren't as ready to let go of the physical attraction as we were the emotional. But from the looks of other comments it seems it can become something more. Good luck if that's what you're hoping for.
me and my boyfriend started off as fwb to see if we were attracted to each other and now we are 5 years 2gether and still going strong
You know a lot of ppl say no, but really yea it def. is possible. Why not? If you're already friends and then have that physical connection why couldn't it?
I think it depends on the emotional state of the ppl, often ppl want FWB bc they aren't ready for a relationship, so you might be messing w the person at the wrong stage of their life and it could take a while for them to be ready for a relationship.
Sometimes also you claim to be FWB but you aren't actually "friends" so I think that's why sometimes it doesn't work out....it's more of a hook up thing...and sometimes the two people are just Friends with Benefits purely. It's all about the connection betw. the two ppl.
ha beeen there and done that and i guess it depends on the person
Yes, that's how my current boy and I got together, and I've never been more in love with someone before. Not to say that it will work out with everyone. It's definitely not a conventional way of getting together, but nobody said it wouldn't work out.
i've never had a fwb type deal going on, so i can't say personally, but... i've certainly known people that have been involved in this deal (hoping for more of course, one party always wants more, that's why they do it!), and i've NEVER seen it succeed. i don't see how it could turn into a normal relationship, really.
*edit*: well i guess i take that last statement back, after reading some of these comments, apparently it does work out occassionally. i think that's rare though. i think it's usually a mistake.
My 2 year relationship started out as a sex only, fwb type of situation.
i dont know if it was classified as FWB.. since we weren't really friends..
but me and my bf we started out as sleeping together, once or twice a week. a little more often and then eventually all the sex had to lead to talking at some point. so we talked and feelings started to grow i guess and then we sort of just gave it a shot and its turned out great~ :)
a year and a half into this relationship and its not bad actually! :)
My current relationship started out like this and its the best I've been in. EVER. And from what I've read, alot of people are in the same situation. In a year, I hope I remember to post a follow-up to this post, just to see where everyone is. I'm not saying this to be pessimistic, I just find similar experiences interesting. My SO and I have already discussed marriage and our future together and we couldn't be happier. And I never saw myself as the type to ever have an FWB, but I did and the end results were beyond a dream come true.
sorry but for me friends with benefits means that the friendship is the foundation, and the benefits just the icing on top. so even if you stop sleeping together you can still be friends. It can therefore become more, if that's what you both want. But the question then is what is the difference going to be to your relationship (other than a re-labelling) because you may find that those changes ruin everything.
Yes, it's happened to me, and now i'm in a year and a half long, committed relationship with the guy. I won't lie that it's really difficult. And I certainly think that FwB is dangerous, because at least 99% of the time, one of them will develop feelings. Also there were problems because I naturally stay exclusive with the person i'm intimate with, but he didn't, until the second he decided he wanted to actually be with me. So now, all this time down the line, I still have trust and intimacy issues with him for being intimate with other people all that time ago.
Therefore I'd say that if FwB is where you're heading, don't be afraid to establish ground rules, such as the question of exclusivity, or a relationship.You'llbe thankful for it later.
Has happened to me. Plan on spending the rest of my life with him.
My FWB and I were in love with each other before we even became FWB's. I think we're headed in the relationship direction, as I just hope while I wait for his signals lol.
It's certainly possible for it to be more than physical; it's possible for you to become even more than FWB's! It all depends on the individual situation and how compatible you are.
Above all, remember this: Never give up hope until a situation is literally hopeless. It keeps you going, it keeps you fighting, and you might just be fighting for something worth fighting for :)
Hmm, hasn't happened to me yet. The guys who were just my "friends with benefits" just remained that way. I thought one of them would lead to a nice relationship, but I changed my mind about him, so I stopped seeing him.
no. the physical stuff started out with no meaning so it would be hard to transition to where thats special and loving without having a conversation (let's date/ be in a relationship) and then having the physical stuff follow the stage in the relationship
extremely possible. my best guy friend and i had this whole 'fwb' thing going on ( lack of better word) for a really long time. we finally came forward with our true feelings for each other.
we have been together ever since and honestly the relationship is so amazing because we are super comfortable with each other :)