Tuesday, 09 March 2010
-
My Boyfriend's (Crazy) Ex At Our Wedding?
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and he asked for my hand in marriage two months ago. I said yes! We are in the midst of planning the wedding and guest lists, and will sending our invitations in the next three months.
For the past 2.5 years, I have suffered greatly at the hands of his ex-girlfriend who has always clearly stated that “she will always love him and that it’s hard to move on”. She has tried countless of tacky tactics to try to stay in his life; such as calling his house phone weekly, messaging him online. My boyfriend did not reciprocate her feelings, as they had broken up long before he met me. He replied here and there because he was not the type to cut people off.
I was actually fine with the whole friendship because they have known each other for about 15 years, until my boyfriend told me about the naked pictures. Yes, she sent naked pictures of herself to him, and needless to say I was disgusted. I was never jealous of her ever, because I have always found her to be a rather ugly looking (inside and out) individual, but that’s another story. If she was actually a cute ex, I'd have been insecure but she wasn't even close to it, so all I felt was rage and anger at how she thought my boyfriend would be enticed by this.
I was disgusted, and since then have hated her and will never forgive her for all of the pain she cost me. After the pictures incident, he slowly started to become acquaintances with her, because she had once tried to commit suicide when he tried to break up with her eight years earlier. His ex-girlfriend had some psychological issues in the past; and she still seems to be so overly obsessed with the idea that she will always love him.
However, for part of our relationship, he had a hard time cutting her off completely despite her actions because they have several mutual friends (more than 60 at least). They went to the same university, and were actually friends with one another for the four years of school. When I entered into his life; she started going crazy and I guess thought I was taking him away. I wasn’t trying to do anything, but did she really think that she could message him online nearly every day, hang out with him 2x a week, and called him twice or more a week like she did for the past several years? I think I was patient enough to be okay with her to still message or talk to him on the phone a couple times per week (this was before the pictures).
Additionally, he couldn’t end all ties with her because his family and hers have been family friends for nearly 20 years. Right now (for the last 6 months or so), my boyfriend and this crazy lady have been talking once a month for a couple of minutes. I am kinda okay with this, cause I know that he can't cut off all ties because of the family friends’ issues, as both of their parents talk often, and do businesses together occasionally.
My biggest problem right now is that he is obligated to send an invitation to her parents; if not, it’s rude and will have great repercussions for both his parents and himself because of the ties to the communities. However, his ex-girlfriend still lives with her parents, and I know that he has to include her too at his parents’ request. His parents actually talked to me about it. They do not know all about the drama that she has caused through the years, and how it has affected our relationship in the first 1.5 years.
Right now, my relationship with my fiancé is strong, and all of this drama has allowed us to grow and deal with problems together. However, I am tired and sick of drama and have now finally gotten her out of our lives.
I honestly don’t want her there, but my boyfriend is obligated to invite her parents and her to our wedding. I just don’t know what to do.
What would you guys do in my shoes? Do I talk to my boyfriend or just fake a smile and let the person who tried to ruin my life be at one of the most important days of my life?
-
recommend
- recs 2
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (98)
just suck it up and deal w/ her at the wedding. its your wedding day and he's marrying you. so who cares if she's there to witness it. just ignore her.
First, congratulations on your wedding!
Don't let her ruin even a second of it.
If she were any sort of smart, she wouldn't go- but clearly, she's dense. I'd have him ask her to bring a date. Maybe if she had some other poor guy at the wedding, she'd back the hell off your man. (:
Good luck.
You don't have to necessarily include her in the guests coming to the reception. I firmly believe that you can invite someone to the wedding ceremony without inviting them to the reception after.
Congrats!
Honestly, if it were me I'd probably invite her and then do something mean to her. Or at least invite a huge big burly woman to throw her out if she causes a problem.
I'm a bitch though! Don't listen to me!
It's so difficult when there's a situation like this that ties the two people together whether or not they want to be tied together. I'm in this sort of situation with my current boyfriend as well, and there probably isn't going to be an answer that will make all parties happy. At the risk of her freaking out more about not being invited, I think that it would probably be a wise idea to invite her and leave her with the choice about whether or not she wants to be there. I also agree with the person above me who said to allow her to have the option to bring someone. You may not want her there, but your finance has to make his parents happy and his family friends as well. What's honestly the worst thing that she would do? I don't think many people are crazy enough to embarrass themselves by trying to break up a wedding.
I hope that your wedding and this situation works out!
do NOT send her an invite. invite the parents but not her. quite frankly she doesn't deserve it. and i would take extra measures to make sure she doesn't crash...
it is your wedding. it maybe ok to invite the family friends but that does not have to include the ex gf. the invatation should be addressed to the family friends as mr and mrs .......
also they dont have to be invited to the reception.
this relationship your future hubby has with ex gf really has to stop since it really is not on a good foundation and it will ALWAYS be a thorn in the side of your marriage. regardless of how long the family has known each other you are under no obligation to invite her to anything and based on her past mental issues your hubby is under no obligation to her and should be more concered with your feelings and desires as it is you he is building a life with.
Like @AngelStarr@xanga said, you should probably do your best to ignore her (if you DO wind up inviting her, and if you don't, you have every right to explain to the people concerned why you chose not to. If they're pissed or it causes bad blood, so be it. It's YOUR wedding!). Anyway, if she does go, pretend she doesn't exist, and focus on the beautiful wedding you and your fiancé have planned for.
I personally would have confronted the nutcase a long time ago, but you might be classier than I am. Or have less anger issues. Ha. Sorry you have to deal with that :|
she needs to see a shrink... its not your SO's fiance's fault that she may be suicidal.
i probably wouldnt invite her... but thats just mewhen u send the invites to her parents, just put her parents name on the invites. To Mr and Mrs whomever. maybe if there not as dense as her, they will get the picture
However, worst comes to worst and u have to invite her, A. it will make her jealous for her to see how happy he is with YOU, and you can sit back and love every minute of it, and B. if she starts trouble, im sure your girl friends wont have a problem saying something to her.
Congrats on the engagement, i hope it all works out for you!
yes, the parents feel it is polite to do so. however if they had any idea that she sent him naked photos they might feel differently.
if you want to be sneaky you could invite her and say to her directly come and i will show your parents the photos. if you dont just tell your boys parents about the drama and say i know it would be better but i cant handle that at our wedding.
if i was her i certainly wouldnt want to be there though... id probably cry. and how embarrassing would that be.well you two seem to have a strong relationship, you can't think on her. it might be frusterating, but if you guys are meant to be she won't weaken it.. and yeah, her having to be invited kind of sucks.. but hopefully she won't come or won't pull any episodes at least. good luck<3
If you have to invite her, then you have to invite her. But put your bridal party on alert to look out for any shenanigans on her part. Also, sometimes venues require a security guard. Give him/her a heads up that she may be causing problems and to escort her out if necessary. It's your wedding. Do what you need to do to keep her under control, even if she has to be there.
-Katie
It's kinda stupid, but I had encountered a similar issue for another event. What was done to help resolve the issue, or more to try to keep an issue from happening, some individuals were given the responsibility of "babysitting" the potential trouble-maker at the event. These individuals could be known to the trouble maker or not, but they were just the back up b/c prior to the event, a conversation was held with the person in question to give them the heads up as to what is expected of them. They can feel embarrassed maybe, but since it's YOUR wedding, and you anticipate it, you have a right to bring it up I think. Of course try to do it in a gentle way, even if it means having someone else do the talking. Or talk to her parents about it.
WOW. NO do NOT invite her... I would fight this one until the end - it's YOUR wedding day. it's HIS wedding day, not hers! If she still has feelings for him, and she's as crazy as you say she is, she's going to make you miserable. Even if she behaves herself, she's still going to BE there... and you will not be able to ignore that. I would explain everything to his parents and just genuinally and politely tell them that you really would feel more comfortable without her being there on one of the biggest days of your life.
"I was never jealous of her ever, because I have always found her to be a rather ugly looking (inside and out) individual"
that was a pretty low blow. i get it, she's making your life horrible. as someone who has been labeled the "crazy ex" in the past, i have to let you in on a little secret: we don't continue our behavior if we don't get a positive response from the ex we're still going after. my ex's then-girlfriend thought i was trying to steal him, and that he was behaving himself... that it was ALL my fault. she had no idea he was sending me messages saying, "Oh, sometimes i miss dating you!" or "wow my girl is such an idiot, why can't she be smart like you?"
frankly, i'd question whether your fiance, at ANY point, said or did anything to lead her on. if he did, he's at fault as much as she is.
First of all congrats on the wedding.
If it were me, I would go to both her parents and you own, explain the situation to them, and therefore if they are decent people they will understand why you are unwilling to have this girl at your wedding day. Just be tactful is all I guess.
unfortunately you have to invite her if she lives with her parents. its just one night. i doubt she will dance with your husband-to-be.
Invite her... and ignore her... let her see how happy you are together and that she isn't going to change that..
... also, just to make her day more comfortable, use the naked pictures of her on napkins.. muhahahahaha! What a bitch.
Fuck her family this is your wedding. you are the bride Just say i do not want them their period. than if they get bitchy at all ask them are you the bride. did you invite some psycho bitches parents that send nude pictures to your husband to be. NO i dont think so end of discussion
Think of this as ONCE IN A LIFETIME. I wouldn't take any of that shit. no is no.
i would never let anyone ruin my day, especially my day. i would be really firm about how i feel and what i want.
It's your wedding too, and if you're not comfortable about having her there, you should be allowed a voice in the matter. Maybe your boyfriend and you should both sit down with her parents and let them know about her psychotic antics so that they can understand the situation better. It will seem awkward and embarrassing but the wedding must surely be important enough to go through with letting them understand why you may not want their daughter there.
Well, let him know how you feel about, but don't stop him from anything. If you guys are both on the same page about her being there, as in, it makes you both a little on edge and uncomfortable, fantastic, but maybe only invite her to the reception? And not the ceremony?
invite her, tell all of your friends she's coming, and have them torture her the entire wedding...accidental bumping into, loudly talking about "that crazy ugly ex", etc. you could even accidentally throw the bouquet AT HER FACE ehehehe