Tuesday, 09 March 2010
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Sorry, I Don't Wanna Be Your Third Wheel ...
My friend is seeing this new guy. They've only been dating for about a month so I haven't met him yet. Earlier in the week, we made plans to go see a movie. She texts me today to tell me that said dude is meeting us afterwards for dinner.
This means it would be me, her and him. Am I crazy for not liking this arrangement?
Now she's pissed because she thinks I don't want to meet the guy. That's not my issue at all. Actually, I really have no issue. If she wants to meet him for dinner that night, that's fine with me. I told her I'd go home after the movie. Which I really don't mind doing. What I do mind is being the third wheel. I've done that enough times to know that it's insanely awkward. Man, I hate awkward.
It's one thing to meet someone's new suitor in a group setting. Or maybe in a laidback environment, like a bar, where I can leave them alone gracefully and/or find other people to talk to. But threesomes are never as fun as they sound. I told her I would feel lke a tag-along and he would feel like he's on an interview. Needless to say, she didn't like that explanation.
Is it my fault for not wanting to go on her date with her? Have your friends ever asked you to be their third wheel? How can I make her understand that this is an uncomfortable situation for me without looking like I don't care about her love life?
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Comments (43)
I feel for you. It's not your fault that you don't want to be the one feeling awkward. Just tell your friend that you care, but it's uncomfortable for you and that you won't be coming with them. If she gets pissed, then let her be pissed.
I hate being the third wheel. It happens far to often in my life. Too many of my friends are married or have boyfriends. I try to take it in stride and go if I know them both well, but sometimes it's so awkward when I tag along
being the third wheel sucks in most situations. the only time i dont mind it is when im with my best friend and her boyfriend of about 5 years. we all get along great and after all this time i feel like hes my friend as well. but other then them two, i wouldnt want to spend time with any other couple. for me its just a awkward waste of time.
No, I think everyone hates feeling like a third wheel. I mean seriously, who wants to sit around looking all awkward and shit while the couple is caught up in their bliss to notice anything else.
I can totally see where you're coming from, and I don't think you're being unreasonable at all for not wanting to go to dinner with them. I wouldn't go either if I were you.
What the hell is so bad about being a third wheel? I never understood. From my experience, it's only awkward if you don't like the person your friend is dating.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - I agree.
I've been "third wheel" plenty of times...and so have my friends in the opposite situation. I mean, as long as you aren't invited to watch them have sex, you shouldn't feel too left out!
If this was a regular thing, or you'd already met him, I can understand you being annoyed - but you were surely invited on the premise that this was a great chance to meet him? I think she should have gone. It's hardly a date if they're only meeting each other afterwards...
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I really hate being the third wheel only when the couple is exclusive and acts like I'm not even there.
my BEST friend is ALWAYS in a relationship, :/ so whenever she's going somewhere, her new guy is too. I've never been able to go hang out with my friend without her boyfriend(s). It REALLY sucks, so i'm always the third wheel, and since i havent been dating much lately, its not like we can double, which i would be perfectly fine as.
And, im always the third wheel and she does not seem to care, so, being the third wheel compeltely sucks. You are ONE HUNDERED percent right that it is akward(:
Ughhh! I hate being the third wheel. Not only do I feel awkward, but I realize how I'm always the odd one out. I actually had one of these lovely experiences not too long ago with my best friend and a guy she just met. It was so weird and I started texting people so I wouldn't feel so lonely. It didn't help much and as much as I didn't want to make my friend feel bad, I told her that I didn't want to be put in such a position anymore. She respected it and it hasn't happened since. I think that as long as you tell your friend what's up, they'll do the same. If they don't and accuse you of being jealous, you don't want to be hanging out with them anyway.
im not awkwarded out by being the third wheel. its fine with me, tho i am pretty good at reading signals and if there is any feeling that they dont want me there... poof im gone
The third wheel is awkward.
Not awkward at all, it's not as if they're on a proclaimed date to begin with. The guy she's seeing is just joining you to see her good friend just to get to know the girl better. I think your view is kinda selfish imo only caring about how you feel. What if she wanted you to meet him to get your input or the guy wanted to meet you just in case he needs a middle man (in this case woman/girl). But you only thought about how it'd be awkward for you....@.@
If it WAS a proclaimed date then yes it'll be awkward. Also if you're worried about being neglected when they talk or what not you really shouldn't worry. If your friend is a good friend she'll make sure you'll have some say in the convo too, or if the guy is a great guy then he'll make sure to include you.
I definitely do that with my friends whenever I bring my girlfriend out.
Take care!
That's how my ex-best friend was. No matter how many times we made plans together, he always had to be there. It was horribly awkward. At one point I told her that if he was gonna be there that I wouldn't be. It didn't help that he would insult me when I was with them. I would defend myself, insult him & she would defend him---completely ignoring that he insulted me, or she'd say that he was 'just kidding'. I'd ask her to hang out with me & my guy, & she'd say she didn't want to be the 3rd wheel, but it was okay for me to be.
She actually got mad at me for getting upset with her because the first time I met her bf was a day when just we were supposed to hang out. So I did the same to her. She threw a hissy fit about it & left.
Hell no, don't stick around for that. I used to be the third wheel for some unknown reason, for my friends and i always thought if they wanted time with their boy alone why did they invite me along? You should speak up, there are some couples that just know how to hang around other people when they are together, and then there's the other who don't. I say if you cant join in on the fun then you shouldn't be there. LOL
I don't believe in the third wheel notion, honestly. I get angry with my friends when they do not want to come out for a nice dinner and movie when my boyfriend and I are planning to do something. We are both people that will go out of our way to make the person feel comfortable, and honestly seem more like friends then people in a relatinoship when we go out with friends. I would go out with my friends if they were with their boyfriend and girlfriend if we all got along, but you cannot make that judgement until you do it once. You should have atleast tried it in my opinion. It's basically what you make of the situation. If you think that it's going to be awkward, then obviously that's how it's going to turn out. I don't understand how people don't think about these things.
I know how you feel .. I hate awkward too.. it would be more enjoyable if it were a double date type thing which is clearly not the case.. idk how to tell you to make her understand.. guess she'd have to go through it to understand the way you are feeling.
i've been there, it's weird. i think it's possible though, if the couple like each other enough to keep their hands off each other.
There is nothing more awkward than being a third wheel. It's not a pleasant experience at all, especially when your friend and her/his SO acts lovey dovey and can't let go of each other. -___-
It's only weird if the couple makes it weird. I've been the "third wheel" before, and sometimes it's awkward, sometimes it isn't. Maybe you should give it a chance. It sounds like she wants you to meet him. Just suck it up and go. You'll live, I promise.
-Katie
i honestly don't find it that much of a big deal.
@mcmeister89@mancouch - It's awkward when your friend and her boyfriend can't keep their hands (and mouth) off each other. Or even keep it PG.
She was most likely just trying to have you meet him. If she was just afraid to not be in his presence for one second, she would have also invited him to the movie. It sounds like she wanted to respect her time with you alone, and then have you meet this new guy.
If it wasn't a date, then it shouldn't be an issue. I can understand where you're coming from because it can seem like you're a third wheel because you know that they're dating. If she is as close as you proclaim, then she wouldn't do anything to make you feel awkward. Then again, only you can make you feel awkward. I hope things work out!