Last night, I made out with one of my female friends. I do not regret the act; it will cause no problems. Neither of us like the other, I was explicitly given permission by my boyfriend, and it’s probably not going to become a regular thing. It did, however, give me some perspective on things.
For starters, and this is minor, it killed the idea that I was simply “bi-curious.” I hadn’t questioned whether my attraction to girls was an attraction to the unknown or an attraction to what was in front of me for ages, but I’m under the impression that there were a couple friends and acquaintances who weren’t as sure. If that impression is correct, I can now claim that having made out with both genders, I am definitively bisexual. If that was even up for debate, I don’t know, really.
It cleared up some of the silly questions I’d had as a girl who’d only made out with one person. It cemented the differences in experiencing the same thing with different people. Yes, the differences are logically obvious without having kissed anyone at all, but there’s something about actually feeling them that makes them seem more real. No, I’m not suddenly incredibly experienced (and I’m always going to be trailing behind someone or other in the sexual realm), but it’s something.
How humans have the capability to make out and have sex without emotional attachment finally makes sense to me. Like the differences in kissing different people, this was something that I’d understood to an extent but couldn’t fully understand until I’d experienced it. Because, well, yeah… Though her actions turned me on, and though in theory I’d fully be up for doing it again, I don’t feel like the incident formed any type of attachment that hadn’t existed beforehand. She’s a close friend, sure, and losing her would hurt, but it wouldn’t be anything near what losing the one that I’m in love with would be. I didn’t think my emotions would shift with the incident, but I think I expected it all to be… more awkward? different?… than it was.
Perhaps the thing that shocked me the most about it was that I learned how little I liked it without the emotion. It wasn’t traumatizing, it wasn’t gross, it wasn’t horrible in any way, but the lack of any slight romantic attraction stole what the moment would have been with, perhaps, one of those girls that I’d had slight crushes on. It was fun, but it wasn’t important. And while I don’t believe I messed up in any moral way, the incident doesn't resonate well enough for me. It was a cheaper version of what it is when I kiss my love, and when she left, and when I finally forced my body into bed at 3:30am, I longed for him, and I cried.
Have you ever explored your bi-curious impulses?? If so, what were your first impressions??
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Comments (80)
well, i gotta say.
id rather not date someone who kissed another girl. but thats just me hahaha
can't say that i have ever been bi-curious, but I'm glad you figured things out!
Ha, this kind of skews what my intentions were in writing this.
It's not that I didn't enjoy kissing her. It's that I enjoy kissing the person I'm in love with more.
It's an emotion thing, not a gender thing. =/ But I suppose even my original title could have been better planned.
lol. i'm not bi-curious. and i never have been. nothing wrong with anyone who is but for me personally...i wouldnt and couldnt bring myself to kiss a member of the same sex. even if i wasn't married. but i'm glad your experience answered some questions of yours!
Eh I've always went by the idea that if you can't fall in love with the same gender, then you're not gay/bi. I was often confused whether I was bi because I think girls can be BEAUTIFUL. But then I realized it's just jealousy...plus, girls are just aesthetically pleasing.
I've made it my goal to kiss at least one girl in college, but I at least by now I know that I will never fall in love with one.
@my_horizon@xanga - It's not that I can't fall in love with someone of the same gender.. it's that, currently, the person I'm in love with is male. He's not the first person I've been in love with, though.
Awh, yay! I'm glad you're bicurious no more, and have found yourself. x]
Personally, I don't see how gender plays into romance, but that's completely my own perspective on love, and I know that for others, gender does play a role. (I'm not bi, bytheway.)
Congrats! I'm happy for you.
The first time I explored my bisexuality, I fell in love. I'm still dating that same girl. It was the most amazing and liberating experience of my life. Nothing has ever felt more right. I'm glad you explored!
I define sexuality by physical AND emotional attachment.. moreso the emotional. Of course, this definition varies with each person, but that's just my personal take.
Anyway, glad that you took that step to explore and find yourself!
I respect that you went out and tried it and got a confirmation about who you are
Thats really cool! Self exploration ftww
i don't like how some guys "give permission" for their girlfriends to kiss other girls. as if female-female attraction were a lesser form and thus not threatening to their presumed heterosexual relationship.
i'm all for exploring your personal preferences though. glad to hear you found yours.
Ugh, was drunk with my boyfriend and his friend, his friend's girlfriend, and two of his roommates. Ended up kissing his friend's girlfriend (she's bi) and she didn't mind, nor did his friend, but my bf didn't like it a lot. I was pretty apologetic about the entire situation. I did discover though that I don't mind kissing girls, haha.
I've never been bisexual or bicurious.
I've always been pansexual myself, then again most people can say their bisexual and only wish to fuck the other sex rather than date them...
No one's 100% homosexual or heterosexual, - even if they say they are - most of us are in between.
Alfred Kinsey [click here] did a survey, where people anonymously admitted to not being completely straight or gay. Most of us are in between, maybe closer to one side than the other, but still in between.
Scale is:
0 - Exclusively heterosexual.
1 - Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual.
2 - Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual.
3 - Equally heterosexual and homosexual. [Bisexual]
4 - Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual.
5 - Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual.
6 - Exclusively homosexual.
I'd say I'm a 1 or 2 on the scale. I've made out with girls, and it
didn't do much for me. I used to think [in high school] that if I found
certain women attractive, that meant I was bi, but I don't think
appreciating women's beauty makes anyone bi. I'm just not attracted to
women like I am to men.
For everyone who's stating that bisexuality is, to them, both emotional and sexual: I /am/ emotionally/romantically attracted to women as well. It's simply that, in this case, I wasn't romantically inclined toward the specific girl. Datingish added the questions at the end, and altered the title, so it's not as clear. :|
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - I like how you seem to assume my boyfriend's straight. It's quite silly of you, considering how little of his history you know. ;)
@Cest_LaxVie@xanga - Thanks for the comment. I've heard of the scale, I appreciate the fact that you mentioned it. I take issue with the fact that you aren't 'bisexual' unless you're evenly split (according to the numbering system you pulled up), but the theory itself makes sense to me.
no, and i don't really want to.
@unabridgedtales@xanga - i said "presumed heterosexual relationship." a heterosexual relationship is one that exists between a male and female. i assume that's what you two are. "presumed" means this statement is made with what i can gather from your post. now what was your problem with my comment, again?
The problem, @MissPixieGlitter@xanga, is that even in a heterosexual relationship, there is no guarantee that the participants are heterosexual, is there?
It could well be, miss, that the boy in question does not view homo-sexual experimentation as less valid, but as exactly what it is: experimentation.
Is it more innocuous than someone's girlfriend kissing another boy? Absolutely, because if she's kissing boys, she's not experimenting. She's already got a boy. Whereas, any understanding person can understand the desire to experiment.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - *shrug* The statement I gave didn't make sense, so, sorry.
I dunno. I still feel like the "lesser form" statement made an assumption about the way that he views the entire thing. Perhaps @xenthetormented@xanga summed it up better?
I'm bisexual and when I first explored my sexuality, I fell in love with the girl.
When I get a crush on a girl, I'll consider that bisexual. Making myself kiss a girl...not so much.
@xenthetormented@xanga - you make a good point about the experimentation aspect, but i think it's kind of a slippery slope. if i were a girl wanting to kiss another boy, could i not make the argument that i'm "experimenting" to see if i like him? boys aren't all the same; i would be experimenting with individuals, not genders.
there isn't a guarantee that individuals in a heterosexual relationship are entirely heterosexual. but why is experimentation with one gender more acceptable if experimentation with either could cause one to lose one's partner?
@unabridgedtales@xanga - i didn't mean to imply specifically that your boyfriend thinks less of homosexual relationships. it's just a trend i notice (where guys admit feeling less threatened by their girlfriends experimenting with girls), and i was just pointing that out.
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Eh, alright. It did seem to me as if you were making that implication. Alles gut. Thanks. =)
I am emotionally attracted to guys but don't really like their bodies and the thought of having sex with them just put me off a bit. But I dont think I am bisexual either, even though I am physically more attracted to girls