In Toledo, Ohio a 40 year old mother and her two sons got into the family Pontiac to pay a visit to their daughter/sister. They drove the car to the apartment where she was living with her boyfriend. The mother and her sons took the pistol out of the glove compartment and entered the apartment. They held the gun to the boyfriend's head and beat his ass in with a few Steven Segal kicks to the chest. After about 20 minutes of mafioso abuse, they pistol-whipped the dude in the face, and the mother and sons left their daughter/sister alone with the beaten SO. The attack was completely random and detectives cannot figure out just why the beating took place.
Of course there are a million and one details that the police department does not know, but for the sake of argument, let's just say that said mother and brothers were being protective of their daughter.
Even though this family took it one step to far, it is important to protect your brothers and sisters. Many abusive relationships and infidelities have been saved by the hands of a observant loved one. However, while scrolling dating columns and blogs we often see claims of "over-protection" when it comes to analyzing relationships.
Overprotection can definitely be an annoying part of being in a relationship. I've been in relationships where I had friends and family telling me that I should break-up with my girlfriend "for my own good." I've concealed harmless details from friends about their sisters because I was told, "he might do something violent about it." Maybe these violent reactions have something to do with growing up in New Jersey, however, I don't think the theme is exclusive to the Garden State. This kind of jealousy is everywhere in literature, psychotherapy, movies, television etcetera etcetera. Beyond the cultural center of the world (New Jersey), the conflict exists and constantly warrants debate.
How do you walk the line between being reasonably protective and intrusive when it comes to the relationships of your siblings and/or children??
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Comments (30)
Figures it happened in Ohio.
I don't go to Ohio State because my parents weren't siblings.
I'm super overprotective of my brothers. I've been taking care of them since they were born. But...they grew up, they got big, and they told me in no uncertain terms that they could take care of themselves. I still take care of them, and they know that I've got their backs no matter what. As far as girls go, I'll tell 'em what I think, flat-out, honestly. I'm blunt, can't help it. What they do is their concern, I've done my part.
But I can put the fear of God into any girl living.
Dang. I used to live in Toledo, It's amazing the things that go on there.
ugh, i'm dealing with an overprotective parent in my current relationship. It's terribly hard when your SO's mother doesn't like you and tells you things like you're life threatening to her son because she thinks you're full of stds, lol.
i don't like over protective people ...they won't let me talk to them... ...maybe it's my scar's?... ...or cause they know i'm not cool like them?... ...or the fact i look like a killer?... ...or the gun i point at them so i can take their lives?... ...maybe it's that kitty in the corners' fault?... *leaves to ask kitty* =( ...it only speaks french... *sigh*
I wouldn't dare to beat anyone up. Actually, I did one time, I fought this one kid for calling me and mom ugly. On the bus. He ended up getting in trouble for calling me ugly and hitting me back. Ever since then, I wouldn't dare to hit anyone because the bus lady told me that violence doesn't solve anything and I shouldn't be punching boys. But for this one incident, it did because that boy being a suck up and calling me pretty and stuff the next day.
That's far from the point. The point is.. for some people, they don't know the line. When filled with anger/hatred, some people don't know how to control it. I know when I first punched that kid, I was really angry. His face made me so mad, that I couldn't help to punch him. He teased me the whole entire day. Morning - After school.
my parents treatened to beat my bf & me up if they saw us outside...my parents don't like my bf just because he is a malay but we're chinese=(
My parents aren't really protective of me...in fact they could probably have been a little more protective of me when I was kid and I might understand how to protect other people. I'm really anti aggressive. When I hear other people have problems instead of doing the normal "What the hell lets go kick his ass" thing most of my friends do I just say "So what are you going to do?". I'm always trying to get people to take care of their own problems...shrug maybe when I have a daughter I'll be protective.
@my_horizon@xanga - Comparing the Ohio to bumfuck nowhere is like saying that New York City is a town.
Ohio actually has a pretty large population of normal people. For the, you know, less than 100 miles of Southern Ohio hicks, the rest of the state are decent people who don't deserve that reputation. OSU is a nice ass school. I just moved from OH to NJ an although I grew up hating OH, throughout my extensive travelling I've realized it's MUCH nicer than the majority of the rest of the states. I've been out and seen a lot of the Eastern coast, and through my life I visited a lot of the South one vacations. At least on THIS half of the US, Ohio is the least of my concerns (and anyone else whose left more than one or two state lines).
You want to see some real first cousin bullshit, go down south. But Ohio?
That entire comment made me facepalm.
@my_horizon@xanga - Nevermind, you're a calorie counter. You aren't in your right state of mind. I forgive you.
I don't think you get that privilege, especially when they're an adult. Even if they're being physically abused, all you can do is call the police, tell them they're safe at your home, and encourage them to break it off with their SO. You NEVER get the right to physically harm a relative's partner, or twist your relative's arm into breaking things up. It's their life, and it's their choices. If they make bad choices, that's just the way it is.
Oh god, I have cousins galore that are ready to beat a bad significant other up.
i've heard of overprotective...thats just... insane
@Shy___Away@xanga - i agree with you completely.
my family disagreed with my choice of bf when we first started dating, but thankfully they realized that it was MY life and MY choices and if things went sour, i had to face the consequences. plus, why would anyone want an assault charge on their record? no thanks.
@MindUnderDresser@xanga - les tuer! ehm..meow?
my family (no parents) was being a bit overprotective when i started dating my current BF last year. after a huge blowout with an uncle, i talked to my aunt (his sister) and she was very understanding. i reconciled with my uncle a couple months later, and while he was still wary of my relationship, he said he knew that i was an adult and i was going to do what i thought was right, despite warnings from anyone else. i respected that, and thankfully he gave my BF a chance and got to him--now my whole family loves him :)
as for how i walk the line--i have no siblings or children, but i'm pretty protective of my cousin, though we don't see or talk to each other much lately. but when we do get together i just give advice, usually coupled with examples from my own history so he knows what to avoid (not just with relationships, but with other things that arise in a teens life). luckily, he seems to have a good head on his shoulders so i don't worry too much about him; he seems to be making good choices so far. i'm proud of him.
First off, that's is one crazy ass family. If they were so protective of their daughter/sister, why did they leave her there with her SO after he was beat up? You would think they would take her along with them too.
Anyways, there's a always certain limit when it comes to being protective. If he was really abusive, the first thing they should have done was try knocking some sense into her and convince her to leave him before it was too late. If that didn't work, then the police should have been involved and a restraining order should have been put against him. But taking matters into your own hands will only end up disastrous even if the intentions were to protect a loved one.
And if he the bf wasn't abusive at all and the family just didn't approve of them being together, then this incident was way out of line. If she's an adult, you have to let her make her own decisions whether they're right or wrong.
@raedium@xanga - Lmao man if you ever go to a college football game against your college's rival, bring me along so after you burst into tears over the chants you'll hear, I can wipe them away. <3
Hm... I say just let the other party lead it, the party you're concerned about, to an extent. What do I mean by "to an extent"? Well, typically, friends that you are close to, you know how they react to situations, and whether or not they are being brave or stupid. You know how they will respond when you call actions as you see them of that nature, typically. For some individuals, you have to be a little more on the quite, but sly side, whereas for other friends, you just need to get forceful. I have some friends that I know would shy away from me and closer to an abuser if I called the abuse what it was. However, there are some friends who can handle it better and reason better. It's all a personal call that needs to change from person to person in how you handle it. You know? I hope this made sense. I can be horrible at explaining sometimes. :) Sorry.
<3, ~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
@raedium@xanga - you get all hissy when someone says something like that about Ohio, yet then push that highly-untrue stereotype onto not just another state, but an entire region? believe it or not, the practice of incest isn't common in the South either.
I am entirely not protective of my brother, not only can he take care of himself, I don't want him to bother me when it comes to relationships.
@my_horizon@xanga - In my opinion, you've just been ridiculously sheltered and buy into a lot of bullshit if you think Ohio is a trashy state. Statistically, what you said is actually rather moronic. But to each their own colleged up hype for no logical reason. :) And I don't go to OSU, and haven't lived in OH in quite some time. Even when I lived in OH I didn't plan on going to OSU, and I really couldn't give a fuck less about that college in general. Just thought I'd clear that up-- I'm not biased towards OSU. But really, what you said is so...empty and devoid of reality. It sounds like a college kid's way of justifying herself against their rivals. Which is sad.
@stardustskye@xanga - No, but marrying your cousins and such is
more common and more legal down south. Facts state it. Ohio
really isn't high-up on the inbreeding and family relations. I never
said that it was 'common' anywhere. Just that it happens a hell of a lot more there
than it does up on the lakes.
@Peppermint__Kisses@xanga - Yeah, true ...mew... You ok? You look alittle busy in that pic. i figure it's best not to be blindfolded when i get dressed so as not to walk in public with a stick up my ass ...?... ...that has nothing to do with you, seriously...
...so?... ...hi?...
@my_horizon@xanga - ahahahaha