I had been dating my boyfriend Mr Geek for 2.5 years when he whisked me off to Venice for a long weekend and proposed with a 1-carat diamond ring. I felt like the luckiest girl alive and refrained from turning into Bridezilla...but within a year, our relationship fell apart when he moved away for postgraduate studies and I was left heart broken.
Not only was I heart broken, but I had to deal with announcing the news to all my family and friends. You see, Mr Geek was from Malaysia and I met him in Scotland, where I was born and bred, while he was studying. So when he left Scotland and left me, he didn't bat an eyelid!
How did I announce the broken engagement?
I did 4 things :-
1. Stopped wearing my engagement ring
2. Removed the "engaged" status from Facebook
3. Announced it on
my blog4. Told my closest family and friends
And the saying "News travels fast!" worked its magic.
However, not everyone had heard about the news, so once in a while, someone would ask me,
"How's the wedding planning?" I really could not bring myself to talk about it, so I would reply by saying something random,
"Oh yeah, it's coming along..." and then quickly change subject. I knew that eventually, they would hear the news from someone else.
On the outside, I appeared fine and happy, but it was just a fake face. I felt so ugly and unloved and broken inside. I cried myself to sleep every night for 6 months. In retrospect, I wish I let it all out and talked about it more openly because I think it would have helped with the healing process.
Two years on, I am happy to say that I have met someone who loves me dearly. He is the sunshine in my life.
The funny thing is - the ex-fiance did not even have the courage to tell his family! His sister found out from someone who read my blog! And then she told their parents. Can you believe that?
How would you announce a broken engagement?
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Comments (27)
What an awful guy! its a good thing things didn't work out so u could meet the real Mr. Right.
I'm engaged right now... and I don't even want to think about how I would end it... I would be devastated.
Eek! Oh, that sounds terrible, I'm so sorry. I guess the bright side is, if he was so quick to leave, it's better now than after it was made legal. If I was put in that position, I would probably do exactly as you- people do talk a lot, and news spreads quickly.
I would do the same 4 things.
i had my mom call all of our relatives and then we also sent a notice out to everyone we invited to the wedding that the wedding was off. it was hard at first but it had to be done.
Possibly trying to figure out how to do this myself... it's hard to admit that you were wrong about something as big as this, and since we're so young it would be bound to start drama and rumors. Ugh.
I'm no where near being engaged. But this is really inspiring. I've gone through a couple bad relationships, bad endings, and it's so refreshing to know that these are actually leading me to *the one* :)
I would do the same things that you did.
The same list can be used for almost any relationship.
Depending on how far the wedding planning had gone, like if I had sent invitations or not, I probably wouldn't tell anyone and would just let it come up naturally when someone would ask. "How's the wedding?" "Oh it's off." And that'd be it.
Yikes! That sucks :( I'm glad you found somebody better! I probably would tell my close friends and my sister, who would then blab it to my parents. lol
I would do the same as what you have done but would have made sure everyone that knew I was engaged that I was breaking it off.
I found out about my ex's broken engagement by reading her emails. Worked for me.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
I would do the same thing, but in the same order. Probably tell the ones closest to me first (family and close friends), and the facebook. And somewhere around there or once it happens take off the ring. :(
not sure, maybe do as same as you do
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I remember I once read this quote: "There are three things that cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth."
I think something as big as a broken engagement is soon to come out. I think all of what you did makes sense, because 1) wearing a ring wouldn't be true 2) that's not really your status anymore, and 3) something as big as this would be at least shared among friends for consolation.
I think it's understandable that some people take a little longer to accept and embrace these things. It's different for everyone. I think it makes it harder when sometimes, people have expectations of your relationship and so forth, and to announce a broken engagement is like exposing to the world that it was another failed relationship. I don't know how I would respond because sometimes, I don't like to show my failures to everyone, probably only to those that I know would completely accept me regardless. I don't mind pointing my failures out after I've moved steps from it, but it gets hard at the beginning.
My brother dated someone for 11 years, since they started dating since the beginning of high school, when they were like 13/14. They had a long-distance relationship all those years being in two different states in the U.S., but my parents loved her and accepted their relationship. We all had the idea that they were going to marry in the future. Well, in the previous year, I think they broke up or something. And it was very hard for my brother to tell us the news. We always kind of assumed that they were broken up because they didn't talk as often through the phone. But it took him several months in order to admit it to us. I think I can understand why he did it.. it's a way to avoid all the interrogation from my parents because I'm sure he didn't want to deal with it. As of now, I'm still not quite sure what's going between the two, but time will tell :)
I'm glad things worked out for you in the end though!
ha. i actually know what you're going through because i had to do it myself. i dated this guy since i was 15 & then three months before the wedding, he tells me that for the last year, he had been sleeping w/ my best friend.
1. took off the engagement ring & actually managed to give it to him civially.
2. told my mom first, then family.
3. told one person i knew who could spread the news faster than wildfire (i lived in a 508 pop. town...lol...not that hard)
Ouch. Well, I did the breaking up once and it sucked for me but on my end I was responsible and just told everyone the truth right away. This was during a time when there was no online social networks for me so everyone knew what the deal was within 1 month. Sometimes being straight forward is much more faster, but I understand it must be hard.
Aw im sorry thats so sad. he's a loser, he couldnt even tell his parents? how close was he to family, thats pathetic. its good that your not with him, he probably wouldve treated you the same way. not tell you anything and so on. good luck with your new hubby.
I actually just went through this also. He and I took a one week "break" to figure out what we needed and what to do, and after that one week, I was certain we were going to break up - and we did. So then the first step was to stop wearing the ring. It lived on my bedside table for about a month after that. Everytime I saw it, I wished I could feel what the ring meant. But I wasn't in love with him and it would be wrong to wear it or carry on in that situation. It took me a while to build up the courage to tell my family, even when my parents kept calling me asking about my wedding planning. Finally, I sent my mom, dad, brother and sister in law an email at the same time, so nobody could say they knew first or were the last to find out. After I heard back from each of them, I sent the same email (I love CC) to my aunts and uncles and friends and some of his family. I figured they would spread the word well enough. After that, it was time to make the official announcement on my blog, and then I discreetly changed my facebook status from engaged to invisible, as to not cause a riot about my college network. I finally gave him the ring back about 2 months after we broke up, and we have yet to decide exactly what to do with it. I suppose we'll sell it online, along with my rehearsal and wedding dresses.
wow. I don't even know how to answer that. My brother broke apart from his ex fiance maybe 2 years (year and a half?) ago. He threw himself into his studies and his work. He of course graduated in the top ten of his college class. (She left him for her biological brother...she was adopted...met her real family....didn't know what she "felt" for her real brother was just the unsaid kinship bond....and yah...not good)
But I personally....I think I would go into a complete coma/ catharsis.
@bAyBEepAnDa143@xanga - OMG. your bro started dating when he was 13/14...my brothers havent even noticed girls yet! LOL...they jus love their computer games!
and yeah, you are right, it is hard at the beginning...but now when I talk about it, I laugh at my mistakes and I am glad it happened otherwise I wouldnt be where I am now :)
OMG!! that must have been heartbreaking for u since u had been dating since u were 15!!! crazy! that's just wrong...if u dont mind me asking, are they still together?
You are better off without them two! You deserve so much more!
And I cant believe u gave him back the ring even though it was HIS fault! Noooo way...ur too nice. I kept mine!
@CoolXwhip@xanga - yeah, he is pathetic right? but his family were weird though. His mum introduced me to her friends as "this is my son's FRIEND!" Excuse me woman! I was his fiancee at that time...but maybe she knew better...oh well, im happy with my new man...we are not married yet but I know we will soon.
@udontevenknow323@xanga - biological brother??? ur kidding me! sick!!!!!
@LissaMcneil@xanga - whys he awful? It fell apart because he was finishing school?