Sunday, 07 March 2010
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Datingish Advice: My SO is Battling Depression. How Can I Help?
Ever since the year started my boyfriend has been pretty depressed. We had a fight beginning of the year because of how he started the year off and I felt like he was dragging me down with him. I didn't want to start the year off in a bad note. I got a little frustrated that I couldn't help him and started the fight with him. After that I just felt terrible for being selfish and wished that I could help him get out of that rut. Obviously now I know that I can't really make someone happy because I'm just setting myself for a disappointment, but I can be there for him. I just wish I knew how else to help him.
His depression is school related. His in advertising. He felt that his school wasn't motivating him enough to be more creative and pursue it. He says that he goes to school and doesn't learn anything new and continues on with the work that he could have done at home.
Share your advice at Datingish Advice: Do you have any suggestions for our situation?
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Comments (11)
Yeah, I could use some answers to that question myself. Dude needs to see a doctor, in my opinion, but he makes excuses not to go.
Drink lots of water, exercise, and give it time. A healthy body will nurture a troubled mind.
For pretty much any creative major that's how school tends to effect people. I had my share of the same feelings. At least you're able to recognize that he is depressed and not just taking it out on him without understanding.
Talking it out helps, but getting a guy to talk about his depression is extremely hard. Seeing a shrink or something is definitely helpful.
Sometimes that happens with college... feeling stuck in a rut because nothing seems to be changing, or improving. Encourage him to open his eyes to more possibilities. Perhaps he's at the wrong school.
Are you sure that's all he's worried about, though? Your saying that he's battling depression entails a whole lot more than that... something not based off of problems/obstacles, but based off of your feelings ABOUT those obstacles.
If he's not depressed and he's just stressed over school, then he should focus on changing something there...
i haven't dealt with a bf who had depression but my sister had it and it was very difficult. my only advice is that be their support and be there for them whenever they need you.
i had a boyfriend who was bipolar, and didn't want to see a doctor about it even though it was getting really bad. so i supported him as much as i could stand it, and then when his behavior went over the boundaries i had established, we broke up and i told him that he still needed to see a damn doctor. 2-3 months later, he hunted me down and apologized because he had finally broken down (literally) and gone to the doctor and was doing better afterward. we did not get back together though!
really, the best thing is to be as supportive as you can without allowing his behavior to excessively injure you mentally/emotionally, and if he goes that far, break it off, reminding him that you still care but u need to be just friends if he won't deal with his problems. be ready to call 911 on his ass though because blackmail suicide attempts aren't that unusual in these situations... (write down his address beforehand to give to the cops or they might break down the wrong door LOL i speak from experience)
The best thing you can do for someone who is depressed is to never judge them, never make them feel bad for being depressed, and always, ALWAYS be there. Yes, it is extra work, especially if your boyfriend is clinically depressed, and not just having a case of the blues, but if you love each other, you'll stick by each other through thick and thin. Sometimes, becoming involved in other activities, especially those outside of yourself, can help a lot. Volunteering together at a soup kitchen, or doing community work will help to turn his inward gaze off of himself, and onto other people.
Give up on him.
i was feeling the same way about school for awhile. my solution was to change to a new school... i stayed in the same program of course. i just wasnt satisfied with the teaching at my previous school. you can always just transfer the courses youve already taken, and they'll consider those as finished credits at the new school so you dont have to start from scratch. who knows, maybe hes like me..
Be patient and empathetic. Don't "push" happiness on them, just be supportive and available. Wait it out, it will (probably) fix itself -- if it doesn't then encourage him/her to seek professional help.
I need this in reverse! I'm depressed and have high anxiety. I'm on medication for it.. But it just doesn't seem to be helping a whole lot. I wish I knew how to tell my husband how I feel and what to tell him to do because I'm sure he has no idea. The worst part, though, is that it's related to him. He's in the Marine Corps and our last deployment is what pushed me over the depression/anxiety edge. It seems like any time I try to explain that the deployment is largely to blame for how I am now, he tells me things like "Well, you know.. the deployment wasn't that great for me either.", which doesn't help AT ALL because how on earth can I be expected to help him if I can't even get myself better?! Ugh. ]: