Ambiguous relationship is a relationship that has no form: not really dating, but not just friends either.
Relationships define the roles that we must play. Yet having no defined relationship means that there is no defined role either. One can't expect the "S.O" to stay faithful, and yet, it is still wrong to cheat. And then comes the holidays, birthdays in particular or Valentine's day. What role are we suppose to play during times such as these?
If one plans such events, the other may think he/she is pushing too strongly for the relationship or moving too fast. Then if one does not plan such events, the other will think he/she does not care.
What if one gets sick? Is one required to take care of the other? Again, the same dilemma is faced here; either the sick will think their "ambiguous S.O" is moving too fast or is apathetic to their health and well-being.
The rules of relationships aren't already clear enough. I suppose when one is in an ambiguous relationships, he/she can never truly be in the wrong. Although it may be defined so that no one is in the wrong, people are still hurt, and people still get freaked out. But, ambiguous relationships are unavoidable because it's that period where two people are deciding on whether they like each other or not. Every action is counted. Each action can be detrimental or beneficial, and in most cases, this is unknown because each of the "couples" do not know one another well enough.
Have you ever been in an ambiguous relationship? Did you ever define it?
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Comments (60)
While reading this I was thinking, I've almost never seen such thingy in my life, maybe at youngsters but I think it really immature thing not to take further step, being like this in such relationship is as good as no relationship. There is always a draw back or push at front. However people who are in such relationship should really reconsider about whats really best for them... its kinda splited.
^^ funny entry :P
Bie bie~
I've been in an ambiguous relationship. A "fakelationship" if you can call it that. We were "together" for 5ish months. We were basically going out, but we were never OFFICIAL. We were intimate with each other, called and talked to each other everyday for hours, knew each other better than anyone else, understood each other completely, we were sexually/physically attached, and emotionally. A real/official relationship is the same as an unofficial one in every way, except that you don't have the terms girlfriend and boyfriend. So of course, things got sticky. I was the one who wanted to make it official, but he didn't. He'd tell me "Well aren't you happy? If you are, then whats the point of making it official?? Things don't change" or he'd say "I want to avoid the drama of being in an actual relationship." Sorry, but you didn't avoid drama anyway-- we got completely stuck in it. He 'cheated' on me with his ex-gf and there were some other issues, causing us to 'break up.' It was a complicated situation. And really, we tell people, and even admit to ourselves, that we DID break up, because in every sense, we did. He just didn't want to be in a committed relationship.
Learning from this, I decided to take my next relationship (the one I'm in right now) and actually make it official. Seeing how things were messy and complicated in the Unofficial one, I decided there really isn't a point in keeping that way. Theres always that fear that the other person could just leave you and dump you completely with no explanation and just leave you there hanging, because there's no commitment/obligation. Because in the end, an unofficial relationship, and a real one, are the same. You're going to have to end things eventually and basically 'break up.' So what's the harm?
Ambiguous relationships are tough. When you don't know what's going on. I'm currently in one and I have no idea what's going on and it's a really difficult time to address it and get a label. But at the same time... am I not supposed to be with other guys? Should I ask the question? It's sooo hard. I need definitions.
I've been in an ambiguous relationship--not once, but twice.
Never again.
Pretty much all my relationships were ambiguous relationships. Never by my choice always by the girls...it's frustrating heh,
Ugh, I don't want to go through that again. It's too much of a mind game. Who's got more power over whom? Like tug o war of who is more detached.
I once had a thing like this with a girl who was just out of a long term relationship. Was not fun. We'd go days without texting even though I really want to get in touch. Just felt I couldn't. Never again.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/ - dating blog
i absolutely detest ambiguous relationships. probably because I hate ambiguity and hidden feelings and secret doubts and reservations. if you can't be clear, open, and honest then get the hell away.
I'm in an ambiguous relationship... although it's more of like an unofficial relationship.
It was a best friendship turned romantic. Her parents won't let her date, so really we're together without the label...
It's been a little over two months and working out okay. 2 months is obviously nothing though, so the success of this remains to be seen. As of now though we're both thoroughly happy :)
- John
yes . . . its a complicated situation to be in. Everything is so fragile. I don't like it :S
But it also depends on the people in the relationship. Sometimes its good to have someone there, but not to the point of suffocating you :S
I think my first lesbian relationship was like this...seeing as we were 'offical' but it was completely awkward...but at the time I was 'straight' I suppose so eh.
Oh god, I know about this. I am in the great grand-daddy of ambiguous relationships. Rich's last girlfriend is still in my life, and we are still very close. But since I became Rachel, it's not the same. It's not clearly a sexual relationship, even though we are both bi. There are no clear roles or rules, and neither of us has any idea what we would even want those roles to be.
Story of my life. Don't do it, it all turns to shit in the end.
It's definitely not healthy to remain in this stage for a long period of time; this is almost comparable to the "secret relationship", which research shows wreaks havoc on any relationship, usually ending it. I think it's best to talk about this with your potential SO so that you both know what's going on. Being unsure and walking on eggshells adds extra stress that is just unnecessary. If you don't confront it you'll just remain confused, you know?
AHHH yes we didnt know what was going on so eventually we just stopped talking to eachother
I couldn't really deal with relationships like that. You're with me fully, I take care of you/you take care of me, or you're not.
The only reason for a relationship like this to exist is if one or both of the people involved are not interested in commitment. If it's both, then fine, there should be no trouble. But if you want a relationship and the other person doesn't you need to get out of it early. These kinds of "relationships" have a tendency to drag on because there are no set boundaries, and you'll probably find yourself waiting around forever for him/her to finally be ready for commitment.
In situations like these, if there *really* is something going on that makes us more than "just friends," I'm typically the one who works up the nerve to say "So what exactly is going on here? Are we dating now or what?" Because I'm just the kind of person who needs stuff like this to be organized. Relationships are messy and complicated enough as it is. And if the guy gets weirded out by my wanting to be sure of where we stand, well, that's just dumb. Some guys just need to man up and stop sitting on the fence!
Besides, now with the invention of Facebook, you'd think that labeling a relationship would be more important now than it was, say, ten years ago.
my last relationship was an ambiguous relationship in the first phase and it drove me crazy because i didn't know how to do anything in the relationship or what to say to others. it was ridiculous that we had to play mind games...but i did go along with him because i thought it would be different after a while and it did when i told him i was leaving.
I'm in one at the moment, it pleases my inability to commit. I don't think we will ever define it because we both don't know how to commit. Amibiguous is just how we role. Great post.
they're awesome simply because no commitment is required. Just go with the flow ~
i think that real relationships can turn ambiguous too. To me the label isn't what's important. It's outright saying what is and isn't acceptable (for example, seeing other people while dating is a no for me).
Communication is really what's key to be, i'm starting to see. Because i was in an official relationship that turned completely ambiguous because he chose not to talk to me (not answering calls, etc) so I was left wondering if we were even dating? At which point i took the initiative and ended it....so really, Ambiguous relationships suck, but they can become ambiguous at any point. =]ambiguous relationships are my favorite.
it's like sex leading up to an orgasm. then boom, you decide you're dating. ...and then you're cleaning up and getting dressed and the sex is over.
The problem with these relationships is that they are real and meaningful to someone. You can spout all the love words you want and say I like you I want you I need you, but if you don't act on it, then all you are doing is hurting the person on the other end. People get into ambiguous relationships for a couple of reasons. They are either unhappy in their current relationship but not ready to completely end it so they form an ambiguous relationship to decide if its worth it to stay with who they are with. Some people form them b/c they are bored and need a distraction. And others still are so jaded that they don't know any other way to be. All in all, if you both don't agree to be together and act on that agreement, then the relationship you have is not real and you are being used- intentionally or not.
I hope our spark of friendship leads to an ambiguous relationship one day..