Sunday, 07 March 2010
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Getting the Milk For Free or Test Driving the Car?
So the guy I’m dating is a sophomore in college and I am a senior in high school. We only get to see each other on breaks but we talk three a week on the phone and through text. I want to be intimate with him but I’m a virgin and he’s not… and all I keep thinking is “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. While other people think “you don’t buy the car till you test drive it.
So my question to you is, are you a test drive-er or a" why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" kind of person?
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- From: starsinhereyesx3@xanga
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Comments (71)
Ugh I hate these questions as they lead to some pretty close-minded, arrogant answers.
i believe that milking a cow or driving a car are awful metaphors for something as complex as sex / relationships / emotions involved etc.
I think the phrasing of the question makes it seem more black and white than it really is. Not everyone who's dating is doing it for the sole purpose of being 'bought' (I'm guessing you mean marriage by this?), and not everyone who's having, avoiding, or trying to have sex is connecting it directly to whether or not they're trying to settle down.
That said, I chose to have sex before marriage. I know the guy I'm dating isn't dating me for sex alone, it's /fun/, and I like having that component to my relationship. We're both college freshman, and we're also semi-long distance.
Just think about it: do you trust that your guy is dating you for you? Because if you're confident that he's dating you because he enjoys having a relationship with you specifically, and you do want to be sexual with him otherwise, chances are that it's not going to affect the relationship negatively if it's handled maturely.
i don't like either analogy, as they both refer to the person with whom one is intimate as an object from which one derives a benefit. the "cow" one is more offensive though, and i think if you intend on having a long relationship with someone, you should know if you are sexually compatible. in that sense, the "car" analogy is better.
@RaspberryCordial@xanga - Same here!
I think it depends on the relationship and the people involved. The "cow" analogy is annoying - just because we're living together/having sex/whatever doesn't mean I lose my right to have expectations, does it? As long as you're clear about what you want, there shouldn't be an issue.
As far as "cars" - umm...cars don't last forever, ha. Odd comparison.
I have no earthly idea what you are talking about
if he is trying to test drive a cow then he has issues, cows just don't listen. i recommend he go cow tipping.
i'm a person that values scarcity. at the same time i'm a romantic to the point that if the perfect moment comes around and "she doesn't serve up that delicious lactose", then i take it more personally than she may intend it. thinking 'maybe she is just a guy in a cow suit'... and i'd probably get bored with getting denied pretty quickly.
It doesn't matter what everyone else says, there is a lot to be said for the cow metaphor. From what I have seen guys do look at it as test driving the car--but it turns into--why buy the car if you are getting all the benefits of test driving it everyday?
Really if you are looking for real commitment and are concerned it will never come if you give yourself to him sexually, I would tell him your expectations and your concerns. It doesn't mean he will honor them of course, but only you know if he should be trusted or not.
I think we should actually answer the question instead of talk about how dumb it is.
Personally I feel sexuality is more about a physical expression of a persons feelings. There's a big difference between making love and having sex.
My first time was with a girl I thought I was going to buy eventually, but since we're broken up, might as well have fun with everything else, right? No point in crying over spilled milk!
Sex is the most sacred and intimate act that two people in love can engage in. It's a crucial part of love. Anyone will say this. In fact, any good Christian can tell you just how important it really is. The Bible talks all about it.
So of course it makes absolutely no sense to go into a marriage situation without knowing whether or not you are physically compatible with your lover. What...? Did you think I was going to go on some "Waiting" rant or something?
Well, I was a virgin on my wedding night.... if that tells you anything. ;)
I'm all for doing what's best for you. It was best for me to wait... because I personally needed a huge commitment in order to open myself up sexually to someone. Other people may not need marriage to do that, and I totally understand that.
date the guy and find out what he's looking for.
if you want a relationship, then don't put out on the first date. Get to know him, and when you're ready, have sex with him.
If he tells you he's not looking for a relationship, then be prepared for him to "hit it and quit it."
everyone is different. some need to test drive the car before buying, some don't need to (to them, who cares, right, just as long as they love it, for example, if they want a Ferrari, they'll get a Ferrari, but that's assuming that you know everything about the Ferrari and that you're expecting the Ferrari to be in good working order when you buy it. whether you want to test drive or not, it's up to you?
I don't understand the question, but I once plucked a chicken.
Check out my dating blog: http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
I don't get the metaphors.
test drive, so you know what's there and there won't be excuses come commitment time.
I believe sex in a relationship should not have an analogy, especially not either of those two.
For one, the idea of free milk should not be compared to having sex before marriage. People may then rush to "buy the cow," without realizing the cow is on something and that the milk is terrible - aka: after sex, the "cow" becomes clingy/needy/etc.
However, I don't think people should have to just test drive either before buying the car because too many test drives can ruin the condition of the car - aka: too much baggage.
Besides, human emotion should not be compared to animals and even less-so to objects. It would be ideal to wait but it does not happen that way. However, I don't think people can just rush into sex. With either analogy, you could end up with a rushed/stupid decision. People need to decide for themselves which is better and be responsible for what follows.
@RaspberryCordial@xanga - YES!
i especially hate "test-driving the car." people are NOT like cars, it is possible to get better at sex and there IS more to relationships than sex!!
if you're uncomfortable with his past sexual activity, you need to discuss it with him, and if it's still uncomfortable, he's probably not the right guy.
I don't really understand what the metaphors mean.
I am neither. A bond built on pleasure depends on pleasure; and is often easily compromised by a third person who offers it in one or the other's absence. A bond built on abstinence depends on and builds trust; combined with getting to know each others' friends and family, this will help you focus on determining overall compatibility and whether you should in fact trust one another. In the long run, deliberate abstinence also builds character that others are lucky to approach at all in their lifetime (don't be fooled by the glossy coating as those with real empathy often tend to be worn down a bit).
@MissPixieGlitter@xanga - Sexual compatibility is a non issue as long as both people are willing to learn from and focus on each other instead of themselves; and be patient if one is more shy than the other. With that in mind, it isn't even a factor of overall compatibility; but, in fact hurts one's ability to find one who is very compatible overall when made an issue.
I think you should pick something else besides driving cars and cows milk, cause people who stayed up all night, like me now, and go ahead and try to answer this.. Well, I can't, makes me think too much, and turns me away...
*10 minutes later....*
Anyway. I'm not quite sure really what I am compared...
I believe in abstinence - waiting until you are married before having sex - and I am getting married this year to an amazing young man who is also a virgin. He didn't believe in abstinence and he admitted that he wanted to have sex with me when he saw me, but respected my values enough to wait. We've been dating for nearly two years and our engagement is ten months long.
So, I prefer the apple analogy. Why get the bruised and bitten apples on the ground then the ones that are delicious and not bruised on the top of the tree merely because it's easier to get the fallen apples? You got to work hard to get something you desire - if you want to marry someone who's a virgin, you gotta wait and hold your virginity as well.
Or the used toilet paper analogy.
You should decide your own standards and values and come up with what you desire most out of life. I am not saying that being abstinent is the greatest thing on earth or that you'll go to hell if you have sex - by no means at all am I saying this! Each person has to decide for themselves what is best for them! If you want to stay a virgin, don't feel pressured into having sex. If you don't want to stay a virgin, then just choose your partners wisely and always use protection.
That's all I got.
@oOBuBBLes711Oo@xanga - I second that.
It sounds like your talking about sex before marriage vs marriage? I don't know but I'm confused and either way do whats best for you ... or buy a vibrator.