Ok, when it comes to all things romantic, it's understood that people exaggerate, don't always say what they mean, speak in code etc. A certain amount of that is a given, but some of us remain willfully clueless, are in deep denial or truly just can't understand the language of love. When our partner says "ask me anything..." We think they mean it.
I'd like to cut through the code, provide a translation of some of the more common idioms in the language of love...and the language of let down.
Vaguaries...vague language is a sure sign that the relationship is not headed toward happily ever after..
"I'll call you sometime." = "Have a nice life, you may hear from me again someday if I get desperate."
"Oh yeah, I didn't get your call...I must have been washing my hair, studying, etc." = " I really didn't want to talk to you, but now I guess I'd better think of something to say."
A weak acceptance usually means the same thing... A says..."Wanna get coffee?" B says "Um...sure...sometime." give it up. If B says "love to...I''m free Thursday" it's a go.
"Let's keep in touch"= "It's over"
"I think I'm busy that weekend" = "I'm going to find something to be busy with that is not you."
More code...
"I don't want to ruin a friendship by going out" = "I'm curious to see what it's like to get with you, but I'm also pretty sure I don't want to actually have you as a partner"
"We can still be friends" = "I don't want to date you, but if I say this, I'll look like I'm such a decent person and when you get emotional I can gripe to my friends that you are being an ass about it...after all I SAID we can still be friends..."
Inappropriate or over the top flirting...followed by a quick "I'm sorry" or an exaggerated "I was ONLY KIDDING" is usually a test to see how you will respond...because they want to "go there" with you.
"I find you interesting." = "I'd like to get with you, but I don't have real emotional feelings for you"
Any long hesitations in responding means the person is not on the same page as you. If they really like you, or love you, they've played the scene of the first kiss, first "I love you",. first time you ask them out, over and over in their mind, they are ready for it and won't hesitate, if they are truly surprised by your admission or request, it's because they aren't iinterested enough to have fantasized about it...move on. Same thing with "I had no idea you felt that way"...if they'd been paying attention or hoping, they'd have had plenty of ideas.
"Oh wow, I LOVE.....some insignificant thing they just found out you liked too" = "Look how much we have in common, we are meant to be together."
same with "You're kidding! My aunt's dog's groomer's son's ex-girlfriend grew up in Toledo! Isn't it a small world!" = "We are already connected since way back when, why don't we just accept that Fate wants us to be together."
on the other hand, when they start drawing comparisons to certain other people in their lives...
"Oh yeah, my fifth grade teacher used to wear that same cologne. He got arrested for pedophilia last year"
"You remind me of my dentist...she has like the worst breath ever..."
"Whenever I see that brand of jeans I think of my fat boss at Wal-Mart..."
Random smirks, giggles to self and they won't share the joke with you...are all signs that the sheen is wearing off the relationship, but they fancy themselves too kind to say so.
And finally:
"The most important thing is that we are always 100% honest with each other/tell each other everything" = "I expect you to understand my code when I am not brave enough to say what I really mean."
Add your own.
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Comments (20)
Haha, pretty true. It's sad sometimes that tactful and honest doesn't always go hand in hand. And I always believe that you only say to your SO "Ask me anything" or "What's bothering you? Please tell me." only if you really mean it.
I sincerely hope that people don't use this guide to understand what I mean... I think that, by saying that this is what people mean when they say certain things, you're cutting out a portion of the population that is upfront about what they think.
'Cause, I mean, sometimes if someone says they're busy over a certain weekend, they really are. Sometimes they really are doing something other than staring at the phone, waiting for the person they're interested in to call. Sometimes if someone finds them interesting, it's a draw that isn't entirely physical. Et cetera.
hahah this is greatt (:
@unabridgedtales@xanga - I agree
I have a strict no-bullshit tolerance when it comes to this nonsense. When it comes to relationships and dating and flirting, I say what I mean.
I don't deal with girls who do the run around
pretty accurate.. for the people who use it
omg.. true that !
haha iv e gotten this a few times "I find you interesting."
You must have interviewed many players and zero people with actual emotions. People who care about you will say a lot of these things and sincerely mean something entirely different from what you have posted. Like, maybe, what they actually said.
A long pause might mean that person is shy and his brain freezes when he's around you and can't think of something intelligent to say.
I'm always confused around women, because they always interpret every word and action as something completely different and unexpected. I don't know whether to blame advice like this, or their actual experience around guys who really don't have deep emotions. OTOH, if that's the case, I can't actually blame them, because they're used to receiving signals that mean something entirely different, even though I would say some of those things and actually mean what I say (which is entirely unexpected).
as for me i would be new to dating so i haven't experienced that kind of thing.
"we'll see" = "it's never gonna happen"
Dating is always a bit of a mindgame.
You should really read about the laws of attraction books/guides. They talk about how to build rapport with someone before you make it clear that you're interested in the person. That way you can get an immediate answer or immediately move on -- more easily.
It's always so damn painful when some girl is stringing you along with a "maybe".
Hahaha so much of this is SUCH bull. Why? Because if you follow this, you're gonna cause drama, because sometimes some of these statements mean exactly what they mean. Don't read into everything, it will just get you in trouble. Go more with instincts than easily misunderstood 'translations.'
I agree with most except for the "I find you interesting" thing. My husband told me that when we were dating and, well, two years later he proposed, and two years after that, we were married. Maybe this was the exception, but he obviously was interested in staying with me.
-Katie
yeah i just heard the 'i'm not ready for a relationship' thing. Bullshit! no one cares about being ready when they are head over heels. i'd never say that if i really liked someone. that means 'i don't like you enough to get serious.'
blahI tell girls I like that they are interesting because they are in fact interesting. I don't use this ridiculous relationship-dating-code. When I talk to a girl, maybe means maybe and "Let's hang out this weekend and pig out on pizza" means just that, not something like "I really just want to get in your pants" or some bull. Want to get a girl to trust you from the get-go? Don't use this stupid code. Anyone who uses this code really isn't worth my time and efforts. I want honesty.
@jasonwl@xanga - this was NOT intended as advice, by no means, these translations are lessons I, as a woman have learned the hard and painful way. I tend to take people at their word...and found out that sometimes they used the words in a very different way.
I suggest that the reason women confuse you by how they interpret YOUR words are that they have had some of the same frustrating and painful lessons I have when a love interest didn't exactly mean what they said.
@schmidy182@xanga - me too. People like us...get our hearts broken a few times before we find someone who "speaks are language" or as Tolouse Latrec said in Molin Rouge..."I only speak the truth!"
lame. haha
What if you don't have any expectations or something was so different than your expectations that you hadn't imagined the experience and so didn't know what to say. It doesn't mean you don't care. It just means you didn't imagine how it was going to go because you were committed to going with the flow.