I have quite a few good, close friends. Of those friends, there are about three with which we have an unspoken motto, if you will: "live and let live."
Don't get me wrong. I don't mind my other friends butting in on my personal life, being very outspoken about their opinion on my actions. That's what friends do, and sometimes it's necessary. For instance, if I started frequenting dark alleys subconsciously, I'd like one of them to point out how incredibly stupid that was.
It's nice, though, to be best friends with people, able to share anything and everything, and not have them judge you for something you've done or are doing. Well, I don't necessarily mean judge; that implies that my other friends are jerks. What I'm trying to say is with this smaller group, we don't care what each other does. We will give our opinion, we don't fight about it, and we let each other live and learn. There's only so much advice you can shove at somebody before they're going to go do their own thing anyhow, right? And who's to say what didn't work for you won't work for them?
One of my friends, we'll call her Ad, had a boyfriend to whom she tried explaining this concept after he had just stopped talking to one of his friends who started dating a girl he didn't like and/or approve of. Now, this particular boyfriend turned out to be a mentally abusive douche, but that's beside the point. He didn't understand the "live and let live" concept - in fact, he told her it was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard, and you had to "protect your friends" and "tell them what you really think." For the former, I have no argument. For the latter, I'd say, we aren't keeping anything from each other, we're just not presenting it in an
I'm-going-to-tell-you-my-opinion-and-you'd-better-do-as-I-think-or-we're-fighting sort of way.
What do you think? Do you let your friends live and learn? If yes, with or without any input? If no, why not?
Recommend
Comments (8)
We give input, but in the end we all do what we want anyway. We also try to avoid the "well, I told you so." when something blows up in someone's face (even if we did warn them). Trial and error is the only way to learn something for sure.
There are a few things that I absolutely do not put up with though. If anyone of my friends starts dating an abusive guy I will make her break up with him and I will kick his ass if I ever see him hurt her. That's the only thing I don't approve of at all. Oh, and drug addictions. I'm not above locking my friends in a room and taking care of them while they withdraw for a few days (only with their consent though).
Otherwise, as long as no one is being seriously damaged in the process, we just let people do what they want to do. I'm alright with whatever they do. Afterall, I didn't become their friend because they DIDN'T do (insert action here), so I'm not going to stop being their friend if they do it.
I give them my advice, and what I think is right/wrong, if they don't believe me or think otherwise, they're free to touch the heated stove.
i would give them my advice. if i strongly felt they were going in the wrong direction, i'd have a serious talk. even then if they decide to do the opposite, you gotta let them. that's how you learn about life, through mistakes.
My friends and I ask advice and opinions fairly regularly. It's nice to get different perspectives that one may not get because of rosy glasses and all that. We tend to do our own things anyway, though fully aware that if it all hits the fan we won't have the "i told you so moment". Also, we all recognize that some things just cannot be told no matter how badly you want to tell your friend RED FLAG THIS WON'T WORK!! because if we don't let each other experience the world, heartache and joy, good and evil and everything in between, we're doing each other a disservice in life.
I give my advice when they ask or my opinion when I think someone really needs to put his/her foot down on the matter (and vice versa). But other than that, we all just give each other our support unconditionally and not judge each other or each others' choices.
This is my policy 100 percent, and I think it's enabled me to keep a lot of friends that other people have lost.
i still put my two cents but i let them make the decision because i want them to do the same thing to me too.
Most people just tell their friends about the negative stuff, because they're venting, so if someone hears about someone's boyfriend or girlfriend and doesn't like them because of what they hear, then people should realize there's always more to the story. Abandoning your friends doesn't make you a very good friend... especially, if it's done because of someone that they are choosing to be with. IT"S THEIR LIFE!!